Book Two: Broken During The New Moon
by Jae Bee
Summary: Did you like Reborn In Twilight? Check this out. Book two of my final project/rewrite of the saga. Most of the same characters, with a new spin. Come with me on one final adventure. Read, Review and Enjoy. I don't own SM characters.
1. Easier Tomorrows

Bella POV

Two months is not a large amount of time in the great scheme of things. For me, two months had changed my life. They had been spent in a world few people know to exist.

With vampires.

They were gone from my life now. It wasn't too much of a difficulty to pretend that they had never been here. They were always so distant to everyone in town that people forgot quickly. Since I had spent my first months here pretending I didn't know what they were, I continued doing that easily enough.

The hard part was the pain. No matter how strong I acted and how busy I kept, the pain was constant. The loss was always present. Though I didn't spend my time crying or staring out the window looking for his face, I didn't feel whole. I didn't feel like me. Two months with him and I had found my whole self. I had found fulfillment and happiness. But he apparently hadn't.

The anger came hand in hand with the pain.

After March passed I began to feel more human. My bruises from James had faded, though the ones from Edward throbbed. Only few people seemed to notice that. My Dad seemed to get it, and I wondered if I reminded him of himself when Renee left. He was there for me at every turn though, and it solidified my belief that I was meant to live here.

Angela and Jessica could also see how much the Cullen's leaving had affected me, though they clearly didn't understand it. At least they knew to pretend as I had, that they were never here.

My survival plan, so to speak, was simple. Number one was to never purposely think of or picture him. If I did so accidently, I found a distraction as quickly as possible. Number two was to keep as busy as possible. I got a job at the diner in town and kept my grades up. In the few times I had nothing to do I watched the silliest, funniest movies and TV shows I could find.

The more difficult times were right before I fell asleep, and right when I woke up. I'd still reach for him sometimes in the morning, and at night I knew what I'd dream. It was the same dream I'd had off and on all my life. Now I understood it.

I was a vampire. My whole life I just thought I looked nicer than usual in these dreams. After knowing the Cullen's I could now see what it was. It didn't explain what I was reaching for when I opened my arms to something, but I had a guess.

Edward. His sister had visions of me all my life, as long as I had the dreams. It made me believe it was him I'd been reaching for all along. That would have been a lovely twist of fate, if Edward was still in my life. Now that he was gone though, the dreams pissed me off. They served as taunts of what I'd never be.

I suppose it was a silly thing for me to want. What girl grows up having a dream of being a vampire? I was constantly trying to convince myself I was better off without him and his family. He wasn't the only one who had cut me out and I accepted that as their nature.

They were vampires. They were cold to humans because they weren't human anymore. It was stupid of me to see them as such, no matter how they had treated me.

At least that's what I kept trying to convince myself during the brief times I allowed myself to think of them.

For the most part I acted like they were never here, much like the void I felt.

I was relieved for April. For whatever reason, I felt like it was the start of something new. Maybe I would be able to forget and move on.

It's a shame how unlikely that felt.

I kept going though. I worked and saw my friends. I spent a lot of time with Charlie. Renee was even visiting for a couple of days. As usual she wasn't exactly a help, but at least she was a distraction. However it was awkward to see her and Charlie together. It made me feel younger in some ways.

Tonight was the last night Renee was here and I listened from the top of the stairs as they talked about me.

"Is she depressed?" Renee asked with actual interest.

"She isn't as happy as she was but it's not like she's staying in bed all the time or crying."

"It's not like you're the best judge of what depression looks like Charlie."

"I might not be, but I do know what it feels like to have someone you love leave. We aren't talking about that though, we're talking about our daughter."

I smiled at the defenses Charlie gave Renee on why I belonged here. He was right. If I went back to live with Renee I'd still have the reminders of Edward. It wouldn't matter where I was. What mattered was Forks was my home now.

"Is she waiting for him or something?" Renee asked, and I froze from leaving.

"I don't know. They really did seem to have a strong connection. I don't know what happened."

Now I had to leave. I didn't want Charlie to think that, but I could understand the assumption. I blocked it out of my mind though, and decided to try and sleep.

Sometimes I wished sleep was more of an escape. Maybe I'd sleep better if I took out the box under my bed that held anything that had to do with us. I felt like I needed to keep some memory of them though.

While I would have loved to use my lullaby to calm down the ever present jumble of thoughts in my mind, instead I merely told myself what I did daily now.

Tomorrow…..it'll get a little easier.

Edward POV

Two weeks. Fourteen days. Three hundred and thirty six hours.

Time had never meant much to me before Bella. Now the amount of time that had passed since I'd seen her was the clearest time I kept. Two weeks since I last felt like myself.

April had come and the spring was breaking out. The warmer weather brought out all sorts of darkness and monsters. This was exactly what I was seeking. Though my family wouldn't be pleased with what I was doing; it didn't stop me. I felt I needed to.

The first slip was an accident. Isn't that always the way? I'd been walking aimlessly one night; not sure what to do. The first few days after I left Seattle were a void. By that third night I was just walking along some back alley behind the apartment building in LA, and I hadn't fed since before Bella and I'd hike. I'd been thinking of leaving the area when I saw her.

Her hair was the same color and length. Her build was the same. But it wasn't Bella. Bella wouldn't be dressed that way. The stench of perfume wouldn't be there. But for a moment, I felt better in thinking she was close to me. Then a man advanced on her.

He backed her against a dumpster and slammed her head against it once to disorient her as he pushed her legs apart. As I pictured James kicking Bella, I realized this monster was just as experienced as him.

I couldn't stop myself. I stepped out of the shadows and grabbed the man off of her. He struggled but couldn't get out of my grasp. The girl whimpered and stepped out of the way, and met my eyes.

"Run." I told her, as I had told Bella. She did as I said, and for the second time I felt like I had lost Bella. The anger and loss made my own monster growl.

"Let me go" said the man whose name I knew was Jeremy.

From his thoughts I saw the twelve other women he had beaten and raped. One he'd even beaten to death. There was nothing redeeming about him. Nothing that made him deserving of life.

I wanted him to feel the pain and fear he caused others. I threw him across the alley and into the other building with a force that broke bricks as well as bones. He cried out, though no one heard. I was in front of him at the same second, making him jump. His blood pumped harder and with the heat of fear. I bent over him, smelling the blood leaking from his broken arm. I ran my hand across the blood and tasted the first human I had in decades. It fueled the monster in me as I bit at his wrist. He screamed as my venom further incapacitated him. Within a minute he weakened until he stopped moving all together. Without another look for him I threw his body into the dumpster and left the alley.

I had killed. No matter how monstrous Jeremy was, I still killed and was therefore no better than him.

Or the ones who came after him.

Murderers, child molesters, rapist; I hunted all the scum of the human world. The reason I hunted them wasn't clear. Perhaps I didn't care for my soul anymore. I knew I didn't really want to live this way, but it gave me purpose.

After these two weeks with my new purpose, I stopped drinking from the monsters I hunted. I realized by taking their blood I was taking a part of them into me. I already didn't know myself anymore. I didn't need to have more monster in me.

I stayed in the woods for the most part. I had never wished for sleep more than I had these past two weeks. I wanted an escape. Instead I'd stare at the trees and think about the mess of my life, while hoping tomorrow would be easier to pretend this was easier.


	2. Learning To Move On

Bella POV

Being woken up by my phone wasn't a normal occurrence anymore. Sometimes Alice used to send me a message a few minutes before I woke up. Now my phone was usually silent. So when the sound of a text message went off, I groped for my phone hesitantly.

I didn't recognize the number at first, but after reading the message I half smiled. It was from Jacob Black, my dad's best friend's son. I met him a few months before when I had been trying to figure out what Edward was. In the text he was first asking how I was doing, and then if I'd be willing to come down to La Push sometime. I remembered Jacob's school began earlier than mine so that explained why he was up before me. I guessed that Billy had been hounding Jacob as much as Charlie had with me on the two of us spending time with each other. I responded that we'd definitely meet up soon.

With the possibility of sleep gone I got up to get ready for school. I got suspicious once both Ang and Jessica texted me before I even got to school. What was in the air? All they asked was for me to meet them in the usual spot and when I got there it was almost as if they were trying to keep me there past the bell.

"What's with you two?" I said as I put my foot down about not being late. "Are you afraid of the school now?"

"No." Angie said quickly as Jess shook her head.

"It's just a building Bella, why would we be scared, jeez." Jess said and ushered ahead of me with Angela to go to their lockers. I narrowed my eyes after them and made it into Biology just as the morning announcements were beginning.

Biology was a difficult class to be in now. I considered changing my seat, but I didn't like how obvious that looked. I didn't want to change all my actions just because he was gone. I still found myself staring at the empty seat sometimes.

At the end of the morning announcements the "Happy Birthday's" were given out. Amongst the list, I froze at the mention of Edward Cullen. Of course it wasn't really his birthday, the Cullen's just had to give one. Seeing as they hadn't been gone long, it made sense that their birthdays hadn't been crossed off the list. It also explained Jess and Angela's behavior. I rolled my eyes. Did they really think I couldn't handle hearing his name? I turned back to my textbook, ignoring the rest of the announcements.

As well as the pain in my stomach.

I kept my usual routine for the rest of the day and put in more effort to not think of certain things. On my way to lunch I noticed a colorful poster on the bulletin board.

"Wanted, needed, SOS please somebody help me! Sophomore's at La Push High need tutoring in French. Can either pay, or sell souls. Call Kim and Lulu."

I smiled at the witty request and copied down the phone number. I knew French pretty well and I could certainly tutor them. Maybe I could hang out with Jake afterwards one of the times and kill two birds with one stone. It would also be an excellent distraction. The prospect made my day a little better.

Jessica and Ang were back to their usual selves at lunch, and everyone was talking about the prom. Mike and Jess were going together and based on the blushing stares I guessed that Eric and Angela were also a new item. That left Tyler and I as the unpaired one's of this side of the table, and while he looked at me in a considering way, I returned the look with one of my own that said "no way."

I had no intention of stopping my life, but I wasn't ready to even casually date. That wasn't up on my list of distractions.

Instead I went through the rest of my classes and groaned at the mention of the coming exams, the last before finals. I wasn't the best test taker so that was to be dreaded.

After school I paused in my truck to call Kim and Lulu.

"Hello?" An out of breath voice answered.

"Hi I'm…"

"Hold on sweets. The bitch is talking again."

I confusedly kept quiet as I heard the rattling of pans and a TV; then the voice was back.

"Do you like Rachel Ray, whoever you are?"

"I can't say that I do. I'm more of a Paula Dean lover." I said with a hesitant laugh.

"Ah live long and prosper then. I'm trying to learn to cook and this yappy chick is not helping. Anyway, how rude was I? Did I get your name?

"Uh no, I'm Bella Swan. I saw the ad asking for a French tutor for Kim and Lulu?"

"Oh great. I'm Aiyanna, Kim's mom. I'll wrangle one of the girls. Hold on a minute."

I was already feeling good about this opportunity. It would be good to get out of Forks for just a little break a couple of times a week.

"Hi, this is Kim."

"Oh hi Kim, my name's Bella; I saw your poster in Forks High School."

"Thank god. My best friend and I are drowning in class. How long have you taken French for?"

"Since seventh grade and I'm a junior now."

"Perfect. What would you charge?"

I would have done it for free, but I thought practically about gas money. "How about ten dollars per lesson."

"That is a miracle and a half. What day is good for you?"

"I don't have work tomorrow. I could be there by four."

"You're a lifesaver."

"Wait to say that after I get you guys an A."

"Deal. Lulu and I will see you tomorrow. Do you have an email account I can send directions to?"

"If you have a cell phone you can send them to this number. I'm guessing we're meeting at your house?"

"Yes. Will see you at four. Thanks so much."

"No problem." I hung up and felt a genuine smile on my face. She seemed like a fun girl and I liked the idea of maybe meeting new friends.

I felt pretty good as I drove to the diner for work. I changed quickly in the employee bathroom and my coworker Morgan came in and raised a brow at me.

"You look happy. Did you get an A or something?" She worked her blonde hair up into a neat bun.

Morgan had just moved to town a week ago from Georgia. She wasn't adjusting well to the move and used her job as I did, for a distraction. She was a nice girl though and we worked well together.

"I got a tutoring gig. Should help take up some free time."

"Oh yea, you wouldn't want to have a life."

"A busy life is a life Mor." I said, and went out to start my shift.

It was true enough. I'd rather be busy than wallowing. As long as I was still trying, I was content with how I was doing.

Waitressing wasn't exactly stimulating to the brain but it did help with my lack of coordination. I also felt better to be working. One thing Renee always taught me was if you're making your own money, you feel better about yourself. I liked knowing I could take care of myself. Maybe being around vampires and having to rely on them for safety had made me forget I was capable of doing so.

In many ways, this was working. I was doing well in school, my relationships with friends and family was working well, and I was safe. I didn't have to worry about anyone. I was learning how to accept a normal life, and moving on seemed like it could be possible.

Even if I still felt the pain of something missing.

Edward POV

In a last minute decision I decided to go out of the country. I felt the need for more distance. I wasn't looking for anything in particular. I wasn't even sure what to do. I couldn't keep going the way I was though.

The more I thought of it, the more I realized I was becoming someone I didn't want to be. I didn't want to be a killer, even if those I was killing were deserving. I was growing more and more lost, and decided to make a change. I wasn't sure how to be happy, but I could at least be doing something good while I was figuring things out.

First I made my way to where Alice and Jasper were vacationing to pick up some paperwork. I didn't call, but I knew Alice would have seen me coming and gotten everything prepared.

It did feel good to see them, though I recognized the disapproving look in Alice's eyes. I knew she'd seen everything I had done. I felt the shame of that, but I had no defense. I was just lucky my control had held up enough that I hadn't killed any innocents.

Jasper was more sensitive towards me, likely because he could feel my emotions. He asked me through his thoughts if I was sure about staying away from Forks, and I silenced the question with a look.

"How are the others?" I asked him.

"Well enough. Rosalie and Emmett had a small tiff but they're fine. Esme and Carlisle are staying in the South of France. Haven't you called them?"

"Not since my slips. I just check in their thoughts briefly to be sure they are safe."

"What can I do Edward?"

I sighed. "This is up to me. I have to figure this out for myself."

"Stay here why you do it. Alice misses you, we all do."

"I need to stay moving for now. You all have already had to move because of me, I don't need to cause more inconveniences by staying here."

"You're family, it's never inconvenient. You've done the same for me a time or two if I recall."

"And I would again. If I need you, I know what to do." I gave him a small smiled and hugged him before going to their porch to say goodbye to Alice.

Without a word she handed me an envelope. I opened it to see the paperwork I requested as well as a chunk of cash.

"I have money you know."

"Well now you have more." She said in a blank tone. "You'll be careful?"

"I will." I replied and hesitated before deciding she was too upset for me to hug her. "I love you Alice."

"I know. And I love you, even if you let go of the best part of you."

"Please don't." I couldn't handle hearing about Bella. No matter how much I wanted to ask about her, I couldn't even handle her name.

I touched Alice's hand briefly and went to leave.

"She's safe." Alice called after me, saying nothing more.

I took a glimmer of relief from hearing it. Bella's safety had been my priority, and reason enough for me to move on.

Even though I never saw myself learning how to live happily without her.

Alice POV

I heard Jasper come outside, but I stayed facing where Edward had gone. I wished with everything I was that he'd turn back. But he didn't.

Jasper came behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. I leaned against him and covered his hands with mine.

"He'll be ok Al. You wouldn't have let him go otherwise."

"I know I just want us all back together. I want him to be happy life he was. I want her to have the life she wanted. They aren't their full selves without the other."

"They'll find each other. They did once, and they will again."

"Exactly. All he's doing is wasting time. I won't let him do that for long."

"Can't fight what's meant." He said and I smiled.

"You can't move on from it either."

_**Authors Note: Ok so just a little explanation to those of you who are new to reading my stories and didn't recognize some familiar names in this chapter. Seeing as this is my last project (rewriting the saga) I had the idea to tie in my old stories with my rewrites. That means I'm using my version of the side characters, and my original characters in my rewrite. For example, I'll be using: Kim, Jared, Yaya, Mingan, Embry, Morgan, Lulu, and Elan from I'm His Lobster. Paul and Ripley from The Life I Belong To. Leah, Sam, Seth, and Athan from Hey, It's Me…and some others. Basically I'm saying a last goodbye to the characters I made my own. This doesn't mean you have to of read my other stories to understand what's going on. No one will be lost, everything will be explained. Of course if you want to read my other stories, that's cool too. They are pretty cool after all =P Anyways, it feels good to be writing some familiar names again. I hope everyone likes this idea, and enjoys. REVIEW! Please and Thank you. **_


	3. Teaching and Being Taught

Bella POV

I never realized I was a small town girl until I found my place in Forks. I never felt quite right in Phoenix, but it didn't occur to me that my discomfort was due to city life. Turns out woods and quite dirt roads were part of my favorite things list.

La Push was now added to that. I loved the drive there. I loved how the trees looked on the winding roads and rolled down my windows. All I could hear was the breeze and it was very calming. Especially once I entered La Push.

It was like another world in another time. There was a general store followed by a bookstore called Clear Waters, which I made a note to check out. Children were gathered in a game of kickball, while some adults paused from store windows to watch.

While I was sure everyone on the reservation knew one another, and therefore could tell me and my rumbley tank of a truck were outsiders, I was still acknowledged as I drove by. Through waves and nods, I felt very much a part of their environment even though the area seemed old fashioned and seduced, there was something magic here.

Maybe I was just sensitive to magic now and searched for it.

I made my way to Kim's house and noted it wasn't too far from Jake's. She lived in a small ranch stle house painted in a light yellow. When I pulled up to the side of the house, a boy who looked my age or so came running out. As I got out of my truck he threw his hands up at me.

"It's a madhouse in there, turn back now, whoever you are."

"No French tutor ever backs down from a challenge." I grabbed my books and smiled at him.

"Oh you're here for Kim and Lu? You're safe then. It's the lady of the house who's lost her mind. I'm Elan. Kim's brother."

"Bella. Does that mean Rachael Ray is on?"

"You've been here before."

"No, but I called during some sort of cooking attempt."

"And you're still coming here?" He looked at me with shock but humor hit his eyes. "You're a brave one. Good luck." He went into what resembled the only car someone our age could afford.

I turned back to the house as a woman came out. She looked the same age as Renee and I could recognize the easy going nature about her. She wagged a spoon in the direction where Elan had gone.

"That boy thinks he knows everything cuz he's going to be a senior. I'll get the hand of this and he'll be sorry." She looked to me and smiled. "You must be Bella. The girls are inside. You're saving us all seeing as I can't speak French to save my life." She led me into the house and waved her hands at the kitchen. "Ignore the mess. It's usually not like this. I had a couple afternoons off and I thought I'd try to conquer baking. My son dubbed that a fail."

"The trick is to not follow the shows. They move too fast, it's better to use recipes."

She looked at me like I was the second coming of Christ. "You can cook?"

"I cook a few things for dinner. My dad has never complained."

"You can be my cooking tutor."

"Yaya, are you trying to steal our French help?" A girl said as she came into the room. Another girl followed behind her.

The girl who talked was definitely Kim. She and Aiyanna had the same hazel eyes and freckles, though Kim's hair had more waves to it. Louise was taller and had dirty blonde hair with probably a little too much make up on. Both girls happy and nice though.

"I'll pay you double of what the girls are." Aiyanna said and the two girls rolled their eyes.

"Education first, as my parents say." Lulu smiled at Aiyanna though, and I could tell she was closer with this family then she was with her own. "Hi Bella, I'm Louise." She reached out to shake my hand.

"Since when are you formal Lulu? I'm Kimber then." Kim waved as she reached for a French to English dictionary. "We figured we'd work in my room, away from Yaya's danger zone."

"Both my children disrespecting me in one day. There should be a law against that." Aiyanna scoffed.

"My dad's a cop, I would have heard of it by now I'm sure."

"Charlie!" Aiyanna exclaimed, and Lulu rolled her eyes.

"Her name is Bella, you mental patient."

"Not her, you ingrate. You're father is Charlie Swan! I don't know why I didn't piece that together sooner. I've known your father for years, he always raves about you." She turned back to the girls. "You two got a good tutor."

"Yes Yaya, so can we have her now? Rachael's making apple tarts now; you go show her who is boss."

Aiyanna glared, but still got back to her cooking. I followed Lulu and Kim to the back of the house and into the room behind the living room. It looked like a library had exploded in it. There was flashcards and worksheets everywhere along with binders and two French text books on the bed.

"Wow. You guys failing majorly or something?"

"No but we are close. I have a C and Lulu has a D." Kim attempted to straighten parts of the room up. "We kept thinking we could up our grades if we kept trying."

"We aren't slackers."

"Just inept." Kim finished.

"Well we'll work on that." I got out my own old notebooks from French. "What parts are you guys struggling with?" I asked, and we got started.

They were certainly hard working girls so that wasn't the issue. They mostly struggled with verb confusion, and pronunciation. Lulu also had very little patience and if she got something wrong more than once she'd start to give up and want to move on to something else. I kept working with them though and after a couple of hours I saw some improvement I figured it would only take them a few more lessons to have them ready for their final exam.

When we surfaced for a break I realized I had a missed call from Charlie and checked my voicemail. He was saying he was at Billy's for dinner and if I wanted I could either stop by there or meet him at home.

"How convenient." I said as I closed my phone. "Charlie is over at Billy's so I'm gonna head over there." I closed the textbook of theirs that I was using. "Teaching session one, over."

"I'm a little less worried now." Kim said and Lulu shrugged.

"I'm better at remembering the tricks to pronouncing but I'm never going to remember the rest."

"Glad to hear you have such faith in my skills." I winked at them. "Don't worry, you got this."

We got up and went back through the house and saw Elan and Aiyanna locked in a fight. Both Kim and Lulu sighed and I hid my smile.

"I know you never liked her but do you really have to look relieved that we broke up?" Elan glared at his mother.

"I never said I didn't like Fifi."

"Her name is Alix." Kim said and both Elan and Aiyanna turned their glares to her. "Just saying. So you two broke up?"

"She's going to college back in France, we figured now might be the best time to end it."

"Ugh enough French talk." Lulu said but patted Elan's back.

The talk of breakups didn't cause my pains to start but the look the two of them shared at that second did. It went unnoticed by Kim and Aiyanna but I saw. The way Lulu looked conflicted between comforting and her own relief, it was clear that she felt more than brotherly love for Elan, and had for some time. Elan looked as though the single touch she'd given him was the comfort he needed. Then while they kept at a distance I noticed Elan sneak a quick glance at Lulu. It reminded me with a pang of the way Edward looked at me before we got together. The look of wanting something you couldn't have.

"Bella would you like to stay for dinner?" Aiyanna snapped me out of my thoughts. "I didn't cook it I swear."

"Next time maybe. Charlie is over at the Black's house so I was going to head over there."

"You call your father Charlie?" Kim asked.

"You call your mother Yaya."

"True that's probably not normal." Elan added.

"Who had time for normalcy?" Aiyanna laughed. "Well you'll have to stay next time then. It'll be my own thank you for helping the girls."

"Your thank you is to poison her?" Elan asked with a smirk.

"You're lucky you just broke up with someone, or else I would have let you see my tears."

Elan went over to hug Aiyanna s the girls thanked me again and we set up the next time. As I left Aiyanna called after me, "Tell Billy I said hi."

I got into my truck and with a final wave for the girls in the kitchen window, I pulled out. I was pretty sure on where Jake's house was but I winged it.

It took a couple extra turns but I found the pale pink house in its seclusion. I knew the pink was Sarah's doing. I hadn't known Jake's mother but Renee had and she told stories about her often. Billy and Sarah had been six years older than Renee and Charlie but they were all still close friends. It was Sarah who taught Renee how to bring color into the house to liven it up. It was sad in a way that I knew more stories about Renee and Sarah than I did about my own parents. I think Renee missed her more than anything else in the area.

I parked next to Charlie's cruiser and heard noise coming from the garage off the house. I could see Jacob through the window of the shop, working on his car, so I went in.

"Bella! I didn't know you were coming by."

"Me neither. I was tutoring in town when I got my dad's message."

"Sweet. What are you tutoring for?"

"French. You should know the girls. Kim and Louise."

"Oh yea. They're in my grade. I'm in Spanish though. Much easier." He grinned and pulled his long hair into a tail. "We ordered a couple of pizzas. My friend is over too."

"So shouldn't you be in there keeping him company?"

"I'm rude." He wiped grease off his hands. "Also he's finishing up his homework. His mom works a lot and his father isn't in the picture so he stays with us sometimes. I think you met him at the beach before. Embry Call." He looked at his watch. "There better be food left."

"If not, we'll start a riot." I walked in with Jake and was surprised at how comfortable I felt. I also saw Charlie was quite comfortable here as well. He sat in a recliner with his beer and smiled at me.

"Good you got my message. How was tutoring?"

"It was good. Aiyanna Graystone says hi to you Billy." I smiled at Jakes Dad until I saw the look of glee wash over his face. Really? More crushes. Jeez.

"Lovely woman." He mumbled and turned back to the game with Charlie.

I sat at the dining room table and ate with Jake and Embry. They were both sweet and laid back guys, and I laughed as much with them as I had at Kim's house. It was shaping up to be a good day, and I felt myself relax more than I had in weeks. Here I had been trying to learn to move on, and now I was being taught how easy it might be. Maybe I could forget and live a comfortable life as if I hadn't met the Cullen's. Maybe I could forget Edward and how he'd look at me. I didn't need to be around supernatural people to feel normal. I could do this all on my own and maybe one day it the pains would stop.

"Billy you ought to ask Aiyanna over for dinner one of these nights." I called into the living room and Jake smiled. "No sense in wasting time." My own smile died as his face came into my mind.

It seemed I still had more learning to do.


	4. Downside to Immortality

Edward POV

One of the consequences of never aging is that to the public you're never fully taken seriously. Especially in this time. I couldn't say I blamed adults for treating teenagers like children, where as in my day they would have been considered to be adults themselves. However, today's adults seemed to forget who was responsible for raising this generation.

Even though I was presently attempting to be in my early twenties, I still looked younger which automatically made people question me. Where was I going, what was I up to, what was I doing here; were all the thoughts I heard as I traveled. I ended my travels in Argentina which drew in even more questions. What was an American doing here? I almost enjoyed the flood of confusion. I had spent the last weeks hidden, it felt slightly better to be seen. I felt the monster sink away as the human part of me attempted to come out.

I tried to keep my thoughts away from the reason why my human self was cut down to size, and instead concentrated on where I was going. The weather was a relief. Even though the sun made humans unknowingly vulnerable, I took it as a test of my replenished control. The market place was its usual madness, but I enjoyed seeing my control hold up as I approached the butcher shop. As I walked in a boy "my age" looked eager to assist me. The place was empty, which was perfect for my purpose there. I asked in Spanish for the owner and the boy looked surprised, but complied.

As the owner came out he took one look at me and stiffened. I smiled. Here, the way I looked would ensure I be taken seriously.

"Hello Nardo." I said, still in Spanish. "Can we speak in private?"

He nodded and led me away, into the back of the shop. "Cullen?" he said as he turned back.

"I believe you know my brother Emmett and my sister Rosalie yes."

He nodded twice. "Would you be asking for what they do when they vacation here?"

"I would."

"I can have it delivered."

"That won't be necessary, unless you're uncomfortable with me coming to pick it up." He didn't say that he was, but I could see it. "Delivery is fine. I'll give you the address and payment for the next few months."

"You don't need to pay that much now."

"It's alright. I trust you." I gave a reassuring smile, but he was still tense. I had made my point and done my business so I figured I'd leave before I gave Nardo a coronary. "Do you have any for me to take now Nardo? Before the first delivery?"

"I don't, but will within the next hour or so. I can have the first delivery sent tonight."

"That'd be much appreciated." I handed him a bit of paper with my address on it and his payment, and left before he broke out in a sweat.

I went to my second stop before I went back to where I'd be staying. It was a short walk from my room in the boarding house to the hospital I'd be working in. I didn't need that convenience but it was better I stayed in one area.

The hospital put me on edge. I left part of myself in one, and now I was seeking some level of fulfillment in another. I got my ID and directions to where I was to check in.

Hospice. The smell of the area was of lurking death. The rooms looked cold. The people in them looked like they were anxiously awaiting their final minute. It wasn't a cheerful place. Yet, it was perfect for me now. There was still something I could do right.

I checked in with the people at the front desk, and got my assigned rooms. I was to be keeping the people who didn't have family to visit them company. I was given three people; Carmen, Marisol, and Jorge. All were terminal patients who didn't get any visitors. I wasn't sure what they'd ask of me, but I needed to be doing something.

I met with Marisol first who was mostly unresponsive. Her chart read that she liked to be read to, though I wasn't sure how they'd even know she was enjoying it though. Still, I read to her in her language for forty five minutes. I made a note to find better books than the selection the hospital had.

Jorge was going to be difficult. He didn't seem to want any visitor s and certainly didn't want to see me. He didn't converse, he didn't ask for anything, and looked annoyed when I tried reading.

Looked like I had two unresponsive patients.

Then there was Carmen. I had a good feeling about her from the start. She didn't even look sick like the other two, but age was clear. Her hair was smoke grey but her eyes still sharp and nearly the same shade of green as mine. She looked at me from her bed with a smirk that suggested she knew my every secret.

"Let me guess, college student trying to get community service credit." Her voice was soft but I could see she still had her wits about her.

"Wrong. I'm here on my own."

"Oh no, you have a reason. Doesn't mean your intentions aren't pure, but you still have a personal reason."

"Are you a fortune teller then?"

"Not in this life. Maybe the next one. So what is it you're here to do Mr…"

"I'm sorry." I offered her my hand, careful of her IV. "I'm Edward Cullen."

"For an American your Spanish is quite good. I'm Carmen Villanueva. Don't you dare bother with the last name though.

"Alright then, and my purpose here is to do whatever you want."

"If I was half a century younger I'd suggest some unorthodox things but for now I hear you're a reader."

"I've read to two others yes."

"Who?"

"Marisol and Jorge."

"Sad stories, theirs. Ah well. I'm not much for being read to, at least not when I'm having a good day. I'll interrogate you instead. Why are you in Argentina?"

"My family has been traveling here for years. Thought it would be a good place to stop for a while."

"Where is your family?"

"Scattered around at the moment."

"That's vague." Her eyes twinkled. "Are they criminals or something?"

"Yes. Drifters."

"Marvelous. My own family is also scattered. I imagine my granddaughter has to be your age by now."

"Can I ask why they aren't here?"

"My son and I aren't close. He moved to Germany for business when my granddaughter was a toddler. I don't see them often." She didn't look too sad about it, just stated it like a fact. But I sensed it took a while for her to accept that.

"That's too bad."

"It is. I've long since given up on trying to change it though. People are what they are; you can't run away from it."

I tried to mask my reaction to that statement with a smile. "Well I'm here to keep you company."

"How often will you be here?"

"Every day."

"Man of leisure are you?"

"In a sense."

"You're going to be a mystery, I can see." She grinned "I'm good at solving mysteries."

"We'll see." I smiled back.

We spent the rest of our time talking about lighter subjects. I found out she was seventy four and used to work as an artist. She missed it, I could see that plainly. It was almost like she didn't know what to do with her hands.

"What do you do when you're not visiting old strangers?"

"Nothing of note."

"More mystery."

"Or I'm just classically boring."

She studied me in her way again and shook her head. "No, you're not boring. In fact I have a feeling there's more to you that anyone could imagine. Now that's a story I'd like to hear one day."

I could see Carmen would provide me with ample distraction. I even felt myself relax around her. I could forget everything unpleasant. At least for an hour. Tomorrow though, when I fully started the job, I'd be staying for two hours per patient. When you're a vampire, filling up your time is very important. Especially in my case.

I said goodbye to Carmen and went back towards the boarding house. Luckily the land lady didn't seem to care when her boarders ate so she didn't seem to notice me going up to my room bypassing the kitchen. I did check the small mailroom though and saw my delivery had come while I was out. I picked up the cooler and went to my room. Luckily the room was the most private, and furthest away from the bathroom, which didn't matter to me. It met all my needs. I was even comforted to not have to spend my nights in the woods. I may not be able to sleep, but a real bed was still appreciated.

I opened the cooler and took out one of the eight pouches that were in it and placed it in the small microwave the boarding house provided me with. I put a look on the cooler and placed it in the mini fridge. I saw the note Nardo had left that said when the next delivery would be. I made a mental note to provide Nardo with a bonus before I left here, if I did. The pouches of pigs blood leftover from his shop would make hunting unnecessary for me, which was a relief. I took the warmed blood out and poured it into a cup I had. It wasn't the same as hunting, or as drinking from a human but it felt more civilized, which I needed. Pigs blood was also more appetizing than the game in Argentina would have been. I could almost taste meat and felt stronger quicker and on less than I would have if it had been deer.

I considered calling my family but couldn't bring myself to do it. Another phone number also ran through my mind, but I pushed it back.

"She's safe. She'll have a normal full life." I said to myself as I had a dozen times before. That was most important, and I'd relearn how to live outside of her and I.

The consequence of that was knowing she'd die without me one day. Just as I was likely to watch Jorge, Marisol, and maybe even Carmen die while I was here. I'd watched much death over my time, and here I stayed, unchanging. I drank another gulp of the blood, hoping this was all somehow worth it, and I'd find a reason for this vampire life.


	5. Keep It Up

Bella POV

"I got an A. I don't understand how."

I snorted. "Your faith in me is everlasting I see." I opened my eyes from my place on her bedroom floor and smiled at Kim. "Only took three sessions to get you an A."

"I didn't doubt you but I'm still surprised."

"When is Lu getting here so I can see what she got?"

"She wouldn't even tell me so I'd say she did really well or really poorly."

"It usually goes one way or the other." I chuckled. After a few sessions with dinner afterwards provided by Yaya, the family had become just as much my friend as Jess and Angela. I knew even after I was done tutoring them, I'd probably still spend some time in La Push.

Just then there was a noise in the front of the house followed by Yaya yelling.

"Lu's here." Kim said, but didn't make a move to go get her. "Yaya has the night shift tonight so she was sleeping on the couch. That's why I asked you and Louise to come through the basement. I guess Lu decided not to listen."

"Well no, Elan's room is down there." I grinned and before Kim could respond to my theory Louise burst into the room.

"That woman is crazy."

"So are you, that's why you two clash." Kim grinned at Lu's glare.

"Enough Yaya, more French test. Gimmie." I clapped my hands together and say up on the floor.

"You're not a rug you know, and there are chairs."

"I like the floor, stop stalking."

"She dug out her test paper and tossed it down to me. "I'm not thrilled."

"I don't understand why not seeing as this here is an A."

"Oh Lu! We did it. We just have to keep it up."

"That's the problem. If I got a B then there'd be room to improve. Now we can only go down."

"No negative Nell, you can stay at this level." I kicked her ankle. "You just watch."

"Yea well I guess it's good. I'm going to go show the parentals before they go on their business trip. Maybe they'll give me money." She packed up her test and then gasped. "Oh I forgot why I came in here so loudly, I had to tell you guys what I heard. Sam Uley is back."

"No way!" Kim said

Sam Uley was a local boy on the reservation who had gone missing a few weeks before. He no longer had family on La Push but he was dating Harry Clearwater's daughter. My dad and Billy were close to the Clearwater family so I had heard a lot about Sam. "Where has he been?" I asked.

"He isn't saying, but he looks different. He's taller and broader." Lu gestured at her shoulders.

"So what he went off to work out? You Quileute's are weird. I smirked and stood. "Well time for me to get going. I have a craving for ziti for dinner, I should get cooking."

"Such the display of domesticity. I'm making up a frozen pizza for me. Elan's on his own."

"Lovely sister you are." I said and agreed to hang out with them that weekend. As left, Yaya was back to sleeping on the couch so my wave goodbye went unseen, and I got back to my car. I was pleasantly surprised by how well my truck was holding up. La Push wasn't far of course, but a half hour both ways every other day was a big deal for an old tank. He never faltered though. So far so good.

I had only been driving a few minutes when I saw a familiar boy walking on the side of the road. I pulled over and rolled down my window.

"Well hey there little boy, wanna help me search for my lost puppy?"

Jake grinned but shook his head. "I don't take rides from strangers."

"I've got a bike for you and candy."

"Sold!" Jake leapt into the car. "Where is it?"

"Sorry, I lied. I'll give you a ride to wherever you were going though."

"I wasn't going anywhere in particular I was just getting away from my dad."

"Billy? What'd he do?"

"He's been way overprotective lately. He doesn't like me going anywhere he can't see me."

"Did you do something wrong?"

"That's what I keep asking and he says no, I just need to do what he says. Obviously I'm not listening."

"Well you're in trouble now. And you've made me an accomplice."

"I won't tell him you're involved."

"Charlie will. I'm taking you to my house."

"Oh." He looked surprised. "I didn't think to go there. He actually shouldn't be that made then as long as I tell him where I went. He likes Charlie after all."

"What am I? Chopped liver?"

"Yes."

"I'm not letting you eat my cooking now."

"With all the time you've been spending at the Graystone's that's probably for the best."

"Hey only Aiyanna seems to be the failed cook. The others just don't try. They're good people though. Lulu was telling me Sam Uley is back."

"Yea strangest thing. Just walked right into the Clearwater's house."

"No explanation?"

"None we've heard. Dad had to go to a tribal elders meeting."

"Billy is hardly an elder."

"Tell him that, maybe he'll stop acting like a crank."

"He's probably just worried you'll run off like Sam did. Just keep behaving and he'll have no reason to keep this up."

"Thanks Dr. Swan."

"That'll be thirty nine ninety five."

We chatted as I drove and we ended up getting back at the house the same time Charlie did.

"Hey, I brought you home that son you always wanted."

"Actually never wanted a son, you've always sufficed. I guess we can keep him in the attic though."

"Even here I don't feel the love." Jake slumped his shoulders and Charlie clapped him on the back.

"What's the problem Jacob?" Dad asked as I unlocked the door and we walked into the house.

"Dad's acting weird. Can you tell him I'm not eight?"

"I could but us parents tend to not believe that sort of thing."

"Great."

"I've noticed he's been a little worried lately. Maybe now that the Uley boy is back he'll settle."

"That's what I said." I called to them from the kitchen. Charlie peeked over to see I was getting the noodles going.

"Great minds think alike. Ziti? I knew you were my daughter. I've been tasting that forever."

Charlie turned on the TV but went upstairs to change out of his uniform. Jake came to sit on the counter as I cooked.

"So what's new with you?" He asked.

"Not much. Work at the diner in town a few nights a week so Charlie doesn't get spoiled by me cooking all the time."

"How about friends?"

"I have a few I see at school, but I'm getting closer to Kim and Lulu."

"Not to mention now that the weather is getting nicer you can participate in the La Push outdoor activities."

"More opportunities for me to trip over a tree root."

"Hey a month ago Charlie came by and said you were going on a hike. Outdoor activity right there."

The comment took me off guard so I didn't have my wall completely up. The hike. The first time Edward said he loved me. The beginning of the end. I kept my back to Jake and gripped the stove edge, waiting for control.

"You ok? You don't have to hike, we don't even do that much."

"No it's ok. I just took a side trip there. I'm fine." I shook my head as if to clear his name away.

"Oh. You were hiking with…..oh."

"It's fine Jake." I looked back hoping my expression reflected the words.

"I'm sorry. You've looked happier than I expected the last few times I've seen you so I thought you had moved on."

"It's taken a lot of work to look that way and even feel it." I was surprised I was even talking about this. Usually I didn't allow any talk about the situation but with Jacob it was different. Maybe because he was a guy and wouldn't dwell on it. "I'm trying to move on."

"You don't sound like you think it's going to happen."

"I'm hopeful. Just gotta keep up the happy days I've been having."

"Well I'm here for you."

Here I thought I'd be more hesitant to let anyone in again. I hadn't just lost Edward, I'd lost his family. My family. I never wanted that feeling to happen again. Yet somehow I found myself trusting Jacob.

"Same to you." I said and smiled as he took out a jar of sauce and helped me with dinner.

Just like that, I felt I had a real friend.

Edward POV

"You can't be quiet forever you know Jorge. Eventually you'll want to talk to someone. Why not me?"

Jorge still stared across the room at the TV, which wasn't even on.

"Do you want to watch TV then if you don't want to talk? I asked with no response. "Alright I'm turning it on then and we'll find something to watch."

This was my sixth day at the hospital and I'd made no progress with Marisol or with Jorge. Marisol at least had a medical reason, where as Jorge was just stubborn. Carmen and I got along great, although I hadn't seen her yesterday due to her resting most of the day. I was hoping she was feeling better. Especially since Jorge and Marisol were like talking to myself. Sometimes I was tempted to read their minds but I never did. It wasn't my place. I did wish I could find a way to get through to Jorge. It didn't make sense to me why he'd be silent to everyone when his life was winding down. You'd think he'd want some connection.

So I spoke enough for the both of us.

"I've been reading to Marisol next door for a few days now. Sometimes I swear she smiles but it's unlikely. Carmen says I'm too much of a dreamer and I'm seeing things. Do you know Carmen? She's down the hall. She hasn't said anything about you, just that Marisol's story as well as yours is a sad one." I looked from the TV back to Jorge to see if he reacted. Of course not. "Have you ever seen a Clint Eastwood movie? I think you'd like him.

For the most part I felt like an idiot around Jorge. He didn't know anything about me or say a word, yet he still somehow made me feel small and idiotic.

"Ok Jorge you know I'm here to keep you company. There are other people here who might actually want that. If you don't, let me know and I'll find one of them."

He stayed in his usual stance but for once he turned to look at me.

"Do you want me to go?" This was the most I had gotten out of him. He looked at me and slowly shook his head and then looked back at the TV.

"Alright then. Progress. Let's watch some TV in silence then. You're going to have to talk to me eventually though." I met his glare. "Trust me I got nothing but time."

Sometimes I wasn't so sure why it was so important that I helped these people. I knew my family thought I was satisfying some sort of guilt I had after everything that happened with Bella. In part that was true but really the only thing that would make that guilt go away would be the knowledge that Bella was happy and had a better life than I would have been able to give her. Being in Argentina was a distraction. Being at this hospital was to find why I was here. What was my purpose? It couldn't be to kill when I really didn't want to when it came down to it. All I wanted was to know there was a reason for all of this.

When my time was up with Jorge I said goodbye and went see Carmen. She looked annoyed rather than tired or sick.

"Took you long enough." She grumbled.

"Well what's your problem?"

"I don't like today."

"Oh yes, Thursdays are cruel."

"I meant the date smartass."

"Sorry. I've just come from Jorge's room, I'm happy to get a response."

"Oh Jorge."

"Why is the dare a bad one?"

"It would have been my husband's 98th birthday."

"I'm sorry Carmen." I took her hand and squeezed gently.

She patted my hand and sighed. "Death happens. Other widows I know don't seem to understand why I get upset on his birthday. They tell me I should be happy on this day because I should be happy he was born. Of course I am, but I'd be happier if he was still here."

"I understand. Ninety eight huh? Some age difference."

Now her eyes glimmered. "Oh yes. It was quite the scandal. I was twenty one when I met him. Late in the game for those days. He was forty five, even older than my father. And an artist like me. That made us clash for a while then there was this heat. We couldn't even touch without feeling a spark of it, can you imagine?"

I gulped. "I'm sure it was amazing."

"It was. And infuriating."

"How so?"

"He was a stubborn man. Always pushing away from me in those days. We didn't get married until I was thirty. Eight years he wasted thinking there was something out there better for me. That I'd find a younger man or one who I didn't argue with so much."

"You argued?" While I enjoyed Carmen venting, the similarities were making my head spin.

"About everything and anything. Our friends would call us debaters. Every little topic had to be bickered over. But with every little argument we'd end up just starring at each other and smiling." Carmen paused and smiled and I knew she was seeing him smiling at her. "In the end he couldn't fight it. We were meant, simple as that."

"You haven't struck me as a romantic until now."

"I'm not really. I just believe in the power of what's meant to be. That goes with many things not just relationships." She turned her smile on me. "What about you Edward, is there a girl?"

"No." I said quietly but as I did I saw her face.

"That's a yes." She studied me a minute. "But you're not ready. That's ok. To be honest it's just a relief having you here today, you don't need to say anything even."

Nothing could have made me feel better at that moment than knowing I was where I needed to be. "How about you just talk about your husband then? Tell me what he was like."

Carmen beamed and lapsed into tales of her and her husband's good times. For a moment things were normal. I hoped I could keep it up. For now I was comforted by my friend, and comforting her.


	6. Reminds Me Of Someone I Know

Bella POV

And just like that, I could breathe.

As I left my last final exam and handed in my last paper, I felt all the stress of the past couple of weeks lift. I was now a senior. I wasn't really excited to be, but I was happy the year was at least over. When you're enrolled in school it feels like New Years is in June and not January.

The month of May was the reason for my stress in June. I had spent the whole time either working or in La Push. While it made my emotion a little brighter I suffered in my school work. Two of my classes gave me cause to worry for a passing grade. After taking the tests though, I knew I did all I could.

I also couldn't find it in me to regret the fun I had been having. Even at work I had found a good rhythm and Morgan and I got along well.

The afternoon's I didn't work were spent with Kim and Lulu. I stopped charging them for their sessions by the last week of April. I knew I was there because I wanted to be, and not for a job. Then the weekends were spent with Jake.

I hadn't spent this much time with a guy since Edward, but I was surprised to find it was actually easier to be around Jake in some ways. I didn't have to worry about making him uncomfortable or if I was doing something wrong. It wasn't the same of course. Jake and I didn't feel anything past friendship for one another. Though no one seemed to believe us. I guess I understood that it was hard for anyone to believe a boy and girl could be just friends, but it really was like that. At most we hugged sometimes, but there was no spark to it. I was just a girl hanging out with boys. A lot of the time Quil and Embry tagged along with us, though for some reason people only wondered about Jake and I.

We weren't the center of attention on the reservation though. There was too much going on. The first odd occurrence was Sam Uley and Paul Jaci's changes. A few weeks after Sam came back from being missing, Paul, another local boy who was my age; started changing as well. It was like he went through a second puberty, and hung out with Sam rather than old friends. Jake said they were always with the tribal elders or looking over the reservation as if they ran it. It made no sense, and people generally avoided them now, which made feel sort of have sympathy for them.

There was also an increase in animal attacks in the area, as well as surrounding ones, which made me curious. Were nomads near again? It was a part of my brain I wished I could switch off the awareness to. I wanted to forget all my knowledge on vampires, yet it didn't seem to work.

For now though, all that was on my mind was the relief of finishing tests, and making it to my shift. I was looking forward to only having work responsibilities for the summer. However, it meant I had to lose a distraction. Hopefully the girls and even the boys would provide enough distraction.

I drove to the diner and noticed Morgan wasn't there yet. I ignored the calls of the more annoying customers and went to change in the bathroom. Mack, my boss, was good about dealing with the more immature crowd from my high school who liked to say odd things to me. To Morgan they'd whistle; but to me they either do the same or worse, they ask about the Cullen's. Mostly it was the jocks being curious about Rosalie and I could ignore it. It only took a mention of their name to put me on edge though. I was beginning to get discouraged on how long it was going to take me to get over the need to put a guard up. Maybe I'd always be sensitive to them.

Excellent.

As I started my shift I had twice the work load since Morgan was late to waiting her tables. I was still in a decent mood knowing my school work was done. There were few blissful feelings that could compare to knowing your finals were over. I was still a little frazzled with customers by the time Jake, Quil, and Embry came in.

Whenever I saw the three of them, just as when I saw Lu and Kim, I got an ache for that kind of bond. Yes I was close to them now, but I didn't have a childhood friendship that lasted that long. At least I was making up for it now.

The boys sat in my station as Morgan rushed in.

"I'm sorry, my car practically exploded on me." She said as she straightened her work shirt. "Am I fired?"

"No, but I like you a little less. It's starting to die down now that the jocks left."

Morgan winced. "The other C word was brought up?"

"You betcha. In your station too."

"I ow you."

"Indeed you do. I'm going to take a quick break." I said, and went over to where the boys were sitting.

"There she is. We considered helping you, but it didn't look fun." Jake said as I sat in the booth.

"Everyone is celebrating no school, combined with the regular Friday night crowd. I keep telling Mack we need one more waiter or waitress for the weekends at least." I sighed and leaned against Jake.

"Well we're here to celebrate with you. When do you get off?" Quil asked.

"Two hours."

"That's about the time it will take us to eat and hang out." Jake picked up a menu.

"Are you guys sure you won't be bored?"

"Touch my ass one more time Dylan I dare you." Morgan yelled at a guy we went to school with and dumped his order of grilled cheese and tomato soup down his front.

"I don't know what you're talking about Bells, this place is hopping." Jacpb laughed and Quil clapped at Morgan. Embry however looked struck dumb.

"Whose that?" He asked me.

"Dylan Riker. Forks High Douche."

"No the girl."

"My coworker Morgan." I considered his gaze and smiled as I elbowed Jake. He grinned too when he noticed. "She's a year older than you Embry."

"Months. I'm the oldest in our class." But he turned back in his chair. "I'm no good at that sort of thing though.

"Aw. You still got me." Quil added.

"Thanks babe." Embry kicked him.

"Well I have to get back to work. What do you guys want me to get you?"

The rest of my shift went by normally. The boys didn't look bored once as they ate and talked. It seemed like as long as they were together they were having fun. I even noticed Morgan glance at the table a few times and I could have sworn it was at Embry. I liked the idea of that. It was never going to be easy to see people share those looks, but I was happy at the idea of my friends finding something special.

As I was cleaning my area and getting ready to leave I noticed Jacob taking a phone call and looking upset. I quickly told Mack my shift was up and went to the boys.

"Charlie is fine." Jake said immediately knowing me well. "We have to go back to La Push. Harry and Sue Clearwater were in a car accident."

"Shit how bad?"

"Harry is gone. Sue is at the hospital. I don't know how bad it is. Dad just said we should come home. Charlie is on his way to the hospital with him." His voice cracked. Billy, Charlie, and Harry were the adult versions of Embry, Quil, and himself.

"Put your bikes in the back of my truck. We'll all go."

Sue and Harry, like Billy and Sarah, were old friends of my parents. I didn't know them as well, but since I moved here I saw a lot of Harry. I couldn't picture him dead. I thought of Leah, who had just turned eighteen and gone through all this trouble with Sam. Not to mention her little brother Seth who was so young to lose his father.

The boys hurried into the truck with Jacob sitting up front with me. I knew this was harder for them than it was for me and I had no idea what to say. Instead I just drove and we were all quiet. I felt my phone buzz and knew it was probably Charlie.

"Jake, go in my pocket and check my phone."

"Your pants pocket? Under other circumstances I'd be excited."

"Shut up Jacob." I leaned slightly so he could reach the phone.

"It's a text from your dad. Actually it's three of them. I guess he's not good with the buttons. It just says he's staying with Billy at the hospital."

"Tell him I'm taking you three to the Clearwater's and I'll be there if he needs anything."

"Jake, why aren't Leah and Seth at the hospital?" Quil asked.

"Dad said Seth has been sick with bronchitis for a few days and has been in bed. They haven't told him yet. If Sue stabilizes Dad and Charlie will come to tell him and bring them to Sue."

"So Leah is basically by herself?" I pushed the gas pedal a bit further.

"Easy Bells. Emily is there."

"Who is Emily?"

"Leah's cousin. They're pretty much attached at the hip all summers. She's a year older then Emily like Sam. Em spends every summer living at the Clearwater's. Embry said and kicked Jake's seat. "Kind of like I stay at the Black's and Lulu stays with the Graystone's. We got shit parents.

"Embry Call, you do not have a shit parent. Your Mom just works a lot."

"No, Paul Jaci's mother works a lot. She's a nurse. My mother works so she doesn't have to be home around me. She's said she only kept me because child support was paid and my father begged her to. And he's not even around."

I sighed. "Well you have Jake and Quil then. Screw parents."

"Bella can be our parent." Quil smirked.

"She is very motherly." Jacob joined in and nudged me.

"Enough you three. We're here." I pulled up next to an old car recognized as Harry's. Sue's wasn't there of course. I felt a lump rise. "Maybe I should wait in the car."

"Why?" Quil asked.

"It's not my place. I've only seen Leah once since I moved back. I've never even met Seth."

"And you won't yet, at least not until he's told. You don't have to go in, but it might help to have another girl as backup." Jake patted my knee.

"Alright." We got out of the truck and walked toward the house. I felt helpless knowing there really wasn't anything I could do.

Quil, who was the most likable of us, knocked and we saw two figures from the living room window rise.

Leah answered the door and I guessed it was Emily who was behind her. Both girls looked shocked but I could see the grief leaking through Leah's expression.

"Hi guys." She said softly. "Billy called and said you guys would be coming by. Thanks for coming." She let us in and looked at me. "Good to see you again Bella."

"Leah, I'm so sorry. We came by in case you wanted us to watch Seth if you wanted to go to the hospital, or we can just stay here and wait with you if you want."

"That'd be great. I can't leave Seth. I just can't even fully believe it yet." She shook her head. "I just saw them leave for Port Angeles this morning." She teared up. "They were getting new clothes for my graduation this weekend."

"Leah don't go there. What happened had nothing to do with you." Emily said and we went to the living room.

"My parents died going on their honeymoon. I used to think if I hadn't been born they could have had their honeymoon years before. But Grandpa told me not to think like that. It was just their time." Quil said.

"I bet Harry is fishing wherever he is now." Jacob said and patted Leah's shoulder.

"Oh I don't know about that. He'd never go without Billy or Charlie." She half smiled at us. "It's really great you guys came."

Another knock at the door had Leah tensing. I offered to get it and gulped as I saw Paul and Sam on the other side. I had only seen Paul once before, but I could see just how much he had changed, like Sam. "Hi guys."

"Where's Leah?" Sam said, his voice breaking.

"Sam?" Leah called, and I heard her rush over.

I stepped aside as the two boys came in. Paul looked a little out of place, and Sam looked like he was in as much pain as Leah. He held her close and whispered something that sounded like, "It's ok me, I'm here." I knew they had odd nicknames for each other. I ached at seeing their closeness but there was something off about it. Leah didn't hold Sam like a girlfriend held a boyfriend. Sam looked at her with love but not passion. They looked like Jake and I.

As if on cue, Sam looked around the room as if something was missing. He seemed to be looking like a metal detector searches for its pull. Then everything changed.

I noticed a few things. First, Sam's gaze met Emily's. Emily stopped mid-wave to stare back with a questioning look. Those of us who were behind Leah and could see Sam were confused. He was looking with pure love. There was no doubt about it, except that he looked as shocked as she to be looking at her that way. I felt spasms of pain as I recognized the look, only back then I had been on the receiving end. Now, Sam was looking at Emily as if they were alone and had been created for the sole purpose of each other. As he held Leah, Sam began to shake in an odd way.

"Sam?" What is it?" Leah asked, and tried to break away but Sam kept her there, as if he was afraid to let her go.

"No." He whispered to no one in particular, looking at Emily and pushing Leah closer to him.

"Sam, let go of her." Paul said as we all felt confused.

"No." He repeated only stronger.

"Sam, come on." Paul said more urgently.

"Can't be. No. I can't…" Sam looked from Leah in his arms, to Emily, with an expression of conflict.

"You're going to hurt her." Paul whispered, which I didn't understand. None of this made sense.

Sam listened though. His mouth kept opening and shutting as Paul dragged him out of the house.

"Sam?" Leah called out and went to the door. "They're gone. What the hell was that?" She turned back to the rest of us. "Emily?"

"I don't know. I haven't fought with him or anything."

As we considered what had just happened, we could hear wolves howling. They had been far more active in the past weeks. Somehow it was a sound that comforted me though. The long mournful cries echoed the ones I felt in my own mind. I glanced at Emily and say her look as though she was wishing for something. I knew the feeling.

No matter how many months passed I still wished for the same thing. I wondered what it was he wished for.

Edward POV

There was nothing easier for me these days than playing for the patients. The piano wasn't the best of kinds but I was enjoying myself as I playing songs that's melodies spoke of summer time.

I was relieved I hadn't lost any of my three patients in the three months I'd been here. Marisol had a close call but even without being resuscitated, she pulled through. Since then I noticed Jorge had changed his attitude. It made me wonder about the story Carmen had spoke of, though I didn't press it. Yet. I'd find out when one of them told me.

Though when dealing with Jorge I had to admit it was more likely Marisol would somehow tell me.

I spent so much time here; it had just about become my home. I still missed my family but I felt I was where I needed to be. Marisol and Jorge didn't acknowledge me but Carmen and I grew to be the closest of friends. The other nurses and patients were always saying how wherever one of us was, you could find the other. Carmen even wheeled into Marisol's room sometimes so she was there when I was reading. I worried about her moving around so much, but I wanted her to do whatever she wanted.

I did notice she grew more and more impatient on her question about my past. She'd say she could see I was haunted by memories. I hoped she'd never know of such things. Instead I did my best to be sure we spoke of easier subjects.

Twice a week I'd play the piano for the whole floor. I'd take requests from both the nurses and the patients. While I played, I always made sure Carmen had her sketchbook. She enjoyed doing drawings of the people watching. During my last few piano session though, I noticed her sketching me. I tried not to be aware of it because it made me strangely nervous.

This morning I brought in beverages to the nurses, who never asked why I didn't have one for myself. Unobservant humans. If only Carmen was as well. She was in her bed wheeled into Marisol's room, waiting for me as usual. Her eyes were questioning.

"Do you have one of those American eating disorders?"

"Not only American's have eating disorders Car."

"Is that a yes?"

"No that's a clarification. I don't have an eating disorder, I eat at home."

"You're never home you're always here and you never eat."

"I do so, you just miss it."

"I don't miss anything."

"She's feisty today Marisol. What do you want to wager that means she's had a letter from her son?"

"Don't you go speaking to comatose figures about me. Respect my age."

I rolled my eyes but considered her. In my first few weeks Carmen would tell me to respect my elder. Then she began to tell me to respect her age. It was as if she knew she wasn't the eldest. It could have just been me being paranoid though. And I refused to read her mind to find out. The only people whose minds I read were the nurses to check how patients were really doing, as well as my boarding house occupants to be sure there was no suspicions. Carmen's suspicions or theories didn't frighten me, I just wondered about it.

For whatever reason, I trusted her and didn't see her saying anything to anyone if she did ever discover me.

Reminded me of someone else I knew.

"There!" She exclaimed and pointed at me.

"What are you shouting for you lunatic?"

"Mari isn't waking up, I'll shout if I wish. That expression you had. You were thinking of her."

"Who her?"

"Thee her."

"There's no her."

"Him?"

"Carmen." I sighed and took out Marisol's latest story to be read.

"Oh it's me?"

"You wish." I smirked at her grin. Then more sternly, "There is no her." I took my seat in between her bed and Marisol's and opened the book. Carmen's hand covered mine.

"You don't have to hide from me, pet. Or Marisol. We are excellent secret keepers and here for you."

"I considered a moment, and squeezed her hand. "There isn't a her….anymore."

"Where is she?"

"Back in America."

"You left."

"We shouldn't discuss this here." I glanced at Marisol again.

"Oh you let her hear the tale. She loves love stories trust me. Interesting subject change attempt."

"Yes I left."

"Why?"

"We weren't right for each other. I didn't want it to end worse."

"But there's love. I see it all over your face."

"Love isn't enough."

"Oh it certainly isn't. But it's a perfect incentive to try." She patted my knee. "Tell us something happy about her."

I kept my block up but let out little characteristics. "She's like you surprisingly enough. She's blunt and sharp. I could rarely be mysterious as you say around her. She's intelligent and fascinated by things most girls her age aren't. Oh and stubborn. You wouldn't believe. But strong. There isn't girl as brave as she is. She makes everything feel comfortable and easy and the darkest times seem bright if she's there." I paused as a lump built in my throat. "You'd love her sense of humor." I forced a smile for Carmen.

"I'd love her in general, I can tell." She squeezed my knee and then sat back, looking at Marisol. "You should tell Jorge that story."

"Hah. Oh yes he'd love it. 'Edward tell me of the girl you'd hum to sleep.' Sure Car."

"You'd hum her to sleep?"

"Sometimes. I wrote her a lullaby that was what I hummed or played."

"Are you ok, Are you holding up with this?"

"I'm not ok." I said honestly. "I'm trying to be though. You make me better every day."

"Oh you." She touched my face. "The sweetie."

"Edward?" A nurse poked her head in. "We were wondering if you could play a little earlier today?"

"No problem." I said and squeezed Carmen's hand before helping the nurse wheel her bed into the lounge. Jorge was there as well, though he was in a wheelchair like the others. As I got to the piano I saw Carmen raise her arm.

"I have a request Mr. Cullen."

"And what would that be?"

"A lullaby." She said simply as she got her sketch pad from her blankets and met my eyes.

I wanted to protest. I wanted to glare at her. I also wanted more than anything….to hear that melody again. It seemed she knew me more than I knew myself.

Reminded me of someone else I knew.

My hand ran across the keys as if it was her back I was stroking once more. As the familiar song flowed I let down all my guards and for the first time in months, I let myself see her face.

Then I was flooded with her. As the lullaby soared I saw the girl who met my monsters gaze without fear. The girl who tripped in the cafeteria and threw up her arms with a smile. The girl who saw to the very core of me, and still loved me. I saw her tapping her pencil in class to match my rhythm. I saw us in the forest as she blurted out that she loved me. I saw our first kiss as we danced in her room. I breathed in each vision of her and us gasping at the face I'd longed to touch once more. As the lullaby reached its inevitable close, I shed we had never reached ours.


	7. Blocking

Bella POV

I woke up to something hitting the back of my shoulders. I could never just wake up could I? I had to be disturbed by something. I peered around to see Jacob on the floor, reaching for another weapon.

"The hell?" I muttered just in time to see him launch another wad of folded socks at me. "What's your problem?"

"You were sleeping."

"Well spotted."

"I thought you had enough of that."

"So you decided to throw your laundry at me?"

"It's clean."

"Not the point." I sunk back into the pillow. "Were you raised by wolves?"

"You're grumpy." He was now tossing the socks up in the air while laying back on the air mattress.

"You suck. What time is it? And if it's before eight, prepare for battle."

"Nine actually. You were tired and actually slept in. Busy night last night."

It was more like busy past four nights. Since the end of the school year and the Clearwater's accident I had spent all my time in La Push. The week I decided to take off from work to recoup from finals, was now spent here. Charlie and I camped out at the Black's with him on the couch, and me in Jake's room. He refused to let me take the floor, but paid me back by waking me up the second he was.

"Last night was hell. At least Sue is going to be ok though. That's something."

We'd been at the hospital most of yesterday. Jake kept Seth busy, while I stuck by Leah. Emily had returned home to pack up her things. She'd made the decision the day after the accident to move in for good. She'd finished school the year before, so she was free to do so. She'd be back in time for the funeral.

For the most part the remaining Clearwater's were holding up better than you'd expect. Seth was more subdued than Jake said he usually was. Leah was more anxious when she couldn't see the others, and Sue like her son, was no longer vibrant. She stayed strong for her children though. Last night when it was confirmed she could go home today, Sam finally showed up. Not however, to step up.

Instead at the worst possible time he took Leah outside of the hospital and broke up with her. I had the feeling there was more to what he told her because Leah would not look anyone in the eye.

"What do you think happened? You're a guy." I asked Jacob knowing he'd know what I was talking about.

"I'm a guy but I'm not a monster. I don't know what he could have been thinking. Break up with her, fine, but now? Unforgiveable. They've been friends for years. I don't know him well but I've seen him with Leah. He loved her."

"Leaving when she's hurting isn't love." I said, feeling the painful connection for the first time.

"Bella…"

"No, it's fine." I shook my head clear of the thought as he reached out. "I'm good."

"You can talk about it you know."

"No, I can't. I know if anyone I can talk to you about anything but I can't talk about this. It's better to ignore it.

"It's not healthy to keep it all in."

"It's not healthy to talk about things like this though. I don't want to remember and end up dwelling on it. It'll sink me."

"You're stronger than that. Look how well you've done."

"By blocking it out Jake. I'm still standing and tolerable to be around because I blocked it all out. Sometimes little things break through, but I'm handling it.

He stared at me, considering. "You're sure?"

"I am, but with everything else, you're the first one I go to."

"Well that's something. Maybe I shouldn't have thrown socks at you."

"No. there was no need for that. Ugh what day is it?"

"Wednesday." Jake stood to deflate the air mattress. "I think you're actually going home tonight."

"Maybe. I may stay at Kim's. I don't have work til Friday so I'm free to keep crashing up La Push." I looked at Jake as he straightened. "Jacob Black, have you gotten taller?"

"I know right!" I have no idea what it is. I thought I was done."

"Well you are a junior in high school now, you're growing up."

"Shut up. I hate that you're older. Least I can tower over you."

"Yea I'm scared. Pft. I could take you."

"Yea Miss Fallsalot. You're a killer."

"I've taken on worse than you and your socks."

We glared at each other and I took the pillow and womped him over the head with it. As I grinned he wacked me back with his own pillow and I lunged. We ended up wrestling around the floor, half smothering each other, half hitting.

"What the hell are you two doing?" Charlie said from the doorway.

"He started it." I pointed at Jacob. Blame him."

"Well whoever started it doesn't matter, I blame you both. You woke Billy up, and now he'll be a pain in the ass all day."

"I see. You're obviously a ray of sunshine." I grinned at Charlie's glare. You two need to stop snapping at each other."

"Can't seem to help it. We'll get over it though. Just miss our mediator." Charlie got the usual look he had when he was thinking of Harry. "I'm taking Billy to the hospital. Sue's getting discharged."

"We'll go with you." I said and started looking for my backpack of clothes.

"No, you'll not. You two have been doing enough, and I know you still will, but today, all of today, we want you two to do whatever you want. Relax. Order not request." Charlie pointed at us until we nodded in agreement, and then left to get ready.

"It seems we've been bamboozled into spending time together." I stuck my tongue out at Jake.

"No he said relax and do what we want, who says I wanna spend time with you?"

"I will smother you with your air mattress, don't cross me. I'm going to the beach, I don't care where you go."

"I thought you hate the beach."

"I hate the ocean cuz I hate seaweed, not the beach. I like sitting on the edge." I got up and grabbed my things. "Here I go."

I went out to the bathroom to get ready and by the time I was done, Charlie was getting Billy into his cruiser. I told them to give Sue and the others my love. I almost got in the car with them, but Charlie gave me one of his few scary Dad looks. Even a vamp would reconsider rebelling after seeing that look. So I backed away, even though it felt wrong to not be going with them.

I put my things back in Jake's room, not sure if I'd end up going home or not. I realized he must have left while I was getting ready because he wasn't in the house. I went out to my truck to drive to the beach, and sighed as I saw the occupant in the front seat.

"Well hello person who doesn't want to spend time with me."

"I'm a liar as well as a sock thrower. To the beach then?" He settled in and grinned at me. "Oh come on now, you know you would have missed me if I didn't go anyway."

"Possible. Now we'll never know it seems." I started the truck and maneuvered away from Jake's house. He was right in a way. Whenever we weren't together I didn't collapse or anything but I did feel unhappy. It surprised me to know he actually felt similar. If we were apart and I didn't answer a text from him, he'd worry, and vice versa. I'm sure if our other friends knew about that, they'd assume something more was going on between us.

It was a little weird I guess. I was usually oblivious to odd things, being odd myself. However, there was something about Jake and I that was different. We understood each other so easily. In a way it reminded me of how comfortable I had been with Edward. There was no heat with us though. I didn't feel the need to explain that to anyone, but it was strange to me. After spending so much of my life feeling out of place, who knew all I had to do was move to Washington to find the people who would understand me. Even if I lost most of them.

I shook my head clear of that thought. I was doing better, but I still felt better if I pretended the others had never been here.

I'm sure Freud would have a lot to say about that.

Until I was at that wonderful place in my life where I could look back on my time with Edward and feel grateful I had him in the first place; I enjoyed going to the beach with my best friend.

The weather was pretty decent for once, but I knew it wouldn't last. It was the only downer about this place, although there were many days when I enjoyed the rain. For now Jake and I found a place on the water's edge and sat and talked. He talked about how he was worried about his Dad. Everything with Sue and Harry had drudged up his memories of his own wife's passing. Jake didn't remember it at all; he only had a few memories of his mother. It seemed Billy was taking it all pretty hard though. Between the memories of Sarah and the loss of Harry, Billy was worse off than Charlie. The only good part about it was it seemed to distract him from whatever he was worrying over with Jake.

It was early enough that there weren't a lot of people on the beach, except for Sam and his band of merry men. I noticed Sam and Paul but I didn't recognize the other boy with them. He had the same look though. Tall, muscular, and a lost but alert expression.

"Jacob who is that with the lost boys?"

"Jared Thail." Jake said as he looked over. "Mingan's son."

I had met Mingan Thail at the hospital when we were visiting Sue. Like too many people on La Push he had lost his wife as well. He was a little older than the others, and spoke about his son, though I hadn't seen him. Paul's mother was also there because she was a nurse. She seemed more worried when she spoke of Paul, where as when Mingan talked about his son he did with no worry, only pride. I wondered if he knew Jared was now hanging out with Sam and Paul.

"How many does it take to make a cult?"

"I'd say they have one now." Jake said as he looked over at them. "It's starting to get really weird. Especially the way they look at us."

"What do you mean?"

"I noticed at the hospital they're looking at Embry and I like they're waiting for something. It's making Quil feel left out, Embry angry, and I'm just confused. Then there's how they look at you. That's what pisses me off."

"They look at me?" I hadn't even noticed, usual unobservant me.

"Yea. At first Embry noticed it and thought they were checking you out or something but I don't think that's it. They look at you cautiously."

"Like I'm a bear?"

"Kind of. It's ticking me off."

"Aw you take care of me." I bumped his shoulder.

"I try. You make it difficult though." He smirked at me. "You look like you're holding up better than you were though. Hopefully today helps more."

"I hate it when people point that out. It makes me feel like I looked like death for a while there."

"You did. Maybe because I know you better I can still see how it affects you every day, but for the most part people are starting to think you're getting over it. I know better."

"Gee thanks."

"Do you think you ever will?"

"Get over it?"

"Yea. And move on from him."

"I am moving on from him." I tiptoed carefully. Don't think his name, don't picture his face.

"You know what I mean. Date someone else."

"Is that an invitation?"

"I'd be lying if I said I didn't consider giving it a try. But whenever I think about it, it's not there. I'm probably a stupid guy for not trying to at least suck face." He grinned his famous grin at me as I laughed.

"I thought about it too. Can't help it since you understand me so well. I'm not used to that, so I couldn't help but wonder if that meant we should give it a try as you said. But also like you said, it's not there. Not like that."

"I wish it was sometimes." Jake said honestly. "If nothing else but to make everyone stop asking."

"True. It would make so much easier. Guess we have to settle for being best friends."

"I'm ok with that. How about this, if we're forty and unmarried, we give it a go then."

I struck out my hand to shake his. "Deal." We shook and I leaned on him. "People ask you about us too?"

"Oh yea. Mostly the guys."

"Kim and Lu do the same. Even Jessica and Ang are wondering."

"Boys and girls can never just be friends."

"We're one of a kind." I said and looked back at the broody boys. Sure enough they looked back at me, but not in a normal way. It shook me a little. They looked at Jake like they were waiting for him to explode, meanwhile I got a look of almost fear and anger. Jake was right, none of this made sense at all.

We spent the rest of the day talking as we hung out on the beach. In mid afternoon we went to find ourselves some lunch and ran into Embry and Quil.

"Well if it isn't the love birds." Quil winked at me.

"Hardly. I for one have the hots for Mr. Call, but he only has eyes for Morgan." I smirked as Embry grumbled, but the two of them got into the truck with Jake and I.

"Bells can you drop us off at my house if you're still going to the Graystone's? I don't live far from there."

"No problemo." I changed direction and took them over to Quil's place. "Text me when you guys wanna be picked up, or are you spending the night?"

"I am, but Jake will probably want to get home to you won't he?" Embry snickered to himself until he met my eyes in the mirror. "Kidding."

"That's what I thought you said." I pulled towards Quil's house and the boys got out. Jake hung back.

"You sure you're ok? You know since we brought up certain…..things."

"Yea I'll block it out just fine Jacob."

"And if you can't."

"I'll text you."

"I'm going to anyways. Have fun with the girls."

"Will do." I smiled at him to be reassuring and he left to join Embry and Quil. I drove away thinking about what he said.

I didn't want to block it out forever. I didn't want to rely on having Jake around to feel understood. I wanted more. I had to make sure I got it.

Aiyanna was working so it was just the girls and I. Elan was out somewhere. Kim seemed distracted, though Lulu didn't act like that was out of the ordinary.

"You ok Kim?" I finally asked after we finished watching a movie. She looked out the window most of the time.

"Yea, sorry girls. My mind keeps wandering I guess."

"She's thinking about Jared." Lulu said and Kim rolled her eyes.

"There's nothing to think about there." She said, but her eyes told a different tale.

"What am I missing? Are you talking about Jared Thail? That's weird. I saw him today."

"Where?" Lulu asked so Kim didn't have to.

"At the beach today when I was with Jacob. He was hanging around Sam and Paul."

"I knew it." Kim said. "People have been talking about him changing. Just like the others have."

"Is he one of your friends, I haven't heard you mention him before."

Kim sighed. "No. He was, sort of. But we run in different crowds I guess. Now more than ever. I thought he was better than to hang around Sam. Especially after what he did to Leah."

"Is that already getting around?" I grimaced.

"It's a small rez." Lu explained. She reached for Kim's hand but she got up and went towards the back of the house to her room. We heard a door close. "She just needs a minute. She's had a crush on him for a long time. Everyone here has gone to the same school together since kindergarten. They hung out for a while when they were working on a school project a few years back, but afterwards he acted like he didn't even know her. Kim's used to not being noticed in school but I don't think she expected it from him. She's mostly gotten over the crush since then, but I think she still hangs onto this fairytale hope. She's only said it once, but she said she has a feeling when she looks at him. That he's it and that during those times they talked he really understood her. Who am I to say she's wrong, but it certainly seems like they couldn't be in more opposite directions."

"Seems like it." Was all I could say. It was funny how the people I was now surrounding myself with could understand what I was going through. Maybe it was time to talk about it.

I went over to Kim's room and she let me in. She didn't look overly upset, but she didn't look happy. I knew she needed a distraction, but to know I was there for her. That she was understood.

"I haven't spoken much about the relationship I had….with Edward." I felt the pains but went on. "It was the next to last thing I expected when I moved her, but it was instant. There was a connection from the start, though at first I didn't understand it. I thought I was even imagining it because it was the type of connection I had craved for so long. I've never really fit in before, and in a finger snap I felt like he was the one who could get me. Two weeks was all it took for me to see it was something more. Much more. We fought it for a while for our own reasons, but in the end there was nothing to fight. It just was. He was it for me, and I him. From then on I would have never expected him to leave. I'd go where he went, and we'd always be there for each other. I was as sure of that as I was of my own name. But things happened. And when they did he changed. I don't think I'll ever fully understand why. Even with it happening, it hurts to admit this, but I still love him. I still feel that connection where I think I know how he is. I block it most of the time. I don't let myself think his name or picture his face. Even know I'm blocking it out. My greatest fear now is that he'll always matter to me. That I won't be able to love anyone else or feel what I felt when I was with him. For now though I just try and block it all out. All the memories all the pain. Maybe it's not the healthiest way, but it's my way. It's the only one I know. I'm not saying I know what you feel, but I do understand it. It doesn't matter how short a time you had the connection, if you felt it it'll last with you."

Kim let a tear or two fall and reached to squeeze my hand. "I feel the same. I didn't even have a relationship with him. We've only ever been friends but I felt….I don't know. It's probably stupid, and nothing compared to you and…Bella how are you doing? I had no idea it was that serious."

"No one really does. Sometimes I wonder if it was real. It's not stupid what you feel though. Not at all." I squeezed her hand back and we sat there silent for a moment.

"I get you." She said finally. "And I know you get me. So I know you'd tell me if I was being stupid."

"Absolutely. As would Lu."

"I know. I just try not to talk about it around her. She's heard enough of it and has still stuck around. I don't wanna push it though."

"That's usually how I am with Jacob. He's the only other one I've said this all to though."

"I'm here."

"I know." I smiled back at her, and we went back out to Lulu.

The rest of the night went normal. We had some dinner and watched another movie. I declined the offer to spend the night. Instead I got back in my truck and headed to the Black's. I wasn't sure Jake would be there but my suspicions were confirmed when I saw Charlie's cruiser along the house. I parked the truck and said hi to Billy. Dad was fast asleep on the couch. I shook my head at him. Going home today my ass. He needed to relax as much as Jake and I did, if not more.

"Jake's in his room Bella."

"He's here? I thought he was still at Quils."

"Nope, he walked home. Said he wanted to be here instead." Billy shrugged it off and wheeled to his room.

I rolled my eyes as I walked back to Jake's room. "Well if isn't the filthy sock throwing liar."

"I resent that. Those socks were not filthy." He said from his bed where he was reading a car magazine.

"I was calling you filthy not the socks." I plopped down on the bed next to him and kicked off my shoes.

"Talk about filthy; you just dropped your shoes next to where I sleep."

"Consider it your punishment. Yes you texted me, and thank you, but no you did not tell me you were going home."

"So you didn't know I was going to be here, but you still showed up."

"Yea. I didn't feeling going home alone; I figured Charlie would be here."

"Could have stayed at Kim's."

"Not really. I opened up a little more than I planned on to Kim. It was necessary and I think it made us closer, but it was still hard. I needed to get away from it. Saying his name made me feel like he was there." I whispered the last bit and felt relief when Jake squeezed my hand. When it had been Kim I felt good knowing I had a real friend. When it was Jake, I knew I didn't have to say much. He knew when to ask, and when to listen. For now we just sat there as I worked on putting my blocks back up.

I looked out Jacob's window as I tried falling asleep. I thought I saw a figure moving in the shadows like a red streak. I shook my head to clear the thoughts that bloomed from what I thought I saw. Looked like I was going to have to try harder with my way of coping.

Talk about vampires, and you start thinking you see them. Can't have that can we?

_I know I haven't posted in a bit, my apologies. I've had a hard time with this chapter, hence why it's titled "Blocking." I usually don't have writers block, I just have chapters that are in between action sequences or big scenes that are harder to write. I call them fillers. I didn't realize how long it had been taking me until my grandfather pointed out that he noticed I hadn't updated. I love that he checks in on me that way though. I hope everyone had a good holiday and is still enjoying and reviewing! Merry New Year! Yea that's how I say it. _

_Side note: My friend Suzi is trying to get more buyers on her site so I'm promoting her. She hand makes everything on the site, and will take requests. Check it out! Just remove the spaces. _

http: /www .etsy. com /shop/ suzimonstrocity


	8. All My Friends Say

Chapter 8-All My Friends Say

Bella POV

The funeral had been hell.

It was on Saturday, the day after I returned to work. I had spent that entire shift worrying over the next day. As it turned out, the day was drama free. Emily made it, and was now moved into the Clearwater house, and Sue was able to go and kept her chin high, matching her daughter. Leah never once looked at Sam. Everyone was surprised he was there, but I had a feeling they would have been more surprised if he hadn't of showed up. He left his lackeys at their lair at least. The day was sad enough without throwing the reservation cult into the mix. The day was for Harry, and everyone's mind was on him.

Though that was to be expected. For me it was most hard to see Charlie upset. He was never one to show emotion that much, so seeing him that way was both a shock and hurt. I was doing all I could to help him, but it didn't seem to be working. He stuck close to Billy, just as I stuck close to Jacob.

After sharing with Kim I was relieved she didn't treat me much differently, but someone else did. Jake and his musketeers were now members of the advisement club. All they seemed to want to talk about was my love life, or lack thereof. Here I thought having guys as friends was supposed to give me the luxury of not having to discuss boys.

Apparently I was wrong.

Especially from Jake. Embry and Quil mostly served as his cheerleaders, agreeing and nodding to what he said. The only part I found funny, was how much their position changed. At first it was swearing me off men in general, which led to Embry asking if Lulu, Kim, and I would get together and he could watch. My retort was only if Quil, Jake, and I could watch him muster up the courage to ask Morgan out. After that it morphed into a finding Bella a boyfriend mission. Which failed just as quickly as it began. Once Jake saw my disinterest in dating, he started a new tactic as we were driving to the diner for my Monday night shift.

This tactic was far worse.

"Drop it Jacob."

"Never, just hear me out."

"I don't need to hear an explanation to your lunacy."

"It's not lunacy. You may be holding up just fine to everyone else but I know how much you miss him. So go find him. They said they moved to California, you can look up his number or address to write him."

Except there was no way in hell they were in California. Even if they were, contact was not an option. I had tried it in the beginning with the other Cullen's. No answer. I would not be going through that again. Instead I just said, "They want nothing to do with my anymore Jake."

"There you go with the they stuff again, what's with that. It's like you had a relationship with all of them."

"Not quite so kinky. I don't know how to explain it; we were all just very close, like a family. He wasn't the only one who ditched me. I don't need that. I don't want that."

"That's a load of shit. You're telling me if he walked into the dinner tonight, you wouldn't go to him?"

"No I wouldn't."

"I'm calling bullshit there."

"What would you expect me to do Jacob? Forget the fact that he doesn't really love me, and he tossed me aside, and just leap into his arms? Not happening."

"It makes no sense to me. It doesn't all disappear like that, I think you need to find out what's really going on, and talk it out. For all you know he left because he's dying of cancer and he wanted to spare you the pain."

"What are you a lifetime movie now? He left because I'm not it for him. Simple as that, will you drop it now?" I asked as I pulled into my usual spot at the diner.

"Maybe. For now. But I still say it doesn't matter how many blocks you put up, you're still unhappy. Anyone can see it."

"Yea all my friends say that. It's great."

Jake paused and then walked over to my door. "You know I just want you happy, yes?"

"I know buddy, its ok. I'll get there eventually."

"You better. Or I'll have to force you to marry."

"I'll marry Billy. Then you can call me Mommy."

He growled at me as we walked into the diner. He went to his usual table and I went to the back room to get ready. I appreciated Jake's concern, it was just getting old. I heard the same concerned talk from Angela, and a less sympathetic one from Jess, and a duel attack from both Kim and Lulu. All my friends said the same thing. I needed to either find him, or find someone else.

It was a miracle a spaz like me had found someone even freakier to be with. I was doubtful that would happen again.

My shift went as it usually did. I ignored the usual jackassery. I noticed that Quil came in an hour after I started my shift, and Jake had just ordered himself some dinner. He looked worried so I walked over.

"What's up?" I asked and Jake looked mad.

"Embry's MIA." He said.

"So?"

"So someone saw him with Sam's cult." Quil answered, and now I understood.

"No way." I sunk down to the booth. "What the hell is going on?"

"I don't know, but we're going to find out. Cancel my order would ya Bells? Quil and I are going to find Embry."

"Alright. Be careful please, the both of you."

"Yea scouts honor." Quil said and the two of them rushed out.

I felt weird for the rest of the night. I told myself it was just me worrying about the boys. Maybe it was all the Edward talk. I felt like a part of my block had slipped. Not just that, I felt like I was closer to them. I felt like I did when they were around. Like I was in on the secret and something special.

In the last few minutes of my shift I refilled cups and gave out checks. As I did I felt a coldness that was somehow welcoming. It was familiar, as was the smell. I felt a presence I hadn't in months. But it wasn't a Cullen I saw when I turned towards the pull, but it was a vampire.

"If it isn't the pet." She said, her voice as condescending as I remembered.

I was proud that I didn't feel scared and instead worked up a sneer. "Victoria."

Edward POV

The past week went by quickly but with difficulty. I blamed myself for playing Bella's lullaby. It opened pockets I had been working so hard to sew up. Carmen of course didn't let it go. She said a true friend was there for the other person, and apparently that meant bringing up Bella constantly. I swore she even got Jorge to give me a certain glare that said "What are you doing with your life?"

At first I told myself that was why I had a bad feeling. At first…

Then I couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. I had gotten so close to Bella that when we were together I could tell if she was upset. I felt it too. Our distance didn't seem to change it much. The past week though I felt more depressed than usual. That I could handle, but the panic was another thing. I felt that at the end of the week.

It would have been Friday night her time. I wasn't sure what to do. Did I ignore it, or did I bite the bullet and call her. I realized that would do nothing but give me relief and upset her though, and I couldn't do that.

Even if my friends were saying I was an idiot for it.

"You have the worry face on I see it. Is it over Marisol? She's actually doing a little better." Carmen said as she kept on sketching something she'd been working on all week, but wouldn't show me.

"No, I'm just distracted. It's nothing."

"Lies. You think I don't know when a young man is lying to me? You might as well tell me now, or you'll just have a half hour of pain from me badgering you."

Since I believed her, I caved early. "I just have a bad feeling."

"About her?"

"Don't start Car."

"I'm not I'm merely clarifying."

"Yes about her."

"So call. They have phones in America too."

I raised a brow at her sarcasm. "I'm aware. I'm not doing that to her. It's better both of us move on completely. She's fine."

"Keep telling yourself that."

"Are you seriously going to use my worrying to get me to call her?"

"Yes. Yes I am." She continued sketching, knowing she made her point. "If you want to cop out you can always ask one of your sisters to call her instead. That way you're pissing one of them off instead of her."

"Alice." I said. Alice could just this once check into Bella's future and let me know everything was ok. "Alright maybe that's a good idea. I'll be back in a few minutes."

I went to the payphone across the street from the hospital and called Alice. Jasper answering her phone sent a trill of panic down my spine. His tone made it worse. "Jaz? Where's Alice."

"Edward, I was just going to call you. She had a vision. I think it was about…"

Before he could finish I knew. I heard the phone shuffle as Alice took it. She was speaking but I wasn't listening. I was reading her mind for the vision, and the panic turned to terror as I saw Bella through her mind. Usually I expected if I saw Bella again I'd feel pain with undertones of happiness. I didn't though. All I felt was fear as I saw Bella staring down a nomadic vampire. I was ready to run the whole way back to Washington right then and there…..until I saw Bella's friends walk in behind Victoria; and I learned just the kind of company she'd been keeping since I'd left.

I hung up the phone, the pain of seeing Bella was starting to seep through. She had moved on. She had done all I wished for her. She didn't need my protecting, even from my own kind. She had it. She was ok.

Now I felt all I'd blocked out. I felt the loss of her.

And I knew I had to move on from it.


	9. Who I Run With

Bella POV

I was actually a lot better at staring down vampires than I would have thought. I was beginning to wonder if I should sign up to be a vampire slayer or something. Victoria could probably sense some fear on me though, since she sneered at me. I didn't even know what to say. Hey girl. Sorry about James. If it makes you feel better, the rotten vegetarian vamp who killed him left me. Wanna have a single party? No? Oh you want to eat my heart? Oh ok. That's cool I guess.

She was looking at me like she wanted a little more than to eat me though. She wanted pain.

Excellent.

"So what can I do for you? Some red wine perhaps?"

Her sneer turned to a smile. "You are a clever one. I think I have all I want right here. Let's take a walk. Or would you rather I stop by your house later tonight?"

"As much as I love slumber parties, I'd say now is just fine." I tried to keep my calm even though I was pretty sure my future was quickly becoming quite grim. My fear jumped when I saw Embry walk in. Before I could even work up a panic, he stepped right in front of me. Had he grown? He towered over both Victoria and I.

"Get out." He said to Victoria, and I felt the panic move to shock. He was looking at her like…he knew.

What was more surprising was Victoria looked…surprised and listened. She backed up a few steps so she could see me again.

"You can't hide behind those who are more than you forever little pet. I'll find you alone soon." Was all she said as she left.

I couldn't believe it. Without thinking I tugged Embry towards the back door, muttering to my boss that I'd be back for my last round in a minute. No one seemed to notice the weirdness, or if they did, I didn't notice their reaction. I was too shocked.

"Bella, we shouldn't talk about this here."

"Um we'll talk about it wherever, just talk. What the hell was that? How do you know her?"

"I don't."

"Try again."

He relented a bit. "It's a long story."

"I'm waiting."

He sighed and looked around. "Sam and Paul will be here in a minute. Jared is tracking her, I need to go help."

"Help..what? How? Embry…do you know what she is?" I had never dared to reveal so much, but I swore Embry knew.

"Just like you do. She's a vampire."

Hearing someone else say it was a splash of cold water to my face. I didn't imagine it all. I wasn't the only one who knew. They really were real…and here.

They all were.

"How…how do you know what she is? And what did she mean that you're more than me?"

"I can't tell you that." He looked guarded again, and suddenly far older than nearly seventeen."

"Bullshit Embry, I'm your friend. Do Jake and Quil know? What does this have to do with Sam, Paul, and Jared?"

"Bella I want to tell you, and I wanted to tell Jake and Quil but I can't it's a…." He trailed off as the back door opened and he turned towards it.

Morgan froze at the door as she saw us. Her eyes locked on Embry starring at her, and her friendly smile turned to confusion. "Uh hi Embry?"

I nudged Embry to get him to answer, and then I saw his face. It was _that_ face. The one Sam had when he looked at Emily the night Harry died. I knew Embry and Morgan had an unspoken crush, but that look….it was more. Something big. Before I could say his name he took a step towards Morgan, reaching as if to catch her. Off in the woods there was an animal cry louder than the others I had heard. Usually it had been a comfort to me, but now it sounded sad. In unison Embry was alert and without a word took off running towards it.

"Bella?" Morgan said sounding shaky.

"I have no idea." Was all I could say. I suddenly had a feeling it had something to do with Jacob and Quil though. In fact I was sure of it. "I'll find out though. Do me a favor and clock me out ok? I'll call you."

"Ok. See you later."

"And Morgan, be careful ok. Weird people came in today. Don't go anywhere alone." I said as I took off for my truck. I didn't know where I was going, hell I didn't even know if I was safe. She said she would find me alone, and I didn't doubt here. But the feeling that something was wrong was nearly making me shake. Jacob..Quil…the others. What if Victoria found them instead of me? Her eyes had been more towards black than her usual color. That meant she was hungry.

I drove towards the woods and the border of La Push. What was I even looking for? And that's when I heard it. The wolf again. Only more this time. And that's when it hit me.

It had taken me a while to figure out what Edward was. I had to see things, and feel things. I had the book Jacob gave me with the legends. All those things, plus Edward's confirmation settled me knowing what he was. With this…it came in a snap.

The other legends. The tribal protectors were the myth of La Push. The werewolves. When the cold ones were near, they changed. As Sam, Paul, Jared, and now Embry had changed. I pulled over at the edge of the boarder as I began shaking. This was really happening. This was really true. Nearly all of it made sense.

Before I could even think it through, I was turning off the truck and running towards the sounds of the howls. I didn't think of Victoria, I only thought of the boys. And as I thought of them, I saw the cause of the howls, looking for them as well.

"Laurent."

"Bella." He sauntered over to me and for a moment seemed to forget all else. "Imagine the luck."

"I thought you left them."

"I came back. It seems just in time to find you. Won't Victoria be pleased?"

"Yes I'm sure she'll be over the moon. Happen to see any werewolves come through here?"

I could tell I caught him off guard and he paused from advancing on me. "You know? Just what kind of human are you?"

"The weird kind." I thought about backing up and attempting a run, and when I turned slightly, I saw him behind me. A russet colored wolf. Jacob.

I don't know how I knew it was him. I just did. I knew Laurent saw him, but he didn't do anything. He kept his eyes on me as if gauging my reaction and trying to figure out which was more important, Victoria's wishes or his own safety. He didn't seem intimidated by only one wolf, but I could tell he knew werewolves could kill vampires. What I didn't know is how much control werewolves had. In the movies, they forgot who they were and who they cared about. As I somehow knew this wolf was Jacob, I also felt he knew me. So as he got closer to me I backed up until he was right behind me. Now Laurent seemed to realize something was up.

"You know the werewolves."

"It's not just vegetarian vampires I run with it seems." I said and saw three more wolves emerge behind Laurent. I couldn't tell which ones were which of those three, but as Jacob took the steps to put himself in front of me, I saw the two wolves behind him and realized they must have been Embry and Quil.

Laurent growled and must have thrown himself at me. I couldn't quite see him because he was so fast, but because of their size I could make out Sam, Paul, Jared, and Jake lunging for him as either Quil or Embry bumped me so that I fell onto their back, and both wolves ran off with me. I wanted to tell them to go back but I told myself four wolves against one vampire would be enough.

I realized they were taking me away in case Victoria showed up. I wasn't sure where they were taking me, but I did discover something new.

Riding a werewolf is fun.

I should have been scared. I should have been angry. It was happening all over again. I tripped over something that shouldn't exist. And it left me the only normal one in the bunch. It must have been my curse in life to be observant to supernatural things, but to not be so myself.

That's a world of fairness.

I banked my worry away as the two wolves slowed and stopped outside of what I recognized as the back of Sam Uley's house. Must have been their little headquarters. The wolf I had been on lowered down to the ground and when he did I noticed a slight imperfection in his light brown fur on his right front leg, and realized it matched a birthmark Quil had. I smiled at him.

"Hey Quil. Guess that makes you Embry." I said to the other. "Can you guys switch back, so I can talk to you? The both of you have some explaining to do."

They looked at each other for a minute and then Quil stalked off to the trees and Embry sat on the ground. Even then, his wolf form was nearly as tall as I was. I followed his example and glared at him. "Really? A werewolf? And you were gonna try and keep it from the three of us? Smooth. Now you made them join you."

He made a noise that sounded like a laugh and I could have sworn his eyes rolled.

"We didn't join him, he's not cool enough." Quil said and I turned to see him in his regular form in a pair of old shorts and a dirty looking tshirt. "He's going to stay like that though, so we still have contact with the pack. We can read each other's minds as long as we're in our wolf form."

"Super, more telepathy. The pack of what?"

"That's what we call ourselves Bells." Quil said and sat next to us.

"Oh. Well that still makes it sound like a cult."

"It's not."

"I know. I read about it once. Kind of pieced it together. "

"Is that how you found out about Edward?" Quil asked in a lower voice.

I sighed. The block was certainly getting holes in it. "Yes. He told me, but I had guessed it. Who told you guys?"

"Sam was the first to change so he was the first to know. When he did, the tribal elders were the ones who kept him for those two weeks and taught him what he needed to know."

"Like what? Or am I not allowed to know since I'm not a member of the tribe?"

Embry did his little cackle again and I nudged him. I nudged a werewolf. There's an entry for the diary.

"You're honorary now." Quil laughed. "I don't think anyone else has ever guessed this much before. They told him what had happened to him, that he could phase into a werewolf and the reason he phased was because there were vampires around. They told him about the Cullen's and our treaty with them."

"They never mentioned a treaty."

"No I guess they couldn't tell you everything, or they didn't think it mattered because they did the treaty years and years ago, and there weren't wolves here anymore when they were. For the first time it looks like it was them leaving that triggered the new pack, adding the red head and mister dreads to that for the rest of us. Anyway, since the Cullen's didn't hurt people, they signed a treaty with our tribe and the pack from back then, stating that as long as they didn't bite a human, or come over our boarder, we would leave them be. And as long as they are in Forks, we can't go there in our wolf forms."

"Makes sense." I whispered. I didn't like that I felt relief from that. It's not like they would come back, so what did it matter that they were protected from the pack? "What else? When did you and Jake change, I just saw him earlier today. He said he was going to get you to find out what was up with Embry." I turned to him. "We thought you went to the dark side."

"I had already found Embry, still in his human form and I smelled the vampire through the woods when Jake showed up. I phased first. Then Embry took off to see where the vampire was headed, while Sam phased back to calm Jake down, and I got a crash course on werewolf 101. Then Embry came back in wolf form and we were chasing down the red head when we realized you had followed. Jake didn't phase until he saw you with the one with the dreads."

"Oh jeez." I felt bad now for worrying them. I also felt bad for being the reason for everyone phasing, not just Jake. "I have to tell you guys something."

"What?" Quil looked concerned and Embry stiffened.

"I'm the reason they're here sort of. Victoria and Laurent. Although I'm guessing Laurent is being taken care of quicker than she is. It's a long story but basically….Edward…" I forced it out. "killed Victoria's husband to save me. Apparently I smell like a steaming plate of chicken parm to vampires, and James wanted me as a chew toy. She's back to finish what he started I guess."

"That's not your fault."

"It's why you're all phasing. Now you have all this responsibility to deal with and you're only kids."

"Not anymore."

I shook my head. "You're sixteen. You shouldn't have to know this stuff or be these 'protectors' when you weren't even done being stupid kids yet."

"Aw don't worry. Embry will remain a stupid kid for the next ten years at least." Quil smiled. "I think it still needs to sink in for the three of us, but it definitely explains a lot. 'The Cult' and how we've been feeling and all."

"What's with the staring thing?"

"Huh?"

"The staring thing. Sam did it to Emily, and then broke up with Leah, and when we were still at the diner I swear Embry did the same thing to Morgan. Is that a werewolf thing?"

Embry made a strange noise, and Quil blinked. "Wow, you really do notice a lot."

"I don't know if that's a good thing."

"Me neither. Um. They imprinted."

"Are we on an episode of friends now? Are you going to tell me they found their lobsters?"

"Yes actually."

I stopped chuckling. "Excuse me."

"Imprinting for us is when we see our soul mate. It only happens after we've phased, we could have seen them our whole lives, but the first time we see them after we've phased, that's when it's all clear. We find our soul mates."

"I'm going to gag now."

"Well that's the basic definition."

I turned to Embry. "I told you didn't I? I told you that you had a thing for Morgan. You really need to start listening to me."

Embry growled at me, but I couldn't have felt more comfortable. I really was some kind of a freak. I had been at ease with these boys for months, and now that had multiplied knowing they were something different. Freud would really have a field day with me.

"Wait…" It suddenly hit me. "Are you telling me Sam imprinted on Emily? Leah's cousin!"

Now Quil looked grim. "It's not something we can control. Just like humans can't control who they fall for, it's no different. It's just more instant for us and clear. Sam didn't want to do that to Leah. He hasn't even looked at Emily since. It's been very painful for him."

"Yea finding no sympathy there. I don't care if he can't control it. He could have handled it better."

Embry suddenly turned his head and then got up to go towards the trees, and now I stiffened. "Is it them, are they ok? Or is it her?"

"It's them." Embry said as he came out of the woods. "They took care of Lauren or whatever you called him. Vicky freckles has run over the Canadian border again. We'll have to track her when she come back. For now they're phasing back though, and coming here." He sat back down next to me and shoved me a little. "Don't rub the Morgan thing in my face; I have no idea what I'm going to do about that."

"I suggest offering her a ride, and no that's not a euphemism. That was actually fun. Why'd you prance off to the woods to phase, I want to see it."

"Ha, no. We have to take off our clothes and strap them to our ankles when we phase or else they'll rip. So unless you wanna see Quilly naked." Embry winked and I rolled my eyes. "Ah here they are."

I turned to see Sam, Paul, Jared, and Jake coming towards the house. I let out a sigh when I saw none of them looked hurt in any way. Jake came running right over to me.

"You ok?"

"I didn't fight a vampire, I just chatted two up so yea, I'm fine. Are you?" I looked at the other two with a bit less coolness than usual. "All of you."

"We're fine. A little surprised and disappointed." Jared shrugged.

"Why?" Embry asked.

"Surprised Bella is so ok with all of this." Sam said.

"And disappointed Black didn't imprint just now." Paul finished and smirked.

Jake threw a glare at him. "You've seen inside my head, you know it's not like that."

"About the surprise factor…" I interrupted. "I realize you…wolves…are all chummy now. Probably have a lot to talk about and get to know each other and all. I know you weren't counting on an outsider being around. I'm sorry for all the vamp trouble. At least there's only one now." I got up and brushed the grass off my pants.

"Where are you going?" Jake asked as him, Quil and Embry stood, all much taller than they seemed before.

"Home I guess."

"Not alone." All of them said.

"Guys…listen…I'm really grateful for the help. I know it's your job anyways, but still, thank you. But you guys don't have to protect me, and you certainly don't have to include me. I'm sorry I've invaded this much. I just wanted to make sure these three were ok. If the tribal elders get mad about Quil filling in the blanks for me, I'm sorry. I'll leave you to your pack business now."

"Bella, we may be surprised you guessed a lot, but we aren't angry about it. I doubt the tribal elders will be either. After all Harry was, and Billy still is, and they're best friends with Charlie. With everything you've done for the Clearwater's, and from what I've seen in these three's thoughts, it's clear you're someone we could use around this pack." Sam said, surprising me.

"Not to mention you've been behind enemy lines." Paul added, and I glared at him.

"That doesn't need to be talked about." Jacob said.

"We aren't ditching you. Unless you want to ditch us." Embry said.

"Or if you just want to ditch Embry." Quil added.

"Really?" Embry said to him. "Really though?"

"What, I'm pissed you got to know everything first."

Jake pulled closer to me, and spoke softer. "Bella it's not like them. We aren't going anywhere. It doesn't matter that you aren't like us. You get us. My best friend doesn't go anywhere."

My block seemed to have a few more holes than I thought. Because not only did I trust Jake was right, but I trusted the other five.

"Alright then." Was about all I could manage to say. "What does that make me?"

"The pack human supervisor. Keep our human sides in check." Jared laughed.

I rolled my eyes. "I think all this proves, even though I'm human, I'm not exactly in-tune to how we're supposed to act."

"Well let's go inside and figure out what we're going to do about this leech." Sam said. "Vampire girl can tell us what she knows about her."

Months ago that term would have bothered me. A week ago my stubbornness would have had me yelling at him for it. Today I felt like I was moving towards something new. I was becoming more certain that it wasn't the Cullen's that made Forks my home. It just was, because of the magic it held there. And I was lucky enough to be a part of it. Even if I wasn't quite like them. So instead, I smiled and went in the house with the pack.

The vampire girl ran with wolves too.

_**Authors Note: This chapter is dedicated to June Howard, my grandmother who turned 70 yesterday. I love you.**_


	10. Listen

Edward POV

It was hard to get my concentration back after letting the Bella barrier down. After Alice was sure she was ok, I told her that was it. My family wasn't thrilled with that. As usual I knew they were discussing me behind my back and were tired of me calling the shots in regard to Bella. It wasn't just me who missed her.

Seeing her in the company of young werewolves made me wonder. Here I had left her to ensure her safety and give her a normal life, and she embraced another supernatural form.

While Alice couldn't see the wolves too clearly, since they were so involved in Bella's life she could see a little. What she saw was enough to know that this was Bella's choice. She knew what she was getting into.

It reinforced my realization that Bella could fit into that sort of life, and not only be happy but take care of herself. She didn't need me to be happy or safe, no more than she needed anyone else or the wolves for it. This was a realization I'd been coming to before I knew about her involvement with the werewolves. Now a week after I found out, I felt like I was moving towards something again.

At night when I couldn't be at the hospital, I'd run. On those runs I did my best to not think of her, but I did let myself think about our relationship. The whole trip here was supposed to be so I could figure out what it was, what I should do with my life, and what I was. So on those runs I'd let myself think of the way I was when we'd been an "us."

For the most part it was a happy memory. However there were parts I regretted. Despite her desire to make things equal. I never allowed it. I never believed myself to be better than her whatsoever, but I didn't treat us as a partnership. I treated her as something to be protected. I never took her mind into account. I considered her safety and her happiness above all, and I made sure what we were to each other was her choice. I didn't allow her to choose our end though.

I stood by my reasons. I knew I truly thought I was doing what was best for her. I didn't give her a chance to decide though. All in all, I think that was my biggest regret. I of course regretted how I did it, and that lost her in my life; but I wasn't sure I'd forgive myself for taking away her part in our relationship. That's where I had lost myself in my fear of losing her. I had never been the type of person to control another and disregard their feelings and thoughts. And here, that's what I'd done.

It's always been said that love makes one do stupid things, but I couldn't even recognize who I'd been when I decided to leave her.

While my being away had helped a lot to make me feel more like myself and come to terms with who I'd been, I wasn't sure about my next move. That's where I wished I could confide in an outside perspective.

That thought alone made me long for the conversations I'd had with Bella.

While at the hospital, Carmen was the one I wanted to share more with. However in the past week she had stopped her inquiries of Bella. She wasn't pushing me for information as much. It was unlike her. What was also strange was she suggested I spend more time with Jorge.

Yes, because if there's anyone who dislikes me more than Bella likely does, it's Jorge. I'm sure he'd love more time with me.

Since I didn't even know how to talk to either him or Carmen at the moment though, I decided to sit with Marisol.

When I got to her room though, I had to check to see I was in the right place. It was empty, and Jorge was in a wheelchair outside it.

"Jorge? Where's Marisol? Did something happen?" I wondered if she passed but figured one of the nurses would have said something. When Jorge just shook his head, I reached for his chair. "Why don't I take you back to your room?"

As I went to move him he locked the wheels and simply said. "No."

Seeing as I'd never heard Jorge speak before, it certainly caught my attention.

I didn't read his mind, though I could have, but somehow I just knew what to do. "Why don't we wait for her in her room then?"

He didn't say anything in response, but nodded and unlocked the chairs wheels.

I took him to the edge of the room so there'd still be space to wheel Marisol back in. I sat in my usual chair noticing Jorge staring at the space where her bed usually was.

"Are you going to tell me?" I asked him finally.

"Carmen hasn't?" He said. His voice wasn't as hoarse as I'd expected, since he never spoke.

Then seeing him stare at her space, I realized he did talk. Just only to her.

"It wasn't her story to tell. She only hinted at there being a reason you're so….quiet."

"I've always been a quiet man. Even as a boy. My parents were working always, and I was left to care for my siblings. When you spend all your time yelling at kids, you never think to talk outside that environment. It feels like bringing your work home. Only my home was work, so when I went to school, I enjoyed my quiet. She forced that out of me though. He smiled and I knew he was remembering. "I was about fifteen when I met her. This breeze of life. Always chattering away as she danced around a room. The doctors here say she probably had some form of ADD. We didn't hear of such things then. We'd just call her lively. And she was."

"How long until you fell for her?"

"Oh. I don't know. A year. That first day. She was so different from me, yet insisted on attaching herself to wherever I was. She was an irritation. So sure we should be friends. I had my brothers and sisters, I didn't make friends. She wouldn't hear that. 'Jorge,' she'd say, 'Don't you see you're still. You can listen to me. They can't.'" He smiled again. "So I listened. Whenever she was upset or happy or anything she'd tell me and I'd listen. I didn't realize then that she helped me too. I found out who I was just by being around her."

"And who was that?"

"She'd call me her window sill. She could be a song bird and fly all over, but I'd be there for her to rest. I'd be there always. At first I hated that. I thought she was using me. It made me push her away. Until I realized her depending on me meant something. She could settle down with me. That was a scary realization for me. I was only seventeen by then. That's when I was sure I'd fallen. Once I realized someone didn't just need me to be somewhere, but they wanted it, I'd fallen. She's the only one to want that. So I stopped dragging my feet. I gave all of myself to her."

"At seventeen." I smiled thinking of it.

"Age is not a factor in anything. It's all about mindset. How you act and what you handle. We loved like we had known each other decades. We just fit. She was always right about that."

"Did she still irritate you?"

"Oh God, daily. We'd bicker nearly as much. She was a ball buster at one moment and a fairy the next. She was a dancer. I think that's the hardest part of…now. To see her so still and…quiet."

"When did you get married?"

Now his tone changed. "Our senior year in high school we thought we had the rest of our lives together. We would have. But I let her go."

My throat tightened. "She left?"

"After a push. She got noticed by a ballet company. She wasn't excited though. I was more so than her. 'It's your dream' I told her. 'You have to go.' And she told me, dreams change. Just like that. Barely any thought. That's when I realized how much she'd started to give up since I'd met her. She didn't go out with friends anymore. She became shut in with me. And now she wasn't going to go after her dreams. For what? For me? Just because I couldn't leave my family? I couldn't let her. I couldn't let her put her life on hold. Not for anyone, let alone me. I didn't want her stuck."

"So you told her to go." I said, feeling my throat tighten more.

"Yes. That was the first time I saw her quiet and still. I'd told her I didn't want this. That she should go. She believed that I didn't want her. She said that I said so little that what I did say was always meant. She didn't know I lied. She left that week."

He paused, looking back at the empty space again. "I was probably a miserable person to live around in those days. It took me two years to reach the point where I realized what I had done. I had stopped my own life. I could have lived this wonderful, happy, and fulfilled life with her. I should have fought to work out a solution that was good for the both of us. I should have trusted her to know what she wanted and not made the choice for her. Once I realized all of that, I went to find her. For the first time I didn't think of anyone but us. I also didn't consider what I'd find."

"You were too late." I whispered, and he nodded.

"She was just finishing a rehearsal. I'd been so struck by finally seeing her that I didn't move to her afterwards. I just watched her. That's when I saw one of the back stage workers come to meet her. And not as a friend."

"What'd you do?"

"That's when I left her. I went back home. I went back to being a quiet listener. Even studied psychology. First in my family to go to university. I became a professional listener. I moved on, but I still always thought of her. I never felt whole again. There were other women, but I never married. Couldn't even consider it that is, until I was fifty one and Mrs. Milano made and appointment with me."

He smiled at my puzzled look. "It was a normal day. She was my only new appointment. The secretary said she was seeking council over her divorce. I was irritated that I didn't think to schedule it on a slower day." He smiled wider than I'd ever seen him. "She always did irritate me."

"Marisol?" I half exclaimed.

"I didn't know it until she walked in. I didn't look up at first because I was finishing paperwork. I asked her to wait a moment. Then I heard that mile a minute sing song voice chirp; 'I'm quite through waiting for you Jorge, if you've had enough now.'" He paused to dab at his eye. "Smiling at me like I was a saint, can you imagine? It remains to be the best day of my life."

"Did she really need you as a therapist?"

"She needed a listener, as always. But not for that reason. She'd married twenty years before and had a daughter but she wasn't happy. She stayed in the marriage for her child. And when she'd grown she realized the example she needed to set. She said she wanted her daughter to go for her dreams, so she went for her own. She divorced her husband and found me. She gave me a hard time at first when I told her why I'd asked her to go and how I'd found her, only to leave. Then she laughed at me saying how I'd been bitten in the ass. Here I didn't want her to stop her life, but I didn't live my own. She spoke my very thoughts. As she always had. So after thirty six years from meeting her, and thirty three of those years spent apart, we married a week later. We spent twenty loud and fulfilled years together." He stopped again as his voice shook. "And then she had a stroke. Here we are now. I've made sure Peita, my stepdaughter, is financially set, though she's a grown woman now. The rest of my savings has gone to me staying here. A room away from her. That's the hospitals policy that since I'm family I can't be with her always for certain things. I'm a room away though. I'll never be away from her again."

"Jorge….I hardly know what to say."

"Don't do what I did Edward."

"Excuse me?"

"You think I don't see it plain on your face? I recognize what I saw in mine. I wouldn't trade a moment I've had with Marisol. I'll never stop regretting being the reason we were apart though. That's over thirty years I've lost. I missed our life. There's no excuse to prolong something most people will never see. That's not living. For either person."

"And if it's too late?"

"It's not. Never will be. Even if she's not waiting, she should know you are, and will be until she realizes what's meant. Do you want to live?"

I thought about it for a moment and realized surprisingly, "Yes."

"Can you without her? I mean fully live the life you want and need, without her?"

And without hesitation or thought, "No."

"Then why are you still here?"

As he asked, the nurses wheeled Marisol back in. Jorge wheeled closer to her, grabbing her hand. "Go." He said simply again. "Tell Carmen where to find you, and she'll get that information to me. I'll keep you updated. I know you truly care. But you don't need to be here anymore. Start thinking of you. And go."

Without another word, I listened to the listener, and left the room.


	11. Story That Needed Telling

Edward POV

I knew Alice would see my decision and alert the others. That gave me time to sit with Carmen and tell her I'd be leaving. As I went to her room though, I saw it was empty. I didn't think she had any tests or anything, so I asked the nurse.

"She's been transferred down the hall, she's not doing well." The nurse said sadly. "I don't think she'll make it through the night. She asked for a more private room."

I numbly asked for the room number and walked down the hall. I knew this was coming of course, but I realized I wasn't prepared. I had shared so much with Carmen in these past months, that I never imagined her leaving. But she was.

And here I was, frozen this way.

It didn't matter how long you lived. Death will always follow you. It will always affect you. That state of mind was one of the few things that reassured me maybe vampires did have a soul.

As I reached her room I didn't bother trying to mask that I knew. She'd hate that. Instead I walked in and took my spot at the edge of her bed. There wasn't a chair, but she'd left room for me.

"I knew you'd come by."

"I'm glad you knew."

"I know you're leaving too."

"You know everything do you?"

"I knew Jorge and Marisol were the last keys in getting you to go back."

"And what were the other keys Yoda?"

"Time." She smiled at me. "Mostly you needed time. You needed to realize what you are doesn't mean you can't have love. I love you after all."

"I love you too." I smiled back and reached for her hand. "What do you mean by what I am?"

She looked at me and sighed. "At the end of your life I believe some things become clearer than they are to those with their life ahead of them. Certain hints are caught."

I felt, as I did with Jorge, my throat tighten. "What are you trying to say Car?"

"There's something old about you. Even older than me. Your eyes tell a story of their own. The way you judge yourself, it's as if you've done and seen things you couldn't at your age. How old are you then Edward?"

Again, I didn't hesitate. "Seventeen."

"Not twenty three." She smiled. "And have you been seventeen for longer than I've been alive?"

"Yes." I breathed deep and looked at her. For the second time I had just told a human I was an immortal, and for the second time I was surprised with a laugh."

"Well that's just not fair. I should have seduced you then. Here I'd been thinking you were a young thing." Her expression changed to sympathetic. "So what is it you are then?"

"Why do you want to know? Why now? Shouldn't we just enjoy our time?"

"Perhaps. But why be afraid of it? I know you. I know whatever you are won't change what I already know. IT doesn't make you, you. Why are you so afraid of it? Embrace it."

"I don't think anyone since my mother has made me feel more foolish but loved, like you do."

"That's what I'm here for."

"I'm a vampire." I said, looking her in the eye.

She looked back at me and sighed. "I was hoping for Dorian Grey. I've read stories of him."

"Well that's not embracing what I am."

"I have been this entire time." She smiled. "Can I ask you something?"

"Why not, at this point."

"Can you kill me?"

I tensed. "As in am I capable or you'd like me to?

"I'd like you to."

"Have you lost your mind then?"

She sighed. I thought it would be less painful than the way I'm going. Or does it hurt to be bitten?"

"It's the most pain there is. Not to mention it would draw attention. Oh and there's the fact that I don't kill people. I've only ever killed murders and those types. Never a loved one."

"Forgive me; I'm merely wanting a quick fix. Dying feels so slow."

"I understand. It took me three days."

"Tell me. Tell me the story." She settled back in her pillows like a child does when ready for a bedtime story. For the first time in a long while I felt my age, and older than her.

I told her everything. My human years, my parents dying, my death and changing and how I'd lived since I told her of my family and how we tried to blend in and not be like the others who embraced the monstrous side of our nature. I even told her of my gift.

"What am I thinking?"

"Oh, don't start that."

"How does it work?"

"It depends on the person, and what I'm trying to do. If it's someone I have an attachment to, like my family, then if I put my best effort into it, I can read them from anywhere. I f it's someone I've only just met, then I need to be in the close vicinity to them to hear. We haven't measured it completely, but usually it's a couple miles I can get a read on."

"But you can read anyone's mind?"

"No not always. Sometimes there are those like me who I can't hear. There's only ever been two humans I haven't been able to read."

"Bella." She guessed.

"And you."

"Me? So you've tried?"

"Yes. A while ago. I was so sure you knew about me. You saw me so clearly. SO I checked, but I didn't get thoughts. I got images. Your husband, how you saw me, other memories."

"Am I broken then, or is my brain just stronger than yours?" She smiled weakly.

"Probably a bit of both." I smiled back but griped her hand. I heard her heart beat slow down. "I'm not sure how I'll go along without you yelling at me."

"You'll do just fine. Are you just leaving, or are you going back to her?"

"Yes. I'm going to her."

It's about time. I have something for you."

"What's that?"

"It's on the table there." She pointed at the one on the other side of her bed.

I reluctantly let go of her for the moment to walk over to it. "I'm not taking your sketch book. Carmen."

"There's only one drawing in it. It's yours."

I opened the sketchbook when I reached her side again. As I saw the drawing I had to sit, and reached for her hand again. "Car." I whispered.

It was a simple charcoal drawing. The shading made the background seem ominous. The center was me at the hospital piano, the day I opened the parts of my mind I'd been blocking and played Bella's lullaby.

My hands were somewhat blurred, still playing the song. My expression was as if I was daydreaming and content. I looked as if I had just become whole. The reason for that was the additional person Carmen added to the scene.

Bella. She'd captured her perfectly, even from only the descriptions I'd given her. She stood behind me, her hands wrapped around my shoulders, her cheek pressed to the top of my head. She looked as I did. Clearly, contently; in love. There was no one else. Just us, as I played her song.

"I just drew what I saw. It was one of the most beautiful things I've seen. The look on your face, I knew you were thinking of her. Seeing her. And just like that, she was there. I think she's always with you."

"She is. It's perfect. It's the most amazing thing I own. I wish I could give you something, but nothing will equal this."

"You've given me a lot already. And you're here."

I moved the picture aside and put her hand in both of mine. Her breathing slowed with her heartbeat. "Love you."

"Love you." She echoed.

And as simple as that, another piece of me slipped away, and I knew I'd never be the same.

I sat with her for a time. Fully saying my goodbye. I went down the hall and did the same with Jorge and Marisol. Then I left Argentina. All I took with me was the drawing. No matter what happened next, I knew I'd keep it for all my time. It told my story, more than anything else ever would.

After a little mind checking I found out where my family was. It seemed Alice had had seen my decision and told them all, so they were gathered where Rosalie and Emmett were currently staying.

I didn't feel nervous or ashamed as I thought I would in seeing them again. Carmen had helped me to accept what I was. I may have steered away from Carlisle's ways, I hadn't completely, and I was back now. No matter the outcome with Bella, I knew I'd still stay with my family. I had a refresher course on what was important, and it was them.

I veered up the hills of the Adirondacks in the car I rented and felt Carmen there with me. I was sure I always would now. She'd be my conscience. Keeping me on the right track.

I parked the car next to the others, smiling as I saw Emmett come out first to greet me. I was braced for his hug, or otherwise I would have gone flying.

"I was gonna say a lot of things and yell at you a bit, but I'll just go with I missed you." He said.

I squeezed back. "I'll tell the others you were downright menacing."

"Good. Are you ok? Alice said…."

"Yea. It's been a rough time, but a good one too. I'm ok." I glanced over as Esme came sprinting out. "Much better now." I added right before I caught her. "Hey there."

Within the same second I was surrounded by my sisters. Jasper clapped me on the back as Rosalie yelled at me, but hugged me harder than anyone else. Then the person I'd been searching for walked over. I reached over to hug him. "Hey Dad." I said at his shoulder.

He hugged back, and the emotion was clear in his voice. "You staying?"

"Promise."

I felt him nod and back away. "We've all been discussing what we want to do next, and Rosalie and Emmett don't want to enroll again, But Jasper and Alice do."

"Then we should go back to Forks." I said, and in seeing their surprise, I saw Alice didn't tell them Everything. "Being mischievous again there Tink?

"You have your fun, I have mine."

"You sure you want to go back?" Jasper asked. "With what Alice saw of her…."

"This isn't just about me. I should have never asked you all to leave. It was your home too. I know I had my reasons but it wasn't right. And regardless of who she's friends with now, Bella wouldn't turn any of you away. I know her. So where is it you all want to go, and that's where we'll go."

"I think we all want to go back to Forks." Rosalie said. "It's always felt like home, no matter where else we ran off to. But what about you?"

"Well…." I smiled crookedly. "I have a plan….."

_**Authors Note:**_

_**Well thanks to a fan, I've been nominated twice for the hidden stars award. I'm His Lobster (my first story where Kim/Jared Lulu, Ayanna, and Elan come from) is up for one category, and I'm Running Away So You Can Make Me Whole is up for another. Voting is the 10th to the 12th! Fingers crossed. Awards are cool. **_

_**thehiddenstarawards dot blogspot dot com **_

_**If ya guys wanna vote. Til then, read review and enjoy!**_


	12. And It Breaks My Heart

Bella POV

"This is just unacceptable." Lulu said from her perch on top of Kim's desk.

"Oh quit the drama."I said as I flipped through Kim's book collection. "I'm taking this." I told Kim, who was in a more normal position at the chair of her desk.

"Yea calm it down Lucifer." Kim looked over at the books I was stealing and nodded approval.

"Maybe the fact that you're calm means you don't care as much as I do."

"Yea, that's exactly it."

"For the last time Lu, you and Kim haven to lost me to a cult." I sighed.

"A month ago I believed that. A month ago I thought you were only hanging around them as some sort of interfriendtion for Jake, Quil, and Embry. Now, I'm not so sure."

I rolled my eyes. "I told you, they aren't a cult. Do you think Leah would be around us if it was?"

"Correction, if I may." Kim interrupted. "To play devil's advocate, Leah is only around you. And Emily. And that's just to work at Clear Water's, and that's been weird to witness."

Since Harry passed, Sue had not wanted any part in the business. She kept up with the booking but wouldn't go in unless necessary. Luckily for her, Leah still had an interest. Rather than move out and prepare for college, Leah decided to take over the business. She ran the bookstore along with a new hire, a nice guy named Athan. Then the bakery/café was left to Emily and Kim had been recently hired to assist her.

While Emily and Leah still worked well together, it was a strange situation. Sam had recently started to pursue Emily. He had admitted to me after I found out about the pack that Leah also knew. He'd broken nearly all the rules in telling her, but he said he had to be honest with her. So when he had broken things off, it had really been him telling her what he was, and what had happened with Emily. While Leah was still upset about it, to her credit she acted very civil. She especially never blamed Emily, who didn't even know about Sam, or the imprint. She acted like she was resisting his pursuit, but still seemed….intrigued.

"Word is Emily and Sam are out on a hike this afternoon." Lu said, wiggling her eyebrows.

"Oh stop. Maybe it was supposed to be the two of them all along. Leah's meant for someone less intense than Sam anyway. The two of them are too similar." I defended.

"You'd know. Cult member."

"Louise." Kim swatted her knee. "Bella doesn't have to spend all her time with us, she can have other friends."

"Of course. But why is Sam, Paul, and he who shall not be named; those friends?"

"He has a name Lu." I added.

"Jared." She said, and then pointed at Kim accusingly. "Admit it. Your ovaries just quivered."

"Stop it." Kim got up and went to her closet. "Since you're taking half my books, I'll get you a box."

"Thanks." My eyes met Lulu's. "You know I love you, yes?"

"I know, I know. This is how I express worry. I annoy."

"She sure does." Kim added.

"Trust me, there's nothing to worry about." I paused as I heard one of the boys make their signature yip. "Ugh, so close." I got up and looked out the window to see Jared walking towards the house. "Oh, of course."

"What was that?" Kim asked.

"He who must not be named." I muttered and went for the window lock.

"No way!" Lu exclaimed.

"why is he at the back of the house?" Kim asked, trying to cover up her clear nervousness.

I unlocked and raised the window. "What's the problem?" I shouted to Jared.

"Need to cut short girl time, sorry, but it's important." He said from the sill and looked over at Kim. He smiled then, and shook his head as if he was saying, of course. "Hey there Graystone." He said simply to Kim as Lu and I exchanged a look.

"Uh, hi Thail." She looked confused, and looked to me, as if for an answer. "You need Bella."

"Uh yea. Sorry. Slight problem."

"Alright then. I'll be back later girls." I said as I climbed through the window, and grasped Jared's shoulder as I jumped down.

"Here take the books." Kim went to pass over the box, but Jared grabbed them through the open window for me.

"Bella has your number right?" He asked Kim.

"Yes." She said, confusion growing.

"Is it alright if I call sometime?"

"Yes it is." Lu added for Kim.

Jared laughed and turned back to me. "We better get going. You have your truck?" He asked as we walked away from Kim's house and towards her driveway.

"Yes. Please tell me the reason for the smile is you just imprinted."

"I did." The smile grew. "I don't know how I didn't guess it. I had a crush on her in elementary school."

"Thank you to the imprinting Gods and Goddesses. I'm going to ignore the fact that I've seen three imprintings now, and not been on the receiving end. Instead I'll just be happy."

Jared winced as he put the box in the back of the truck, and got in the passenger seat. "Ah, speaking of other imprints."

"What happened?"

"Sam phased on his hike with Emily. Paul's picking up Leah now."

"Why? Did Emily lose it when she saw?" I started the truck and backed out.

"No, Emily was too close. She got hurt."

I kept my hands steady on the wheel. "Oh no. How bad?"

"Bad. Paul saw when he phased and didn't think it was fatal, but she's definitely messed up."

"Ok, so hospital?"

"Yes but not inside. I don't think they'll let us see her anyways and Sam's somewhere outside of it away from people. He needs calming down. I thought you could do that."

"What makes you say that?"

"It's just your strength."

"No pressure." I drove out to the side roads. "So that was the mellowest imprint of you guys. Just like that you ask to call?"

"I don't see the point in wasting time. I know myself well enough to know what I feel. I'm going for it."

I smiled at him and reached over to squeeze his shoulder. "That's great Jar. She's an amazing girl, I'm happy for you."

"Thanks. Here's hoping it works."

"It will." When he looked at me questioningly, I shrugged. "Just trust me."

As we made it to the hospital, I saw Sam sitting on the curb of the side employee entrance. I guessed that Paul's mom, the nurse, would be the one coming through that door to notify them of updates. I parked and took a breath. "Ugh. I've seen that look."

"Sam's?"

"Yea. Little familiar. Girl hurt, guy feeling guilty."

"Aw shit. I'm sorry. I didn't think."

"It's ok. I'll try and help. When Jake finds out, he may fight you though."

"Understandable."

We got out of the truck, and I went to kneel in front of Sam, holding onto his knees. He placed his hands on top of mine. Squeezed. They were tinted red.

"Tell me." I said simply, squeezing back.

"I thought she'd like a hike since the weather was nice for once. I wasn't going to tell her anything. I was just going to spend some time with her. I've known her for years but I've never actually been alone with her. I thought if she saw me outside of the friendship I've always had with Leah, then maybe we'd have a chance."

"That makes sense."

"I thought so. It went well at first. We seem to mesh. It was effortless, which I didn't expect. We were talking about her plans and mine and somehow ended up talking about the past. That's when things took a turn. She started feeling guilty saying we couldn't do this to Leah, and she started to turn away. I just wanted her to listen and grabbed her arm. I started feeling all these things at once. Guilt, fear, all this. And when she tried to walk away I felt it again. It happened fast. I couldn't stop it and phased. She was too close. That was the part that happened in slow motion. Watching her fall, seeing the blood spread." He stopped, taking his hands back from mine and placing his head in them.

At a loss, I couldn't think what else to do other then squeeze his knees.

"She's going to be ok." I said.

"You don't know that."

"No, but I feel it. And I don't bullshit, do I?"

"No."

"So we'll wait. I'll sit with you and we'll wait."

So I moved to sit next to him and kept my hand in his as we waited. One by one, they all showed up after first going in the hospital to try and beat information out of the nurses for their brother. Paul and Jared sat with us first. Then Jake, Embry, and Quil. While we felt united, I couldn't help but feeling torn still on how I fit into the picture.

"So who's defending the village if you're all here?" I commented and got a chuckle out of Jake.

"Here's hoping nothing explodes." Embry said.

A few moments later Paul's mother came out. Sam was the first to jump up and ask "Emily?"

"She'll be fine. She lost a lot of blood and there's going to be some scarring on the right side of her face and possibly neck. She'll be ok though. The Clearwater's are here since Paul went to tell Leah." She smacked her son. "Which you shouldn't have done. The hospital is supposed to notify."

"Sorry." Paul mumbled.

"Sam I think it'll be alright for you to see her in an hour or so." She added before leaving.

I breathed a sigh of relief. At least she'd be ok. I tried not to think of how she'd react to what she now knew. Or the word 'scarring.' I was surprised when Sam stood up though.

"What are you doing?" Jared asked, standing as well. We all did.

"Mom said not yet." Paul added.

"I'm not going in."

"What do you mean you're not going in? Where are you going?" I went to follow him as he stalked off, despite Embry trying to grab my arm to likely keep me away from Sam's lack of control. Paul caught up first and yanked his arm, and Sam spun back to face us, his expression fierce.

"I'm not doing this. It's bad enough the rez see's us as a cult. Its bad enough I've lost my best friend because of this. It's bad enough I don't even know who I am anymore. I won't be this to her. I won't have around a monster. She didn't deserve this."

The boys looked just as hopeless. Therefore I saw no other course of action, and stepped forward directly in front of Sam, as Jake whispered my name in a cautionary tone.

And I punched Sam in the face. Not as hard as I could, because I knew their strength and knew it wouldn't even affect him. It was to make a point. And still hurt my hand quite a bit as the boys looked shocked, and Jake went to stand behind me, in case he had to hold me back.

"Say anything like that again and I don't care if I have to find the king of the freaking jungle to do the job; I will hurt you."

"What's your problem?" Sam growled in my face and I nudged Jake back before he could jump between us. "You don't know what this is like."

"Oh I don't? Maybe so. But I know what it's like to be sitting hurt in a hospital bed and have the person I love tell me he's leaving. Just because we're different. I know what that feels like and it breaks my heart."

I didn't back away from Sam as he shook slightly. My dizziness was for saying it for the first time in front of all of them. Jakes hands on my shoulders steadied me, but my voice still shook slightly.

"Maybe she isn't in love with you yet, but she deserves a chance to feel what you do. She deserves a choice. It's not just yours. If she's what you want you stay and fight."

"It's not that easy."

"Who the hell said this was going to be easy? Doesn't make it any less worth it. She knows you. Help her to see you're still you."

He softened and we all relaxed a little. His eyes still looked ancient and guilty.

"How is she ever going to even look at me after this?"

If it's meant then she'll look at you the same she always has. She'll understand. Explain how all this works and how you're learning control. Give her all the information. Then give her time to decide what she wants."

"She's right Sam. You can't run." Jared said.

"And you haven't lost Leah. She'll just need time. You two have been friends for years. That doesn't go away." Jake added, squeezing my shoulders.

"You also happen to have five superior friends here." Paul pointed out.

"From where I'm standing I see six." Sam said as he looked at me.

"Oh I'm not counting her as friend or brother. She's pack mother." Paul smirked at me and pushed Jake away as he took my shoulders again and slid his hands to my wait. "Gonna give me a spanking Mom?"

"I'll give you the back of my hand." I chuckled. "You have all that temper Mister Jaci, I think we'd clash.

"Oh, but the fun we'd have."

"Til he imprints." Quil muttered.

Paul erupted into his usual "there's no imprint for me, don't want one" speech, as everyone sat back down at the sidewalk. Sam sat by me and spoke low as Paul ranted to the others.

"I hope one day I'll thank you for this."

"You will."

"Then I'll be a lucky man. Paul's right about one thing, I'm still lucky for the six of you."

"Damn straight."

"I want to kill him for what he did."

"I'm guessing you're not meaning Paul." I sighed.

"No. at the same time, I'm still selfish enough to be grateful he left. Brought you here."

"Maybe that's the silver lining. I'd like to think I was always going to end up here." I turned back to the others, still arguing over imprints. "You know Jarhead imprinted."

Everyone thumped him on the back as he grinned mile wide.

"Why did you two call each other by your last names though?"

"When we were younger we did that. I was surprised she didn't skip a beat with it. I've been a shit to her for all of high school."

"Times change." I said simply, leaning back against the hospital wall.

I had no idea just how much they would continue to change.

Authors Note: The voting for the hidden star awards ends tomorrow, so quick fans of mine, vote for I'm his lobster and I'm running away so you can make me whole. Fingers crossed! Just remove the spaces and follow the url below.

http:/www. thehiddenstarawards. blogspot. com/p/voting. html


	13. You're The Only One That Knows

Bella POV

Things improved as the summer moved on. While I had been the one assuring everyone that things would get better, I had to admit I was surprised at the way things were moving forward with ease.

The loss of Harry was the hardest. I saw it in my dad's and Billy's eyes. It was lovely to see the strength in Sue though. Here I had been so used to my own mother falling apart at a mere breakup, and Sue showed nothing but the will to go on from here situation. I expected that Leah and Seth were her reasons for that. Seth was doing better than Leah. It seemed he took over for his father in some ways. He had Harry's happiness and good demeanor. He lifted everyone's spirits with his easy smile.

Leah was more low. She threw herself in the business, and not much else. She didn't see too many people and rarely left the house for anything other than work. The closer we looked at her, the more we noticed her changes were more than just depression. The boys were starting to suspect she was going to phase soon. While Victoria wasn't making her presence known as obviously as she had before, the boys still agreed there was something in the air. Leah denied what was happening to her. Even when Emily tried to speak to her about it, Leah brushed her off. I even tried to reason with her and all she said was she wouldn't be a monster, with such defiance that one could actually believe she had control in the matter. But of course, she didn't.

All of us agreed it would be best if Sam tried to speak with her, but he refused. He still didn't fully feel he deserved Emily's or our understanding. He thought he'd never get Leah's forgiveness.

Sam and Emily had been a slow but steady process. As Emily recovered at home, Sam explained everything to her. At first she wanted nothing to do with him, but not out of fear and disgust. She held a loyalty to Leah. While it was admirable of her to be so, I found what Leah did to be more so. I truly believe Leah wasn't in love with Sam and had accepted he wasn't for her. I think the loss of her father had given her a better perspective on it. She was still upset with him though. So the fact that she was the one to sit down with Emily and convince her that she was ok, and Emily had to do what she felt was right; to me that was love.

With Leah's blessing, Emily took the time to decide what she wanted. It had been a difficult time to be around Sam. He respected her wishes and gave her the space, until that one afternoon in earlier this month. We had all been gathered outside Sam's house and were talking about what to eat when Emily walked up, offering to cook. From then on, Emily was a part of us as much as Sam was, and Paul would joke to me that the pack had a new mama bear.

While Sam and Emily's relationship seemed like was years coming, there was another that I found to be beautiful. Of course I could have been biased, seeing as it involved Kim. Her and Jared's relationship was as easy as a smile. It was wonderful to watch their slow pursuit of each other. It was so equal and young and sweet, one couldn't help but envy it. The two were so happy with the other that any obstacle they faced, they worked it out together and didn't let it bring them down. Kim even guessed what Jared and the others were. I had never been more proud of her acceptance of it. She did have a moment of insecurity with the idea of the imprint and what it meant for Jared's feelings. She wondered, as we all did when learning about imprinting; if it was a little forced. That doubt didn't last long though. It was clear the feelings were true. The term imprinting came from animals finding their counterpart, whether it was to a parent or guardian, or to a stronger love. Kim called Jared her lobster; for he was as much her imprint as she was his. With them, imprinting became something equal to us, and not just for the wolves.

Morgan and Embry were a good antidote for all the mush and gush love around us. They saw each other in a more downplayed way. They were quiet about their feelings, and kept it more private. I respected that. We were all thrown in such a short time into such a tight knit group, that all our feelings were often out in the open. Morgan and Embry took the time to just be young and keep their relationship to themselves. They were slow but steady. They didn't focus on the imprint, they merely enjoyed each other, and I saw Morgan finally fulfilled. And on one break during work, where other girls may have gushed about their boyfriends declarations, Morgan simply said that Embry had told her he wanted to spend his life with her. No corny lines, not a straight 'I love you', just a statement of truth. There was so much strength in that.

While we all seemed to fit together and work as a group, there were some of us that formed a subgroup. Elan and Lulu had merged with us from time to time. They were of course always going to be where Kim was. They didn't know what the boys were though. It was wearing hard on Morgan, Kim, and I especially; to be the humans in the know, while others didn't. Emily had Leah still to confide in, and didn't feel an attachment yet to Lu and Elan. We knew we didn't have a choice though.

Quil would tease that I should be used to secret keeping by now. I was. I still wasn't used to feeling like an outsider, yet belonging so well though. Being a human and not an imprint in this group was tough. That's why the subgroup of cynics. Mostly being Paul, Jake, and me. Technically Quil should have been in the group with us, but he wasn't as cynical as us. I understood why. He'd been orphaned at such a young age that he never got to witness a relationship first hand. The ones he did see though; made him want one. He was such a sweetie, that I was sure he'd find his soon.

The funny part was that Jared and Embry should have been in our group, but seeing as they had their world series loves, the cynical part of them was diluted. Any cynical comments they made didn't carry the same weight when they had that air of contentment around them. So that left Paul, Jake, and I. While of course, I loved all of my friend, I had to admit a soft spot for those two. Jacob was of course my very best friend. He was my person. And then Paul kept me down to earth with bickering and wrestling. It was a shame I could never win the latter.

My life felt as close to full as I believed it could get. They were my family and I loved every minute with them. What was even better, was our families bonded as well. A lot of them were friends to being with, but now they seemed to form a pack of their own. Aiyanna got along with anyone, and Maura, Paul's mom, formed the mom pack. Embry's mother Nancy wasn't involved, so we tended to forget he was hers and not ours. Then there was the dad pack. Mingan, who was Jared's dad, Billy, and Charlie. However since Charlie wasn't in the know, same as Aiyanna, the group didn't always talk about the pack, just about their kids and whatever else parents talked about. It was nice to see them together as we were. Especially Charlie and Sue. They seemed to both find comfort in their friendship.

It was funny how loss had brought us all together in one way or another. Sam didn't have his parents, which had drawn him to the Clearwater's and ultimately Emily, who was also not an interest of her parents. Then there was Embry and Quil. Embry had never met his father, and Quil had lost both parents, making the two of them pretty much raised with Jake, who like Jared and Paul, lost one of his parents. Then there was us girls. Leah lost her father; Lulu was pretty much raised by a nanny and Aiyanna, while Kim's father ran off not long after she learned to walk. While Morgan's parents were at least interested in her life, they just gave her more freedom than most. Then there was me. Raised by…myself. I knew Renee and Charlie loved me, and that was enough. At least Charlie was there for me now, even if I hard ultimately raised myself. And then there were…the others I…lost.

One couldn't help but realize these similarities we shared we were the orphaned, abandoned, lost, ignored pack of misfits.

Maybe we were a cult.

Charlie didn't seem to mind that I was in a "cult." Maybe because he was happier with these members than the last "cult" I was in.

It was at the end of August now. My senior year would be starting soon. I wasn't too sure about how I was feeling about that. I'd have Morgan there, and that'd be enough, even if we missed our others who'd be in La Push still. I'd also have Angela, Jess, Mike, and Eric. I'd hung out with them over the summer a few times, mostly while working. That way, they'd met Morgan and I was happy to see they all got along. I was also happy to see how well Eric and Ang were doing. Mike and Jessica on the other hand were close to their inevitable high school dramatic breakup. I imagined they were holding on until after graduation though. The basketball player and cheerleader needed to stay together at least for prom.

All the pieces of my life were holding together, and I felt calm. Charlie was obviously relieved to see that. I must have looked worse in the past months than I thought.

Six months. I sat there in the living room floor, drowning out Charlie's shouts at the game, while Iit hit me. They had left at the end of February, and here it was. Six months later here _I_ was. I felt different and the same. I still blocked him out, but I let myself miss the others. I think being a part of my new family allowed me to picture the Cullen's and be thankful they'd given me the confidence to realize I might have been weird, but I could still belong.

I just needed to be by other weirdo's.

I still blocked him out though. In some ways I questions why. Why all the effort over him? Why all the internal drama? It had only been two months with him. That's not a lot of time. It shouldn't have been enough to matter.

But it was everything. As he'd been to me.

I'd long accepted I wouldn't feel something as strong as us. However, I was starting to feel an itch.

I was still a girl. I needed the heat even if I never again got the full on flutter.

When I realized Charlie staring at me, it came to me that maybe he wasn't the best one to be having these thoughts around.

"They there." I said as he stared.

"What'd you do? You look guilty now."

"I was plotting to steal the remote."

"You can try kid."

"I'd win old man." But I winked at him as I stood. "I think instead I'll just head out to meet the boys."

"Figured you wouldn't stay here long." He took my hand before I could leave though. "You're doing ok right? I thought it would be best to not push you to talk about everything. You know I'm here right?"

"I know Dad."

"I was afraid for a while you'd go back to your Moms. I'm selfish enough to be happy the boys have stolen your time rather than you just leaving."

I smiled down at Charlie. Maybe he hadn't been there, but I knew now that he not only had wanted to be there for me, but also wanted to be my Dad. He didn't just love me like Renee. He was a parent who wanted me around.

"This my home. No matter what happens as I branch out on my own, this is it. And this house especially will always be what I come back to."

Charlie did what he always did when he got emotional, and looked away, nodding a good deal. I bent down to hug his shoulders, and in feeling his hands reach up to touch mine, I wished I could tell him everything. Vampires, werewolves, the entire gilante.

But I couldn't. Maybe it was my curse to be the only outside to know.

As I went up to my room to get my boots, I breathed a bit to bank away the sadness. The room didn't help much. It held the memories. That kiss. The way he held me as we danced to forget all but us. The hum of my lullaby.

Catching myself in humming it, I worked to block it again. It had been a little harder than usual, but I managed. Then hearing a familiar call, I looked towards the windows for the source of the whistling yip.

And there they were. They lined the trees, in their other forms save for one. Jacob, who must have been the one to call, jogged towards the back of the house.

Pushing everything else aside, I drew on my boots and went to my window, climbing over the sill, and reaching for the storm drain.

Sometimes doors are just too normal to use.

I jumped down the last few feet, and Jake righted me so I didn't stumble.

"Where to?" I asked him as we walked to the others.

"Anywhere. No sign of red headed leeches, so away we go." Jake grinned and went to phase as I picked Paul out of the wolves. Jake liked to go a little foster than a human could manage without flying away, so for today Paul would suit. His barkish wolf laugh made the others join in as they saw me jokingly pet him.

"Alright horseman." I said as he knelt a bit so I could climb on. "You wanna ride? Let's ride."

And as I clutched at fur amongst six running werewolves, I thought sometimes it benefited to be the one who knew.

_Authors Note: I'm looking forward to the next chapter. One of the perks of knowing what will happen next haha. I know this chapter was a lot of babbling and we jumped a little ahead. I wanted to give information on the others without having it be their story. If any of you want to read my version of the others there's I'm His Lobster which had Kim Jared Lulu Elan Embry Morgan and Aiyanna's story in it. Then there's Hey It's Me which has Leah Athan Sam and Emily. Then there's The Life I Belong To which has Paul and Ripleys story. You don't need to read them to understand what happens in this story, which I've explained before, but if you like these characters, that's where they are. This series is more about the Cullen's (whom I've only really focused on in I'm Running Away So You Can Make Me Whole which is an alternate universe story) and Bella. The other characters are still a big part, but not the focus. Hope that all makes sense. Keep reading, reviewing, and enjoying!_


	14. Dead or Alive

Edward POV

Just about everything was settled except the one thing we'd been dreading.

Notifying the Quileute's.

Every time we came back to the area we had to warn them and be sure the treaty was still in effect. We knew things could be more complicated now seeing as Bella was involved with them. There was a lot we didn't know now. Did Bella know about the wolves? It seemed so, but we couldn't be sure with the holes in Alice's visions due to the wolves we also didn't know what Bella had told them about us or how angry she was. For all we knew, we wouldn't be able to stay. We knew Bella hadn't told any humans, or the Volturi would have been involved. However, seeing us again might set her off. I knew she wouldn't tell but from now on if she asked me to go, then I would. The last things I wanted was her upset or the Volturi finding out she knew of us.

The ancient vampire family wouldn't have a light heart over a human guessing what we were and falling in love with one of our kind.

Then there was Victoria. Alice hadn't seen too many visions of her since it seemed the wolves were on the hunt. We didn't have enough connection to things to have a clear view. Still, Carlisle took care of notifying the Quileute's as we packed up everything to move. I couldn't help but feel anxious. I hadn't seen her in six months. That thought alone was enough to set me on edge.

I kept Marisol, Jorge, and Carmen in mind though, and that was my strength.

While Carlisle said the Quileute's were a little on edge about us coming back but the treaty would continue to be honored as long as we kept up our end. That was all the go ahead we needed.

"That's mine Rosalie!" I heard Alice shriek as we quickly made the last arraignments and packed. The girls now seemed to be fighting over a jacket.

Who said vampires couldn't be typical?

"Alice you're too short for this, it's mine. Back off."

"It's actually mine." Esme said as she snatched it from Rose. "Stop acting like children." Esme tossed it in her suitcase. "Edward did you call the school for you Jasper and Alice?"

"Yes Mom." I grinned. "I faxed the information over that is."

"Alice did you…." Esme broke off. "Alice?" Her tone had me turning and reading Alice.

I bit back a gasp at Bella. It was the clearest vision of her that I'd seen in six months. That meant the wolves were nowhere close. My heart seized as I saw her stand in front of others whose faces I couldn't even see. I only saw her. Facing Victoria she didn't look scared. She had an expression that veered more towards acceptance. I shook my head as I watched Bella step closer to Victoria, closer to the edge of a steep cliff. It was much too high. In any other time I'd be struck by how she looked at that moment. The sun was setting beyond her, bringing out the red streaks in her own hair as Victoria's fired curls whipped around them both as she stepped closer, the last move before she reached to bite. At that final second Bella's eyes, stayed open as she seemed to think something happy. Through the vision I heard all I had ever dreamed of hearing her say again.

"I love you."

With that she broke my heart and stepped off the edge of the cliff, her arms grasping Victoria as if in an embrace, taking her down as well. She screamed as she dropped and hit the water and I felt the pain of it go through me. She flailed as she attempted to swim, and seeing Victoria a mere few feet away, she hummed that familiar beloved tune as Victoria grabbed her, and sunk her below the surface. Neither of them returned.

Alice sunk to the ground under the vision as the others asked her what it was. I was already running for the door, stopping dead at what I saw.

The sun was setting. The vision wasn't of far in the future.

Without thinking, without waiting for my family, I ran for the cliffs of La Push. The treaty was out of my mind. The only I saw through the blur of trees was the setting sun, and the only thing I heard was her voice.

I love you, I thought back. Keep fighting. I'll make it.

I had to.

Bella POV

After the run with the boys I ended up crashing at Kim's which of course meant I woke up to fighting.

I had been sleeping on the couch since we had been watching a movie the night before. In retrospect, that was a poor decision. Not only did light come in right to my face, stirring me out the loud shouts did as well.

"You're being an overprotective moron Elan. We're just dating."

"He doesn't look at you like that's all you're doing."

"Oh pipe down deputy fife. Bella's sleeping and you're wrong." Lulu added.

"Thanks pudding." I called and pushed up to view the scene. Elan and Kim were staring at each other with fierce glares, and Lu was at the kitchen stool, causally between their stances. "What's the problem?"

Elan turned his look to me. "Your cult."

"I was unaware I was in ownership of one."

"Don't get smart."

"Back of Bella, this has nothing to do with her it's Jared you have a problem with." Kim looked apologetically at me.

"Just because they keep to themselves doesn't mean they're a cult." Lu said, though anyone could hear her skepticism leaking through her defense.

"It's all wrong. It's weird the way he looks at you. And it's out of the blue, why didn't he earlier? Why can't Lu or I ever go to your little meet up's? Hell, you didn't even go for a while. Not til Thail decided to notice you. Bella snuck off with them back then."

"Elan, it's complicated." Kim sounded close to tears. Biting her lip was her tell.

"We aren't a cult. You're welcome to hang out with us any time you want." I dared Elan. "You've already made your assumptions."

"Well how can I not, look at you guys. What's next? The Ateara kid gonna sweep Lu away?"

As Lulu looked outraged, I saw Elan's concern, and I understood. He wasn't just worried about his sister, he was worried Lu would follow, and he wouldn't be able to.

"Because I can be spoken for just like that right?" You have to be kidding me. I'm out of here screw you Elan." Lu grabbed her bag and shoes and stormed off, Kim following. I heard them both throw themselves into my truck. I sighed.

"Well. That's that." I was grateful that I'd slept in my clothes, so I didn't need to rush out in my pajamas like the girls. I threw my hair into a bun and got my shoes. Elan still stood staring where the girls had been as I went to him.

"I understand. I really do. And you don't have anything to worry about. Kim's safe and happy. You know I wouldn't bullshit."

"I know." He nodded. And reached to squeeze my elbow. "Do I have to apologize or have you lived here long enough to know all that?"

I grinned. "I got you. She's not going anywhere by the way. It's clear where her gaze has been lying." I rubbed his arm before leaving and I knew he realized I wasn't talking about Kim.

The girls were still in a huff on the drive from La Push to my house. I played peace maker and devil's advocate, which usually annoyed Lu, but didn't this time. I think she ultimately didn't want to be angry with Elan.

When we got to the house Charlie was gone and I remembered he was out fishing. Lu got dibs on the shower as Kim and I looked for food.

"I hate keeping things from them." Kim said in a hushed tone, even though Lulu couldn't hear. "I don't know how you've done it."

"It hasn't been easy. I'm selfish enough to be happy I'm not the only one having to be a sneak."

"I don't have a problem with lying to strangers or people on the rez, but it's my family. I don't know how much longer I can keep this up."

"Lying to Charlie has always been hard. Renee never asked much, and before you all and the others, I didn't have friends. So I didn't have to lie to many people. I think the hardest part overall is not being able to fully share the best part of me."

Kim studied me. "Is that what you though he was? I always feel antifeminist when I think that of Jared."

"Love fulfills you, it brings out the best part of yourself so it's not as much that he is the best part, it's that you're finally complete and you're who lose self. And that's the best part. And I never got the chance to tell people of it all and I still can't. And I can't talk of you all which is another great part of me.

We sat there a time feeling the weight of it all as we heard Lu clunkering around. Kim patted my hand as she went to the hall mirror. She started fluffing her hair and sighing.

"I slept good last night but look at my face. I look like I've been through war."

"You haven't. Yaya wasn't there so it wasn't a full on Graystone war." Lu said as she walked back in. "I think I'm mostly over it now. Food will help."

"We should go out since there's nothing here." Kim added.

"I haven't gone grocery shopping. I've been out of the house too much and it's not like Charlie cooks."

"To the store or the diner?" Lu asked as she tugged down the tshirt I recognized as mine.

"As much as I don't want to go to my place of business, I really don't want to cook either. So diner it is. I could use pancakes."

"We're too late for pancakes by the time you two are ready. It's nearly twelve."

"No shit!" I looked down at my watch, and sure enough, Ly was right. That meant I must have slept until eleven. I couldn't believe it. I never slept that late. "Did you two drug me last night?"

"Not that I recall, but welcome to being a teenager Ma." Kim smacked my ass playfully as she went to the stairs. "I'm stealing clothes too. We rushed out too quickly."

"Of course you are. The boys are going to be confused." I said with a half laugh and froze as I realized what I said. Luckily I hadn't said enough. Kim had caught it, but Lu didn't. They'd be confused by the mixture of scents…which of course wasn't human of them. Kim shot me a glare as I held back the face palm and went to change my shirt at least.

We left a little while later and ended up settling for the diner. I was due to work the next day, so Morgan was on duty. Our boss had finally put up a help wanted sign. Even with Angela now working the night shifts, we could use another waiter or waitress.

Even though I spent enough time there we still ended up spending a few hours at the diner. We ate, and then spent the time just talking. It was nice. It felt so comfortable even though it wasn't normal for me to have girlfriends. I couldn't help it, and a few times I had myself wishing Alice and Rosalie were here.

I was still content though the girls were my world as much as the boys were. I felt very happy in that moment. Especially when Morgan got off shift and joined us. I would have normally been happy to see Jake Paul and Sam walk in, but there was a dark look on Jake's face that I'd never seen before.

"What's wrong?" I asked as they walked over.

"The four of you need to get back to La Push." Sam answered for Jake, keeping a hand on his shoulder. I realized he was trying to keep him in control.

"Ha, ok." Lulu laughed and then when no one joined in she looked confused. "You know if you guys don't want to sound like a cult, I'd stop saying shit like that."

"What's the problem?" Morgan said and stood so I could get out of the booth.

I tried to pull Jacob aside, but Paul accompanied. "One of you, talk."

"Just get back on the rez." Jake said.

"Try again."

"Bella would you just listen. It's for your own good and theirs too." Paul said.

"Victoria?" I'd agree then.

"No." Jake said a bit unwillingly. "She seems like she gave up."

"So how are we not safe?"

"Just do it." Jake said with a far too harsh voice.

"Excuse me, but since when do we order each other around? Not happening sir." I turned back but Paul grabbed my arm a little too roughly. I raised a brow at him. "Look me in the eye and tell me I'm not safe or the others aren't." When he just clenched his teeth. "So this is just some pack bullshit you guys don't want to share. Fuck this." Now my voice was harsh. I went back ot the table. "Come on. I said to the girls."

"We aren't listening are we?" Kim glared at Sam.

I said nothing until Jake tried to block my way. "Move."

"Bella."

"Don't even. You want to be an asshole, I'll play it too. And you know what's worse? Besides the fact that we're supposed to be your friends, you might have remembered we keep your secrets. Bend over backwards in order to. You have no idea. The least you could do is let us in on everything."

With that, the four of us piled into my truck, and I gunned it as much as the tank would allow.

"What was that?" Lu asked.

"We aren't seriously going to La Push are we? Just cuz they said jump?" Morgan asked and Kim practically growled.

"I don't know what that was. And no we're not going back because they said to. We're going back to do something those little overprotective…dogs…think us fragile little girls shouldn't do."

"I'm at a loss here." Lu said and I smirked.

"We're going cliff fiving ladies." And the girls smirked as we drove towards the border.

Edward POV

I wouldn't let myself think I wouldn't let myself even see the sun set as I ran. I pushed the dark thoughts away as I refused to see the darkening sky.

I reached the beach, ready to throw myself in the water, until the site stopped me cold.

Two wolves, only in their human form, stood at the shores edge. They wouldn't have stopped me. What did was the imprint in the sand that I recognized as the size of a seventeen year old girl.

My throat shut but I faced the two men, still the age of boys. I raised my hands.

"I'm not here to break the treaty or hurt anyone. My sister had a vision. Bella went in the water with Victoria. Where is she?"

The younger of the two looked like he could kill me with his hate alone. I realized he knew exactly who I had been to Bella. I couldn't read either ones thoughts completely though. I knew the younger was Jacob Black and the other was Paul Jaci. I could see flashes of what happened but nothing clear. They were too guarded and on edge. I didn't get curious as to how that was, instead I just repeated.

"Please, where is she?"

"We chased the red head but she left out land. I'm not sure why, maybe she smelled you." Paul answered I could sense his anger but he controlled it.

"Bella." I said it like a prayer. I'd deal with Victoria later. For now there was only…. "Bella, where is she?"

"If you had never come here she'd be fine. She would have been happy. Not broken by you." Jacob snarled. "When Sam said you and your…family...was coming back I knew you'd bring more trouble." Jacobs expression changed as he let himself see it all again. Paul, unaware, looked confusedly between the two of us.

I saw only what Jacob had. Him pulling Bella out of the water as others swam after Victoria. Him dragging her onto the beach. Her so still as he laid her in the spot in the sane. Him checking her pulse, pumping the water out of her lungs, only for her to remain….still.

I suddenly found myself remembering what Jorge said about Marisol. That the worst part was seeing her so…still.

I left his thoughts and looked from Jacob to the sand where her body had been. I felt a rage build up and he stayed glaring at me. The rage burned out when he said…..

"She's dead. As far as I'm concerned it should have been you, not her."

Paul muttered something to Jacob, but I didn't catch it. I didn't hear anything after 'She's dead." I didn't see anything but the mark her body left in the sand.

That was it. I didn't get to hold her again, and tell her how much she meant to me. I didn't get to see her smile. The mark in the sane was all that was left. We were gone.

I started running again. I knew Alice would see my decision, but I didn't feel…anything. As I ran further the only thing I felt was grief. I no longer wanted to be alive. So I let myself see her face and hear her voice. I could somewhat hear the buzzing voices of my family but I blocked it out. The only thing I didn't block was my destination.

I was on my way to Volterra to die for the second and last time.

Jacob POV

I watched the leech run away as Paul reached up to tug at his hair as he rounded on me.

"Are you out of your mind? You made him see your thoughts didn't you."

"Yes."

"And you made him see her….."

"After what he did to her he thinks he can just come back here? He thinks if she's in trouble he can ask what happened? Let him think she's dead. He didn't give a damn about her when he left.

"Looks like he does. Jake I can stand behind us telling the girls to get back on our side of border because of the Cullen's showing up, but this….." Paul shook his head. "He matters to her whether we like it or not. She's our friend. She's your best friend. I'm all for protecting her but…"

"But nothing. It's done." I looked down at the crevice in the sand. When the Cullen's were involved it seemed there was only one future Bella was capable of achieving.

Dying.

Bella POV

I had never felt more alive.

Even though I had tripped over tree roots, rocks, and my own feet at least eight times.

Make that nine.

Morgan, Lu, Kim, and I made our way through the woods to one of the jumping ledges for cliff diving. Morgan was the only one who was slightly scared, but had enough curiosity to keep going. As we did we didn't talk about the boys, but they were on my mind. I couldn't think of why they'd act that way. Here they had put in all the effort into making us feel equal and a part of them, but right now I couldn't feel more of a different outsider.

I pushed my anger aside and instead enjoyed the time with the girls.

"I haven't cliff dived from the higher jump, only the lower one." Kim said as Morgan giggled at Lu and I tripping at the same time and yelling jinx. We all laughed as we spazzed out, nearly at the clearing of the cliffs. As we walked on, it was a sudden breeze that had me stopping. It was too familiar and too fastly there and gone.

"Stop." I said as I scanned the trees.

The girls were still laughing but listened. Morgan and Kim saw my face and sobered. Kim reached at her pocket and froze, and I knew she left her phone. I looked at Morgan and knew she did the same, just as I had. "Ok." I said. "Just hold on."

"What's with you three?" Lulu said and Kim reached for her arm. "Guys?"

As she asked, another breeze blurred by but this time the others noticed.

"What the…" Lu looked confused as Morgan started shivering. Kim and I were calm and I saw Kim clutch Lu more firmly and I did the same to Morgan.

"Keep a hold on me." Kim said.

"When I say….we're going to run." I finished.

"This isn't funny." Lu said and after a shorter breeze she stooped to look at a blur of color at her far right. "Who is..."

"Now!" I yelled and we took off for the clearing. I could hear her cackle but I ignored it and pushed Morgan forward. I knew it was useless but we had to try.

When we reached the small clearing before the drop off, I normally would have found it a pretty site. For once the sky was clear and gold from the setting sun. Its beauty was clouded as Victoria stood in front of us, her sneer making me angrier. I held the girls back so they didn't run further, playing into her hand. She laughed in seeing me push the other three behind me as I acted as a shield.

"Very interesting human you are." She said to me and took a step closer. "You think you can play with your kind, mine, and others?"

"I don't discriminate."

Victoria laughed. "No more of this cat and mouse with you and I. Choose. All…or just you."

I didn't have to ask what she meant, I knew. It was also no choice, it was a given to me. I felt Kim and Morgan trying to clutch at me but I pushed away. I blocked out their hushed whimpers. I only heard the calming melody I played in my head. I kept my cool. I wouldn't give her fear. I took a few more steps forward, until I was at the edge of the cliff as Victoria glided towards me. I knew what I'd do. I looked down once and when I looked up I didn't see Victoria as she leaned to sniff my neck. I saw the girls searching for a way to stop her and I knew what I had to do. With a final look to them, I let myself see him in my mind and smiled as I said, "I love you."

As Victoria moved to bite, I grabbed at her shirt, and jumped off the cliff.

I knew the fall wouldn't kill me, she would. This way she was far enough away from the girls that they could run now and not see what happens.

The fall seemed quick and hitting the water was painful, as I fell oddly. I realized Victoria had leapt away, rather than fall with me. I wasn't sure why, but I was preoccupied with swimming. As I broke above the waves, I saw her. She dunked under the water and I knew she was coming. I hummed the lullaby as I tried to swim away, but that wasn't what calmed me this time. It was Edward. Even as I struggled against Victoria's hissing form pulling me under the water; I let my block go and saw only Edward. I only allowed myself to see the good and I saw every moment of our time together. Every crooked smile he had aimed my way, down to the look on his face when I told him I loved him.

Maybe this was it. I was meant to love him. I was meant to have my time with the pack and girls. I was meant to keep them away from Victoria. I was never meant to be here long.

I waited for the bite as my air gave out. As we sank, I saw Edward at his piano, and me wrapping my arms around him.

It was then that I felt warm arms on me rather than cold. I felt as though I was being choked as well as beaten. Was this what it felt like to drown, or did she get her taste of me?

I realized there was too much awareness and pain, and I instinctively fought to try and draw in air. Maybe I wasn't dead yet, I could still fight.

The pain continued and suddenly I felt a last thrush of water break through and finally there was air. I felt myself being turned over before I was laid back down.

"Open your eyes. Bella just breathe, look at me."

I heard Jacob's frantic voice and the mumbling of someone else. I pried my eyes open, still focusing on breathing. I saw Jacob leaning over me, looking both scared and relieved. Paul let out a shaky sigh and squeezed my knees.

"You're ok." Jacob said, both to me and himself.

"That's….awesome." I croaked and coughed again.

"Thought you'd check out on us there Knievel?" Paul smiled grimly.

"Us humans can take a stand with vamps too."

"Ok Buffy. Well she swam off, so we didn't get her, but we got you."

I smiled at Paul and looked back at Jake. I both saw and felt him shaking. He was half holding me in his arms, looking like he was holding back a lot of emotion. I realized then that he was the one who pulled me out. When his shaking didn't calm with my breathing I touched his hand, which was at my hair.

"What, you going to turn into a werewolf or something?"

"I saw you jump with her. We'd caught her scent. We were so close but….you jumped."

"I didn't exactly want to. I didn't want them to see or her to be near them. You know if I waited and she saw you she would have just bitten me then. The jump and you guys saved me though. Many thanks. I reached for Paul's hand too. "I'm not thrilled with you two though."

"We can explain that…" Paul began and Jake gave him a look.

"Let's get you dry first." He started to lift me and I saw Sam rushing over.

"I'll take her back to my place. The girls and others are anxious to see the daredevil here." While Sam smiled at me I thought I saw him shoot a look at the other two. I was too tired to analyze their oddities though. I let Sam pick me up. Even though I would have preferred to walk on my own, I had to admit I wasn't sure I could manage it without falling on my face.

As the sun fully set, he took me to where my truck had been parked, and helped me to the passenger seat. I thought I smelled something familiar in the breeze and felt a spidey like sense tingle. I told myself it was just after shocks. I let myself lie back. This was my second near death experience and I was now convinced that I hated them, as I probably should.

When we got to Sam's the whole brigade came flooding out. Quil and Embry reached me first, Embry being the one to surprise me by hugging me tightly and saying low into my ear, "Never again."

"Never." I responded and ruffled his hair. "Don't you fret." I smiled at Quil as he squeezed my shoulder. Then suddenly I was surrounded by girls. Emily, Kim, and Morgan were fluttering around me until I had them all assured I was ok. I noticed Lu, standing next to Jared, looking lost. I realized she now knew everything. I stepped away from the others and walked to her. I was relieved to see she wasn't looking afraid.

"You ok?"

She let out a laugh. "I believe I should be the one asking you that." Tears filled her eyes. "I'm sorry I gave you shit for this."

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you about this." I nodded to Kim and Morgan. "I know we all are."

"You're not a cult."

"We're more of a dysfunctional family." Jared grinned.

"The protectors so says the tribe." Lu looked at me. "I think that was you today."

Jared walked over and touched my face. "Embry and I own you more than we can ever say."

"Oh, enough. We're all in this. Maybe now you boys will remember that easier. Speaking of the grumps, where are Paul and Jake?"

The boys suddenly looked like a line-up of poker faces. But I Saw right through them. "What? If you tell me they're out hunting ginger bitch, I will lose it."

"No." Sam answered. "We were going to tell you we just thought you should rest first. Don't suppose you will?"

I showed my own stone cold face and Quil sighed.

"Course not." He said and Embry walked over, placing his hands on my shoulders, moving one to my face.

"Calm and trust us, ok?"

"Say it." Although some part of me already knew. Why I'd been rushed off the beach. Why Jacob was so angry. Why they'd wanted me back in La Push.

"The Cullen's have come back. They're in Forks." Embry said.

I couldn't feel the anger I knew would be there for the boys who were supposed to be my friends. I couldn't feel it for the family who had cut me out. I couldn't feel it for him, who had left so easily. I felt cold.

For someone who had just cheated death, I didn't feel alive.


	15. The Dog Days Are Over Cuz Here They Come

Bella POV

I couldn't quite bring myself to look at Embry, or any of the boys. I couldn't even look at the girls as they kicked up a fuss. I just let myself lean into Lulu as she came up to me. I knew I wouldn't fall apart, but I couldn't count on myself to stay standing after all of this. So I let myself lean as the usually calm one…exploded.

"You idiots knew this and you didn't tell her?" Kim yelled.

"It doesn't matter." I piped up. "What does it matter if they're here? I'm not a part of them anymore."

Everyone got quiet then. It wasn't something I wanted to admit, but it was true. Opening up those pockets of myself didn't make a difference. I had opened them today because I thought it was the end. It wasn't, and I'd keep going like I always did.

I moved towards the house which seemed to clue everyone else into the fact that I didn't want to discuss it and I just wanted to relax. I needed to pull myself together by the time I saw Charlie. So we all sat around in the living room, going over what we were going to do next. Lu got a crash course on how we worked and everything that had happened over the past year. She was fastly learning everything she needed to know.

Emily cooked up some soup for me, and despite the hot weather, I knew it was all I could choke down.

As I ate and watched the others, I couldn't help but let my mind wander to the Cullen's.

Hadn't we sat like this too? Hadn't we been open like this? HAdn't we been a family like this?

Edward hadn't loved me, which was his explanation. He wanted more what was there's? They accept me one minute and run the next? They didn't offer a single reason why. What kind of family was that? I had accepted and loved them for what they were. I had kept their secret. What did I get in return? Sure they kept me safe while here, but then they ran off with no warning or goodbye, or valid reason for me.

"Fuck that." I said and when I saw eight heads turn to look at me, shocked, I realized I had said it out loud, and they thought it was a response to what they had been discussing.

"Bella?" Quil asked.

"You don't think we should reach out to Leah and Seth?" Embry added.

"We absolutely should." I nodded. "I was just thinking something else." And as I finished the thought I nodded again and stood. "Yep, you guys should go do that. I have something I needed to do myself." I started maneuvering over people as I walked to the door.

"Bella, you really should be resting." Emily started.

"Where are you going?" Jared added.

"I'll go with you." Morgan finished.

"I'm going to the Cullen's." I said as I pushed on my still soggy shoes. My clothes were now only damp, as we hadn't yet got to changing them.

"The hell you will." Embry said and held Morgan back.

"I agree, Morgan shouldn't go. New scents will throw them off. This is mine to finish."

"Bella if things go wrong…" Sam shook his head, and I knew what he meant.

"It won't. If they wanted to drain me they would have already. I know them enough to know I'm not on the meal."

They all looked at me and seemed to understand. I turned towards the door again, and it meant more than I could say to see Embry and Quil nod and step aside.

I ran to the truck and whipped my hair up and away from my face. I readjusted everything Sam had changed to drive. As I fixed the rearview mirror I froze in seeing Jake and Paul coming towards the house.

I started the truck regardless and steered out of the driveway, towards the dirt road. I saw Jacobs confusion and pressed on the gas as I saw him book it for the trees.

He was going to phase and follow, I knew it. I couldn't expect them all to understand. There was nothing that would stop me though. These were answers I needed and deserved.

I drove the familiar road I'd long since been avoiding. I couldn't even remember the last time I'd been here. I could only remember the calm feeling I got. The recognition. What felt like home.

As I weaved up the hill and to the house, my chest tightened. There was the Volvo. There was Emmett's jeep. For a quick moment it felt like they hadn't left, and I was just returning. But that wasn't so. They were returning, they were really here.

As was my anger.

I shoved the gear into park and kept my keys in the truck. Easy exit. As I slammed out of the truck I knew they'd hear me. They heard me long before the slam probably.

All politeness aside, I pushed up the few stairs and threw the door open. I didn't even flinch as figures were in front of me before I could even call out a greeting.

Emmett and Jasper immediately gaped and took a step back.

"Bella." Emmett reached forward and I tossed my hands up. "You're…."

"Don't. Don't even give me the faces, or the eyes, nothing. I have some shit to say. I want to say it to everyone, if he's here don't let him near me if you want him intact."

I expected a few things. Them to laugh in my face or give me looks of pity. I expected emotionless cold looks especially. What I didn't expect was this. Two people I considered brothers only to have them run, were looking at me like I was still their sister. It made my rage shifts slightly to confusion.

"Don't look at me like that."

"We thought you were dead." Jasper said as Rosalie and Esme ran through the back of the house.

"She's…." Rosalie trailed off and Esme rushed towards me, before I could move she had her hands on my face. I knew if she could cry, she would be I just didn't understand why. I backed away, trying to grasp on to my strength. Why were they like this?

"You thought I was dead for six months? That's bullshit. I wasn't hurt that bad, he saw me before he ran for it."

"Now we knew you would be ok when we left." Esme said.

"Oh and you think that makes it ok? You guys had every right to leave but no goodbye? No explanation for why you all lied to me?"

"I told you this how it would look." Rosalie said. "We never should have listened to Edward."

I flinched hearing one of them saying his name. It was too real.

"You have a lot to say to us, and I swear, you'll get to. You can yell and scream and walk away from us. We'll all listen and explain the best we can. But for right now, we need to ask what happened today."

"It has nothing to do with you." I shrugged.

"Alice had a vision. We ran to the house because we thought he'd come back here." Jasper explained. "Alice saw you jump." Jaspers eyes pinned mine and I suddenly had a hard time believing this was someone who didn't care about me. "You never came back up."

"Yea, well I did. Victoria has held a grudge and I'm handling it. My friends help."

"The mutts." Rosalie rolled her eyes.

"You might not want to insult them in front of me, they're my family."

"We're…" Emmett started and I advanced on him. I knew he backed up from surprise, not fear. Sadly, I could do nothing to them.

"You're what? You're my family? Family doesn't do what you all did to me."

"Bella!"

I looked over to see Alice, with Carlisle behind her. They looked like they had run through half the trees of the forest, just to see a ghost. I wasn't ready I realized. Seeing Alice broke a part of me. This was worse than what it had been. Seeing them, but feeling this way worse.

"No I'm not dead, your vision was flawed, so you can wipe that look off your face."

"You're angry." Her expression changed.

"No shit Alice!" I hated that my voice broke. "What did you expect?"

"This. I'm just thrown off by everything, I'm sorry." She looked at the others. "He's going to Italy."

As they looked worse than ever and began blurring into action. I was about to throw down a sarcastic comment until I saw Carlisle's face. I had never seen him like that. He looked like a parent who'd just been told his child was seriously hurt. He looked broken and somehow….old. And that's when I realized. Edward was his son. Something was wrong with Edward.

I didn't want to feel a thing towards him, but I couldn't turn off my love as Edward could. I felt a panic build, and an unsteady anxiousness.

"I'm going to guess that doesn't mean he's taking a vacation in Tuscany?" I asked shakily.

"He thinks you're dead." Carlisle said, as if that was an explanation. He had remained in the same spot, as had Alice who looked like she was trying to have a vision.

"I can't see why that would matter to him."

"Why can't I see?" Alice scoffed and as if in an answer a wolf howled.

Emmett growled and Alice turned to me. "You brought them here?" She looked hurt. "Did you think you'd need protection?"

"No. But they did it seems." I went over to the side door through the kitchen and headed for the back field where it came from. I didn't see him and then realized he was phasing back. There must have been something in the treaty saying he couldn't come to Forks in wolf form.

As he walked cautiously towards me I shook my head.

"I'm fine, go home. I'll be there a bit."

"Why are you here?"

"I wanted to know why."

"You!" Alice shrieked.

I turned to see her looking like she could rip something to shreds I'd never seen her look like that before. Without thinking, I placed myself in between her and Jake.

"If he dies because of you, treaty or not, I'll kill you myself. He did nothing to you!" She yelled over me.

"Alice? What?"

"How about what he did to her?" Jake snarled back.

"You had no right. She does, not you."

"Right to what? Someone explain." I asked as I leaned into Jake so he'd get his shaking in control.

"Edward ran to get to you when I had the vision. He found your friends and this one told him you were dead. He manipulated his thoughts so Edward would see it." Alice glared at Jake.

I stood there frozen until I turned to face Jacob. He lost a little of his fierceness when he saw my face.

"Why would you do that? Why would you lie about something like that?"

"I wanted him to feel what you did. I thought it would make him stay away."

"When will you all get it through your head? I will handle it. It is my life, you have no right to do things like that. Not to mention it's immature and cruel. You're above that.

I turned away from him, too angry to look at him. "Alice just tell him I'm not dead. The end."

Alice's expression dropped. "He won't listen, he's blocked out our thoughts. He doesn't want to listen, he believed. He thinks you're dead, and despite what he stupidly made you think, he doesn't want to live without you." She got the same look Carlisle had. "He's going to Italy because that's where the sort of leaders, I guess you could say, of vampires are there. If he angers them enough they'll kill him. That's what he's hoping for. What he's trying for."

I wasn't sure what I was feeling. It felt like I was still falling off the cliff. The thought of him dead…no matter what had happened in the past, I didn't want that. I couldn't have that.

"What do we do?" I asked. "We go to Italy then?"

"It's only way I think."

"We?" Jacob hissed.

"Yes Jacob. We. I need to fix what you did."

"Oh so you'll just go to Italy just like that? You have a life here. You have a job and a family. You can't drop everything for…them."

"I'm not going to explain myself to you when you obviously don't know anything about me. You think I need you to protect me from something I've already been handling? I don't need you to step in and speak for me. It's my life it's my job to do that." As I realized my voice had raised I searched for calm as I saw Jacob shake. "No, don't phase." I put my hands on his arms. "Listen, you're my friend, my person. You're supposed to listen when I rant and be there for me. Just like I have to be there for you. That's our jobs. This wasn't your job or right. I know you well enough to know you thought you were doing right by me but this was wrong. You're better than this."

"And you're better than them. If he decided to go off himself because he thinks you're dead, that's not yours to fix. They left you."

"Me going is the only way he'll listen. I know how he is, he'll need to see me to believe it. And it doesn't matter what they did or what I am to them. What they were to me matters, and I don't want him dead."

Jake looked at me like he wanted to take me and run. I could practically see him trying to calculate if he could manage it without the Cullen's catching up. Then he seemed to soften, but only slightly.

"We'll come up with something to tell Charlie. I'll see if I can get Billy in on it. I'll give you three days. Then I don't care what you think you can handle on your own, we'll step in and help."

"You keep telling yourself that."

"You'll be careful."

"I will. Don't worry. Worry about when I get back and have you explain just what you were thinking."

"Alright." He agreed, and I saw a little of the shame he felt. He glared once behind me, and still nodding, turned to leave.

"He hates us more than you do; I don't know how that could be." Alice said at my back.

"You hurt his best friend, that's how." When I couldn't see him anymore I turned to Alice. "It's not going to be as easy as just going to Italy is it?"

Alice grimed. "No. It's going to be really dangerous Bella, not one of us would blame you if you weren't willing to go. I don't want you to go myself, but I need to do something."

"I'm going." I said, not needing much thought. As I told Jacob, I didn't want Edward to die. I didn't understand why Edward himself wanted to, but I knew enough of him to know he wouldn't stop once he put his mind to it, unless he saw it was lie.

We rejoined the others and I kept to the side as they spoke so fast I couldn't understand them. Ultimately, and after much argument they didn't seem to be getting anywhere, so I stepped in.

"We're running out of time here. Alice and I should just go alone. These vamp leaders of yours are already going to be pissed enough. Why intimidate them with numbers? If they want a fight it won't matter. If they only see one of you and a human, they won't have a fight on their minds. Alice's visions will keep us from being in the dark, and I'm…" I shrugged. "Whatever I am."

"She has a point." Rosalie admitted as Jasper growled.

"Jaz." Alice stepped over to him, laying her hands on his face. All they did was stare. They weren't mind reading people, but I knew the look was all they needed.

I remembered doing the same thing with Edward. Knowing and understanding the other person so well that all you need is a look to say it all.

Once they were all under the same agreement, Alice gathered all she needed.

"Do we need to forge you a passport?" Esme asked, and I could have laughed at the image of her breaking the law, though I knew she had before.

"Luckily no, I have my own. No need for forgery." I broke off as Carlisle walked over to me, with that scared look still haunting his face. "I'll do my best." I told him.

"The fact that you're trying at all…it's remarkable. You're remarkable. I always knew that but this…I'm in admiration of your character Bella. We're all grateful to you."

I couldn't say much after that. It was all so confusing. Could vampires be bipolar? I waved slightly as Alice flew towards the Volvo.

"We'll leave your truck here. How long do you need at your house?"

"Twenty minutes I'd say." At Alice's sigh I glared in the passenger seat. "I need a few minute shower, and to grab a quick bag of things. I almost died today; I'm washing the grit of it off."

"Of course, I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking. Are you feeling ok? God, I should have had Carlisle check you out."

"I'm fine. I just need to wash her off."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"About what?"

"Someone tried to kill you today Bella."

"No, a vampire did. It's nothing new to me."

Alice spared me a glance as she turned onto my road. "You're different. More cynical."

"How did you expect me to be Alice? Waiting? Thankful?"

"No. I guess I didn't expect to affect you as much as you've affected us. Shows my understanding of humans."

"You guys mattered to me more than you realized then. Just as I mattered a lot less than I realized."

"That isn't how we feel."

"We can talk about that later. I'm going to get everything together. Do you still have calls to make?"

Alice paused, looking at me with my hand vised on the door. I knew she could see I wanted to go in alone. "Yes. Do what you need to."

"I'll be quick." I said and left to go in the house.

"I moved quickly, barely stopping as I got a text message from Jake explaining he'd have Billy tell Charlie we all went on a camping trip before school started next week, and Morgan agreed to cover me at work.

While I was still upset, I was happy he could at least be counted on to support and back me up.

First I got my bag packed. I threw in my passport, wallet, and keys Then I grabbed my charger and put it in with my phone. My thoughts hazed a bit as I grabbed a change of shirt and underwear for my bag and then dug out a complete change of clothes, heading for the shower.

I was starting to unhinge, I could feel it. The entire day from morning to night had been long, trying, and tiring. I had felt every emotion it seemed.

I shakily took off my clothes, and as I stood in front of the mirror, I saw the wear. I had marks on my arms from where Victoria had gripped. My hair, still damp, felt heavy and my scalp tingled as I undid the bun.

I stepped into the shower, and quickly worked the shampoo through my hair. The soapy smell calmed me, even though my brain felt fried and my breath hitched.

They were back. Victoria was still around. It was too much. And then there was him.

Just what the hell was he thinking? Was it really all guilt? Did vampires take an eye for an eye seriously? How could he have said the things he did and left, only to do this?

Unless he lied.

The thought never once crossed my mind until I saw the Cullens. Their expressions and the way they treated me didn't add up. Neither did him having such a reaction to me dying.

Unless….

I shut off the water, refusing to go there. I had never allowed myself to wonder or doubt. It kept an attachment and hope that I didn't want. I couldn't want.

I towel dried my hair and twisted it into two quick braids. It stopped my hands from shaking and would at least keep the damp hair out of my face. I dressed in simple jean shorts and a tshirt, throwing a jacket into my bag just in case. Sneakers sounded more practical than flip flops. I needed at least a chance at being able to run.

With a final check I was sure I had all I needed and went back to the car. I didn't spare the house much of a glance, and I tried not to think that I wouldn't be coming back.

Alice looked surprised as I slide on my seatbelt.

"Fifteen minutes, wow."

I said I'd be quick. Are the tickets set?"

"Yes. It's going to be cutting it close to when I've seen him, but the visions changed so we have a decent shot."

"What changed?" I didn't bother looking at the road; I knew she'd be driving like we were nascar participants.

"He's decided to ask them to do it rather than cause a scene and force their hand."

"And they'll do that? Just because he asked?"

"It's unlikely. He's not thinking clearly. He obviously doesn't want to stray from who he is and terrify humans to get the Volturi to stop him. He must think they'll listen to his reasoning, and I don't think they will. To them he'll be valuable."

"Because of his gift."

"And his control. Once they see the restraint he's had with you, they'll want that."

"Why would he tell them that?"

"He wouldn't. Aro, the defacto leader of the three brothers, can read minds. He has to touch the person, but can read everything. Every thought with great detail in a short amount of time."

"That's just splendid. So he'll know you all broke the rules."

"We're hoping they won't see it that way since technically we didn't tell you, you guessed. We should have killed you then though in their minds."

"So that's the danger for me then? They'll want to fix your mistake?"

"Possibly. The danger for you is you're essentially a lamb walking into a lions den."

"That too." I nodded and saw Alice look over at me.

"I'm not walking out of there without you."

For a moment, I let the gap fill. "Ditto."

When I laughed she looked over again. "What?"

"Just do me a solid. If they decided to make me their lunch, and you see that and no other way out, just snap my neck first."

"Agreed." She nodded and winked as she sped through the gates of the airport.

The déjà vu of the scene would have made me laugh, but I found myself rolling my eyes as we got out of the car. I looked up ath the moon and the red mist that surrounded it.

It seemed blood was meant to follow me everywhere, and I could practically hear the sounds of the two parts of my life merging. The vampire growls and the wolf howls.


	16. I Find Everything I Thought I Lost

**Bella POV**

The plane ride would be the longest part. While the cabin was mostly empty, I could hear the excited chatter from coach. Perhaps people taking a last minute trip before the starting school year. I imagined business was full but quiet. The grayish silver walls with their red trim bothered me. The soft seats were too appealing. I didn't bother looking out the window into the dark as I would have ordinarily.

"Never been in first class."

"Coach was full and business would have been too quiet. They'll make themselves more scarce here so we'll have privacy."

"If that's your way of making a move on me, I'm not dating vampires at the moment."

Alice turned to glare at me. The seatbelt warning turned off, though we had ignored it in the first place. She swiveled in her seat so she could face me fully.

"Is that supposed to mean you're on to wolves?"

"It's not your business."

"If you're going to be sarcastic rather than tell me about you and how you're doing, then I'll just start asking questions."

"Why didn't you call in March? Send an email in April to see how I was doing? What about in June when all my friends were changing into something no one told me about? Or when Victoria came back? You've had six months to ask how I was doing. That first month I emailed you every day. You can't come back now and pretend you have an interest, you're too late for that."

"I didn't want to get into this without the others, and this is certainly the worst time, but maybe we need to talk about this."

"We do, but this isn't the time no."

"Well fuck it."

I couldn't stop my lips from twitching into a near smile. "You never say fuck."

"I never do a lot of things." She looked at me sadly. "I didn't see it coming."

"What he was going to do or that you'd follow?"

"Neither. I was concentrating on how you'd recover and that everyone would buy our story. It didn't hit me that I was suddenly having more visions of you by yourself. I didn't see us with you. I didn't think anything of it then. I didn't see it fully until he left your hospital room. I went after him and found him in the stairwell. He'd broken down. I don't think I'd ever seen him like that at that point. I knew even without a vision what he'd done."

It was strange to hear this. To picture him after he left. It was painful. I felt those thoughts of questioning why he'd be upset and kept them buried. "What he did was one thing. What you all did was worse."

"It was." She agreed. "There's no defense. I think I was convinced it was right because I don't remember my human life. I don't know what I've missed out on. I have no emotional connection to it." She shrugged and didn't sound regretful. She was accepting in what was. "I have an emotional connection to you though. I want you to have a full and happy life. At first I thought I had let my affection for you get in the way of seeing what was right for you. That maybe our desire for Edward to find someone to spend his life with got in the way too. Seeing you hurt made us all think."

"And you never thought to change me? You never thought to keep me around that way? Put aside what happened with Edward and I. He wasn't the only one I had loved. I found where I belonged when I met you guys. Esme nagging me to wear my hair differently, arguing with Rose and Emmett, having a talk with Carlisle about medicine. All of you were my family. Not just because I loved Edward. But because I was comfortable. It was easy to be around you guys. It was right and fit. I was home. I know I didn't imagine that."

"You didn't imagine a single thing."

I didn't let myself go there. "How could you have left? Just because he told you to?"

That was the first time Alice looked as though she could be sobbing. "It's the hardest thing we've done. We thought it would be painful for you to see us without him. It would also continue to keep you from normalcy."

"You all didn't realize I'm not normal?"

"I've seen visions of you all your life Bella. I know you. I just thought you could be happier."

"Maybe I can. I've gotten better at trying. I have my friends. I have a life I never expected. I'm stuck though. I can't fully move past the life I first found here. The life I fought for and belonged to. Then there's him." I stopped and shook my head. "Alice have you ever seen me past this age?" I looked her in the eye with the question I had been asking myself since Victoria came back.

Alice looked like she wanted to not answer but she sighed. "Not much. I've had visions of you like us but not since we left. I've never seen you older though."

"I figured as much. It's a feeling I've had a few months now. Since the boys started phasing and Victoria came back."

"You think you're going to die."

"Well one way or another of course I will. But I fell like it'll be sooner rather than later. It's not a particularly pleasant feeling but I accepted it more today on the cliffs."

"Is that why you agreed to help us? You think you're going to die anyway?"

I met her heated eyes. "No. I did it because it's something I don't want to happen. If I can fix it I will."

"Your feelings, my visions, and our past be damned, I'm still not letting anything happen to you. None of us will."

"No offence Al, but a lot has already and I've done just fine. Not to mention earlier today. It's not your job regardless. I take care of me."

"Today was…wrong. I had the vision of you jumping maybe three minutes before it happened. That's never happened with something so big before. He was running before the vision even ended. There was no way he would have gotten there in time."

"He didn't need to. Even if the others hadn't been there, it's not his job to save me. He left, he made his choice."

"Do you really think it's that simple? You're on a plane right now after all."

"That's different."

"I don't see how. He ran to reach you because of what you are to him. You're going to stop him because of what he is to you. There's nothing simple about that. In fact I think it says a lot."

I leaned back in my seat. We were both quiet now. I could see her concentrating on her visions. It didn't matter knowing the reasons of why they left. I thought it would help me move on. It merely frustrated me. The right intentions, that's what they had, but it angered me to no end. It shouldn't have been their call. Not unless they truly didn't want me around, which didn't seem to be the case.

I looked back at Alice, then away again. I still loved her. I loved the family I had. I always would. It wouldn't be enough though. Not when I knew they didn't understand me. If they did they wouldn't have done this. That was as close to acceptance as I could get.

And it didn't make me feel any better.

**Edward POV**

The piazza del Volterra was for celebration, and family .In the handful of times I had been in the area, it was always the same. A pack of people are always there, as if it had a magnetic attraction.

The sun was bright this morning. It made the crisp colors of the crimson flags pop. There were children, there were couples, and there was joy.

I saw it. I felt it flowing off them. It might have made me ache, but I couldn't differentiate the pain. The frustration had been the only highlighted feeling.

I had been to Volterra before, but not the castle. I had not met the Volturi until this day, which had been Carlisle's suggestion long ago. He wanted to distance himself from them. They knew of me though, and now they'd met me. Only to deem me nothing more than valuable. I shouldn't have been surprised but I had to try. I didn't want to cause a scene but I knew it was my only way out now.

Maybe I'd lift one of the statues out of their marble throne in front of the crowd. Smash it to dust. They wouldn't likely let me get that far. I welcomed that.

That could cause trouble for my family though. Aro had seen my thoughts and knew I was here on my own; the family had nothing to do with it. If I did this too publicly though, their anger might become misplaced. I'd have to find another way.

There wasn't hunting allowed in the Volterra square. I could try and find a human who was deserving of death. Hopefully I wouldn't have to kill, even if the person was deserving. I could stalk and hunt, knowing I'm being watched, and they'd intervene before I'd even have to make a single bite.

Not that my morals were an importance anymore. My family was though. I could leave them, but I couldn't put them in harm's way thought my actions. I'd only condemn myself.

If I started hunting by the castle, they wouldn't let me go far. I'd pick a far from innocent victim regardless, just in case the Volturi captured the witness as a precaution. I scanned the thoughts of the passersby and mostly heard excitement. I steered away from couples amorous thoughts, feeling the pain throb, and not ready to let it consume. Blocking the happy thoughts I searched for the sinister.

What I found was Armand Montego. He had killed before, I could practically smell it. I nearly smirked at the thoughts of his mob like upbringing. An Italian gangster. I could rid the world of this cliché.

He was at the festival alone, observing in a similar way that a vampire might. Predatory, as he waited for someone. I had to move quickly, not just before his guest arrived, but because the pain was reaching an unbearable plateau.

Dead. Not her. Why did it have to be her? I still saw the sand sunken from her still body. She was still. She was dead. Like me. Only my death wasn't permanent enough.

Not for long. In a way only one of us could have recognized, I advanced on him. The alleyway would keep other humans from seeing, but the Volturi would know, their minions would alert them. As I moved, a swarm of voices, memories, and images came through my mind. I pushed them away. My family. Carmen. I pushed them all aside, but one got through.

_Edward wait!_

I wondered if I had become a statue I was so frozen. I'd heard the voice in my head before but only in a memory, or through seeing Alice's visions. This was so clear; I knew I was hearing a thought or a call. Was I dead? Did they already do it? Was I truly hearing her in the other life?

Or….

_Edward please! I'm here, don't!_

I wasn't frozen anymore. I turned away from Armand, and scanned the festival, this time knowing what I was looking for.

Her thoughts were screaming, yet calmly determined. I felt almost convinced but I needed to see. Please. Let this be happening. Just give me this chance.

Please.

I ran at a frustratingly human pace, pushing past people through the square, reaching the center, where the ancient fountain stood. Through the flowing water I saw her stumbling run. When her glance caught mine, her mouth was moving, but I didn't hear the words. I only heard the flying beat of her heart.

Alive. I didn't lose my chance. I didn't lose her.

Her eyes softened as her determined expression smoothed, and I found myself swinging my legs over the fountains edge, trudging through the water, until I was in front of her.

One hundred and eighty four days. Two of which I thought I'd lost this. Her life. My life. The rest didn't matter for a moment. We weren't apart. With our only barrier being the stone edge of the fountain, I reached for her, and lifted her to my eye level. And in an old habit I'd been aching to reclaim, I laid my forehead on hers, not losing her eyes for a moment. I swore my heart beat again.

**Bella POV**

"You're wasting time Alice." I hissed. "Volterra is still twenty minutes away."

"It'll be half that if I find the right car."

The parking garage a block away from the airport was poorly secured, making any degree of theft easy. Alice however was pacing the aisles as most girls searched for shoes. I glanced at my watch for the fourteenth time. She had seen a vision of Edward starting to hunt within the next fifteen minutes. I was growing more frantic.

"Alice…"

"Eureka!" She ran her hands over a yellow Porsche as she would a lovers back. "It's perfect!"

"It goes vroom, that's all we need. Get it going."

"I needed speed Bella, you'll see how I can make this move."

As I watched, I realized it was laughably easy to hotwire a car. Or vampires just had that touch. I threw my bag in the back as Alice reached over tighten my seatbelt as she rocketed the car away and turned with no decrease in speed. I couldn't' even take in the scenery, she was going so fast.

"Alright, all hail speed racer."

"Thank you." Alice clipped as she maneuvered up the winding roads. It almost reminded me of home.

We were too tense to speak much more than deciding I should run to find him, so he wouldn't see Alice first and assume a trick was occurring.

I felt some recognition in me. I knew it was him. I was sensing him close. That was irritating, like an imprint, but useful in the present moment.

"A fountain. I'm seeing you at a fountain." Alice said suddenly. "Go find it, he'll be near it, has to be." The car was parked, and I wondered if I had blacked out, or she had been that fast.

"Bella, look at me."

I listened, and she pried the hand I had not known had bared down into the leather. "You can do this. You'll find him. I know it."

I had to find him, I thought as I nodded, pushing myself from the care. I didn't see Italy or the festival going on in the crowded plaza. I just saw barriers to finding him.

My hair whipped around in a breeze, long since freed from the braids. Every block I had built in the last six months dropped. Edward, I thought. There was only him.

I ran and searched for the fountain, not thinking of what could happen, or the past. For this moment there was only me finding him. I wouldn't lose. I stubbornly pushed forward, not letting a panic build. Edward, please no. My thoughts were shouting as I yelled for him out loud.

Please. It can't end like this. Not like this.

I heard the water babbling before I saw it. I thought myself in that direction, refusing to trip as I caught myself on the lip of the fountain. I looked up through my curtain of hair, darting away from my face as my breath panted. And I saw him.

Alive. I found him.

"Edward." I said, about to run again until he surprised me by leaping into the fountain, sloshing the water with quick steps until he was in front of me.

Hadn't I remembered this before? Him looking at me like this again and me feeling this connection? This sense of belonging. Six months and I had so much anger, but the sheer relief of finding him made it diminish. For a moment I let myself have this. And when he lifted me up to breathe me in, holding me close as he became reassured; for a moment I let myself believe. I had found everything.


	17. Awake And Unafraid

Edward POV

As I lifted my forehead from hers I felt her pull away. There was something different in her eyes. It was something I had been ready to face before, but now I was too relieved she was alive. I didn't want there to be anger or fighting. We'd lost too much time.

She stepped back from the fountain so I could get out, but kept those sharp eyes on me.

"What were you thinking?"

"There wasn't much thought involved after hearing that you had died." A part of me would likely always shudder at the memory of that moment. "What happened? How are you here?"

"Well we got on a plane and…"

"No I mean you're alive. How?"

"Long story. I almost died, but I found a way around it. My friend Jacob just got a little overprotective when he knew you were back."

"I was momentarily confused until the light bulb was lit. "He made me see it."

"I'll explain it later. Just like you have some things to explain. For now we need to find Alice and get out of here."

"Alice brought you?" I found myself trying to read her mind, but once again, I couldn't. I wasn't sure how that could be. I was so sure I had heard her before.

"Yes, Alice brought her, you stupid inconsiderate vampire." Alice appeared next to Edward and shoved him. "What were you thinking!"

"That's what I asked." Bella said, and backed up further from me. She didn't seem as open to me, which I knew could happen. She'd need time, I could give her that. I was afraid of losing her, but at least I was awake in knowing what I wanted. "We have to…" Bella trailed off.

I turned to see what she was looking at as she reached for my hand. I saw a figure I recognized at Felix, a clear vampire to those of us in the know, leaving the castle and looking through the crowd. "Alice take Bella and run." I said, quickly, gauging what my best show was.

"I'm not leaving." Bella said and took her hand back. "Not without both of you."

"Bella please. They'll…"

"You don't decide anything for me." She interrupted her eyes blazing to mine.

I was momentarily caught off guard. Was that what she had thought I'd been doing?

There wasn't time to explain or go over our many issues so I put it aside and nodded. "They didn't realize Alice was here, they thought it was just me and Bella."

"They're sending more out here." Alice confirmed. "To take us to Aro."

"I'm guessing vamp speed is out since people are around."

"That'd be right." I said as I looked through the crowd. "We have two options."

"Go in and reason with them." Alice stated.

"Or fight." Bella finished, surprising me yet again.

"Yes."

"Well let's see what's behind door number two." She said and reached down to her shoe, taking out a small swiss army knife.

"You're not going to run them through with that."

"Yes!" Alice exclaimed. "Do it Bella, go!"

"What?" I nearly went after Bella as she melted into the crowd, but I stopped myself. I saw her slice her own finger quickly and push herself into the crowd. She then carefully and purposely began touching her bleeding finger to people she pretended to bump into or trip by. This created a strong aroma for those like us, and numerous false trails. "That's brilliant."

"It'll buy moments. Let's meet her in the opposite direction." Alice and I started pushing through the crowd.

As we moved, I quickly scanned Alice's thoughts to catch myself up. I saw Bella storm into our house, her yelling at the young werewolf, and her talking on the plane with Alice. I began to see just how much damage I had done, and that this would be a lot of work to fix.

I wouldn't be giving up though.

"She's changed." I said and Alice agreed.

"She's the same, but a few layers have been added. I like it." She stopped and looked to the right, ahead of us. "Damnit."

"What?"

"They sent Jane out. Our minute lead might be broken."

I quickly found Bella through others thoughts and saw Jane was moving to her rather than to us. She wanted to destroy the human evidence.

I growled low as I saw Bella see her, and be momentarily confused. Jane was made at a young age, giving the illusion of innocence.

"Jane!" I snapped before she could step any closer to Bella. She smirked at me.

"Well if it isn't the heartbroken one? It looks like she's in fact alive."

"That doesn't give you license to change that fact." I reminded her. "From what I see that was not Aro's orders."

Jane grinned and turned back to Bella. "A clever one you are. The Cullen's trained you well I see."

"They didn't train, the cleverness is all me." Bella clipped.

"Oh you found them Jane, good." Alec, Jane's brother moved into the alley on the opposite side behind Bella. She stiffened as I did when he leaned in to sniff her neck. "I can see why you grabbed this one first."

"Bella is my name you know." Bella snapped as Alec danced over to face her.

"I didn't ask."

"You should always ask the name of the wine you're ordering."

I heard laughs behind Alice and I as well as from Jane and Alec and I realized more where here. There was no fighting that many without one of us being lost.

"She's got wit too." Jane smirked again. "Perhaps she'll be a pet."

Jane and Alec pushed ahead, knowing we'd follow. Not just because of the larger Felix and Demetri being behind us, but more because of the two siblings' gifts. Alec could cut off the senses and Jane could cause unbelievable pain. Both were lethal in a fight.

I grabbed Bella's hand, though she tried to pull it away. Alice skipped behind us. We were all silent so I could perfectly her Bella's heart beat. Not only was it a song I had missed, but it was one I was impressed by. It remained even and unafraid. She squeezed my hand once, and I looked down at her, giving a half smile as we passed into the private part of the castle.

Demetri pushed Bella further along, ignoring my growl as he was annoyed at out slow pace. I caught her before she tripped, and despite her heart beat skirting up a bit, her expression remained unfazed, until we entered the great room.

"Are they seriously sitting on thrones? Who do they think they…."

"Aro!" Alice talked over Bella. "Lovely to meet you finally!" Her voice was higher than usual as she crossed the room to Aro.

"Alice, my treat, I've heard so much about you. I was just telling Edward an hour ago how much the three of us would so adore to visit Carlisle's family." Aro left the middle chair to dart in front of Alice and take her hand. Bella glanced at me in confusion, likely over his attitude, not the gesture. I knew Alice had told her of his gift.

"Yes, so good to see you finally." He said as he finished with her thoughts, looking interested at a few parts concerning Bella. He turned his nearly scarlet tinted eyes to her. "And this is the reason for your plight is it then Edward?"

"This is Bella."

"She look like an ordinary human but something must be special in order to quake your interest."

"Who she is is special to me, not what."

"No need to be defensive. Love comes in all forms." He appraised Bella. "And her death would have you wishing for your own? Interesting." He looked back at me. "Might I read her thoughts? I'm curious as it seems you cannot, and Jane was unable to cause her pain."

I turned to Jane, snarling. "You did what?"

"Now now Edward, don't be cross, it is merely her nature." His tone had me turning back, and I stiffened in seeing both he and Felix had moved closer to Bella. "It appears Isabella remains undamaged regardless. Now may I try?"

"She's the one to ask, not me." I said through gritted teeth.

Aro's brown raised, but he turned back to Bella. "My apologies. May I take your hand Isabella? It'll take but a moment."

Bella clenched her own teeth, but placed her hand in Aro's. I read his thoughts and saw they were blank. He couldn't read her mind either. Unfortunately that seemed to work against us.

"Well that is a problem." He looked back to his brothers. I cannot read her mind."

"We'll never know for sure then Aro." Caius said.

Marcus rose, looking from Alice to Bella and Bella to me. "Their relationship is a strange bond. Much like family, yet stronger, even with this distance."

"She wouldn't tell." Alice added and Bella stepped forward, making Felix mirror the gesture. Aro turned back to stare at her.

"It doesn't matter what I am to either of them, or the others Cullen's, I wouldn't betray their trust. You have nothing to worry about. I guessed it all, they did nothing wrong."

"That's debatable my dear." Marcus said and Aro considered Bella.

"A strange human indeed. He touched her face, and I realized Demetri and Alec were moving closer to me. No.

"Smells different than the rest as well." He sniffed as Alec had. "I'm afraid we may not be able to resist that."

Bella tensed and let out a short scream as she was spun around by Aro so she faced me. She reached in my direction and I rushed to get to her but found myself held back by Felix, Demetri, and Alec. I couldn't overpower them all, and Jane began brining Alice to her knees as Marcus hovered over her. Aro pushed back Bella's hair and trapped both her arms in his, leaning down to her throat.

"Don't you touch her!" I yelled as I felt Felix move my own neck back.

"No!" Bella tried to inch forward as the crack echoed around the room. She winced as Aro tightened his grip and Caius laughed. Aro nearly snapped her neck forcing her to meet my eyes.

They weren't about to kill her in front of me I realized. They were going to have her watch me die to heighten her fear and boil her blood. I'd die for her, I was unafraid of that, but not knowing she'd follow. I yanked one arm free, and pushed to get away and to her.

"Edward don't!" Bella cried once more as I attempted to fight off Felix and Demetri. I knew Alec would begin his power in moments, but I still fought my way to Bella.

We wouldn't end like this. Not after everything.

"They're going to change me." Bella yelled, with Aro's teeth a millimeter from her artery. He stopped and glanced at her, loosening his grip a fraction.

"And what makes you think that Isabella?"

"Alice has never seen a vision of me old. So either I did, or I change. I know she's seen me changed, and you know it. So let them change me. Then you won't have to worry of me telling"

"Your family will suspect them when you go missing."

"Not if we wait for when I go off to college. They aren't that involved in my life to begin with, and I'll be an adult."

I could see Aro seeing her logic. He turned to me. "You'd change her?"

I looked at Bella. There were tears in her eyes but she stood tall. I'd do that for us. I'd stand tall for her. "If that is what she wanted, yes I'd do it."

I could hear Aro weighing the pros and cons. He looked at Bella and couldn't deny his curiosity on what she'd be as an immortal. I clenched my teeth but stayed still. He grabbed Bella's chin, lifting it.

"You have a year. And if you are not of our kind by then, it won't be just you I drink from, is that a deal for you?"

"Let us go and I'll see you in a year." She said, staring right back at him.

"Very well." Aro's easy smile returned as he shoved Bella back and the others backed away. "A deal it is."

"We'll be seeing you soon." Caius said, though there was regret on his face as well as Jane's.

Alice stood and grabbed Bella's hand and motioned to me. I read her vision of human's being sent in to quench the appetite Bella had left.

"You'll be wanting to hurry." Felix said as he glanced at Bella, practically licking his lips.

She backed up further, and kept Alice's hand in hers as we went back through the hallway. As the doors to the great room closed, I went to both of them. "Alice you ok?" I asked as I gently checked Bella's neck.

"I'm fine. I'm looking forward to the day when that girl is knocked down a few pegs though. You?"

"Better every minute." Satisfied with how Bella looked I straightened. "You were amazing."

"I know how to handle your kind by now." She shrugged. "Quit looking at my neck, how is yours."

"It's nothing. They can snap it around, but it does nothing unless it's torn off."

"Lovely image. Should we be leaving now?" Bella asked and then looked down the hall. "Oh no, are they for them?"

I didn't have to look to know what she was asking about. I knew how the Volturi fed. They didn't hunt; they had their food brought in for them. A line of tourists were making their way towards us, about to enter the great room, being led by the Volturi's sort of head huntress.

"Let's get out of here." Alice said, and started to pull Bella away.

"No we have to help them!" Bella started to pale. "We can't just let them get killed for nothing like this." She struggled and tried to free herself from Alice's grip.

I realized she was losing her cool. All the strength she had built up after what happened with Victoria, us coming back, and then to get here and face the Volturi was wearing down at the idea of humans being slaughtered. It would be expecting too much to think she could endure all this and not go into shock.

_She hasn't slept in days Edward; I think we should just knock her out before she sees this. _Alice's thoughts reached me.

I nodded regrettably and leaned down to Bella, taking her face in my hands. "Bella look at me, you're ok. I promise we're all ok. And I'm not going anywhere."

Her breathing was still erratic and her heartbeat sped up, but she looked at me as she paled even further. I pushed at the pressure point at the back of her neck, a move Carlisle had long ago taught me. Before she even knew what I was doing, she was unconscious and I lifted her carefully as Alice and I left the castle. For the time being at least, she could escape all that happened and rest.

Alice had arraigned a private jet for the way back, and I wondered if she had foreseen us not wanting to explain an exhausted girl. Instead we talked as Bella slept, still half in my arms. I had the feeling I'd have to let go of her soon, so I took these moments, letting myself be reassured in her beating heart and her steady breathing. She was alive and safe, that was all that mattered for now.

"Charlie will be at La Push by the time we get back. Watching a game, and then he'll fall asleep there and go straight to work the next morning. We'll be able to sneak Bella in the house without a problem. He thinks she's been on a camping trip with her friends. She's going to be asleep for a while longer."

"She needs it." I said, and brushed her hair away from her face.

Alice looked at us and sighed. "She still loves you, anyone can see that, but I don't know that it's enough Edward. She's very hurt."

"She has every right to be. And it will be enough. Maybe not yet. Maybe she'll need time. But I'm not going to stop fighting for her. Even if I have to let go for now, I know what's important." I looked down at her sleeping form, never feeling more awake to what I wanted than I did at that moment. "Time with her will always be all I need. In any form. I'm not afraid to wait for her." I looked up at Alice and half smiled. "I've waited this long haven't I?"


	18. You're Never Gonna Fit In Much Kid

Bella POV

I was a little too comfortable to be dead. Yet why couldn't I remember how I got here? I opened my eyes and saw red. The red of my cotton pillow case that is. So I was home. How did that happen? Wasn't I in Italy?

I warily pushed myself up, realizing I was on my stomach. Interesting. I usually only slept that way when in a zombie state.

"You're ok, you're home." Edward interrupted my confusion.

I turned over and leaned against the wall, looking at him. No I wasn't dead. Death would be an escape from this feeling. It all came back to me then, but I kept my composure. I didn't want to lose it again.

"Why are you still here? Did I freak out more after you did whatever you did?"

"No, I just didn't want to leave you alone." He got up from my rocking chair and sat at the foot of my bed. He was smart enough to keep somewhat of a distance. "I also thought we'd have some things to discuss."

"I guess. I'm sorry I freaked."

"You didn't. You were awake too long had a lot going on. Victoria, and then them. I'm sorry you had to do that. I should have waited and confirmed what happened I just…"

"Freaked out." I supplied.

He met my eyes, and I saw more in them than I cared to. "Understatement."

"We'll file it under a misconception. No harm done. I lost it more from seeing what they do. It's one thing to know what vampires are capable of; it's another to see it done to others.

"I'm sorry you saw that. I'm sorry you had to go all that way, and have all that happen."

"I'd do it again." I shook my head as he reached for me. "Don't."

He looked hurt for a moment but listened. "Bella, I did a lot wrong with you. I lied, thinking it was best for you and that was wrong. I never thought I was taking away your choice in it. I thought I was protecting you. I really did. Then when I was away I thought I could find a way to accept what I was. I realized I needed to do that and once I did I saw how you must have seen how I acted. I saw what I did to my family. I made a mess of it all. In accepting what I was I found that I would never be the whole part of me without you. There would always be something missing."

"Something has always been missing from my life. I never fit in. I was never comfortable until here. Until you. I was happy. When you left I blocked it all out. I refused to believe I couldn't be ok without you all. I worked hard to make myself better. I met friends, and I felt comfortable again. I fit in with them, they accepted me."

"I'm so glad you found that." He said, as he smiled at me. "You did much better than I did. You were stronger."

"I was still hurting everyday." His smile faded as I said it, but I had to tell him. I couldn't brush everything off like it was ok. "I know why you left now, but that doesn't change much."

"I don't expect it to Bella. I don't expect anything from you. I understand what I've done may be too much for you to completely forgive. But I had to come back. I had to explain so you knew why. And I had to try. You don't have to forgive or believe me, but I needed to give us this. I can't waste time when I know with everything I am that you're the one I need. I've been waiting for you all my life and I do and will love you for the rest. I couldn't not say that. I can't let you go without fighting." He reached over to life my chin, I had looked down and away at his words. "But it's you're choice." He finished.

And there it was. All the words I'd been aching to hear. All the understanding I'd wished he could find. There was a part of me that wamred when I looked at him. There was a part that wanted nothing more than to give all I had into loving him again. The undeniable connection was still there, and I had no doubt it always would be.

As I looked at him, I saw it wasn't enough. Not when I still doubted him, and if he understood me. So I said one of the hardest things I could.

"I can't Edward. I don't want to waste time anymore than you do, but I can't be with you and be a part of your family when I no longer am sure if I fit."

"Of course you fit."

"how can I believe that when you don't understand me. I think you may love me Edward but what's love without that sense of respect? I don't care how much strong you are or breakable I am, you never have the right to lie to me and alter my life without giving me the chance to voice what I want. That's what you didn't understand about me and disregarded."

"I'll show you that I'll never do that again. I was protecting you. I thought I was putting you first, and I was wrong. At the very least I should have told you what I was thinking, and let you decide. I'll always do that from now on."

"I hope you will. I don't know what's going to happen to me. I have strong friendships here now and people who could miss me if I…changed. But I can't help but think this isn't the life I fit into. I need to trust you all again and be sure of what I want though."

"Don't worry about the Volturi. You're not going to be bullied into being one of us. We'll find a way around it if we have to."

"Alright. Until then, they aren't the only ones who want me dead. The wolves are going to do their job but they can't patrol around Forks now since you guys are back. I don't need you to protect me it's not your job but I do expect that you'll make sure she doesn't hurt anyone while in Forks."

"You didn't even have to ask." He sighed and got up to look out the window. "So this is it then?"

"Yes. I'd say I'm sorry, but this is what I have to do after all you've done."

"I know. You have nothing to be sorry about, I understand. I'll find a way to show you that I understand who you are and that we do fit."

"Maybe you will."

"I'm going to keep fighting for us." He said as he turned back to look at me.

"That's the stubborn vampire way."

"I skipped a few steps with you. We went from friends to serious relationship. I don't regret that, but I didn't pursue at first. I didn't get the chance to woo you."

I snorted. "That's ridiculous."

"I think it's an important step. One I won't be overlooking again."

"I guess time will tell."

He opened the window, taking his stance to leap out. "I'll see you in school then." And with a final crooked smile, he soundlessly jumped out and away.

I nearly laughed. There was still pain, and I knew there would be more to come. It would be difficult to see them. Possibly more difficult than it was to have them gone. There was something hopeful about being on the same page though.

I looked at the clock and saw it was past noon. I had been asleep a long time. I felt better for it though. More clear. I got up to see I was in different clothes than I had been. You'd think I would have noticed that before. I saw my bag was on the floor next to my rocking chair and went to unpack it. Inside was a note from Alice. It explained that Edward had knocked me out so I could sleep, and she changed me into pajamas when we arrived at the house. She also told me Charlie would be home that night, so I'd have the rest of the day to rest and wind down. Then she thanked me for everything I did, and reassured me that she and the others would keep their distance and essentially that the ball was in my court whenever I wanted it. I appreciated that. It also told me she had a vision of Edward and I'd talk. That wasn't a surprise.

I took a shower and got dressed, feeling like I aged a century in that trip. Then I called Kim to tell her I was ok, and make sure nothing further had happened with Victoria.

"No but there is some news." She told me.

"Oh god, what now?"

"Leah phased. Last night actually."

I swore. We all knew that was the last thing Leah wanted. "Is she ok?"

"Angry and ignoring it."

"Figures." I heard a knock at the back door as I was contemplating cooking. I peeked over to see through the doors window and saw Jacob holding a large box. "The wolf who called dead Bella is here." I snarled to Kim.

"Uh oh. He has been worried though Bella, go easy on him."

"Easyish. I'll come by tomorrow ok?" When Kim agreed, I hung up and answered the door. "Well if it isn't Pinocchio. What's in the box?"

He held it closer and a scent wafted to me. "I cooked. Peace offering of mac and cheese and brownies."

"You cooked? And baked? Not Emily?"

"All me. Well Mom's old recipe for the brownies, but I did it all."

"You have earned entry." I took the box from him and hauled it to the kitchen counter. "How did you know I was ravenous."

"Cullen called me."

I nearly dropped the dish of macaroni. "He did not."

"He called last night when you guys got in. He said you were safe and not hurt, just tired. Then he went into how he understands that I'm protective of you and why I did what I did, meaning I thought I was keeping him from you. He didn't want an apology and didn't give one to me. Instead he said lets concentrate on getting rid of Victoria, keeping the truce, and being better friends for you. And then if we can do all that maybe we'd find a way to respect each other."

"Wow." I was both shocked and impressed.

"I know. Pretty good speech for a leech. I did say I was sorry though. I stood by my reasons but I shouldn't have gone that far." He looked up at me as I spooned mac and cheese onto two plates. "I'm sorry I did that to you."

"Do it or anything like it again and food will not solve a thing."

"I didn't bring the food to make up for it, he mentioned you hadn't eaten in a while and probably wouldn't want him cooking for you."

"Truth." I sat down to eat. "I guess you need to be filled in while I fill up."

I went on to tell him everything. From me talking to the Cullens, then Alice, what happened in Volterra, the Volturi, and then my talk with Edward. He listened the entire way though each of our two helpings of macaroni. By the time I moved onto the brownies he huffed out a breath.

"Two things. One, the Volturi problem."

"Yes sir."

"Do you even want to be a vampire?"

"Do you want to be a werewolf?"

"I'm not sure. Sometimes I don't, but sometimes it feels…right."

"That's what it's like for me. I don't want to give these things up." I gestured with the brownie. "I don't think anyone wants to be a vampire. After seeing the things they're capable of, I don't know. When I was with him I wanted it because I wanted a full and equal life with him and his family. I couldn't do that as a human. Then after all this happened, I wanted it for a different reason. I'm too weird to be human. I don't fit. I'm not a werewolf, so maybe this is what I'm meant for. I can feel like I'm in the life I should be and I can help people. I can have a mind capable of learning more and I can be a doctor like Carlisle."

"You do have a twisted sense and acceptance for the abnormal." He shrugged. "It could be good."

"Would I lose you and the others though?"

He shook his head. "Never. We'd have to get used to it but it could be good to have one from the other team on our side. It would make the pack stronger."

I sighed. I don't know. It's a lot to consider. I looked back at him. "What's the second thing?"

"Are you sure about not taking him back?"

"Yes." I didn't hesitate and took the dishes to the sink. He followed and gave me that look only best friends were capable of.

"Bella I've seen you these past few months you know. You've been amazing and strong and all and I know you can survive without him, but are living the happiest life you can? I know you love him."

"Three days ago you wanted to make a marble quarry out of him."

"I still do. He hurt you. He also loves you. It would be easier to kill him if you two didn't love each other." He turned me so I faced him. "I let my anger get in the way. I'm going to try and not do that again, because I'm your person and I need to step it up on the friend front. You aren't pushing him away because you think we wouldn't approve are you?"

I shook my head. "Not at all. I'm doing it for me. I'm glad you aren't going to let the past cloud your judgment and I hope he continues to do the same for you. I hope you all do. I just can't move past certain things. He needs to show me a lot."

"Ok." He nodded and sat back at the counter. "I just want you happy."

"Ditto."

"Hopefully the leech steps up too. Otherwise a warlock might snatch you away."

I laughed, which made me feel slightly back to normal. "At this point I believe anything is possible."


	19. Epilogue

Bella POV

I had spent the remainder of summer break divided between Charlie, work, and the pack. They had a revised treaty with the Cullen's, and in regards to Victoria, a plan was set. We just had to figure out what she was doing.

The return of the Cullen's sparked a lot of gossip and talk, but I didn't let it affect me much. I wasn't blocking out my feelings anymore, but I wasn't letting anything cause me pain. This was my life, and until I was dead, I'd enjoy it.

Even when Charlie felt the need to embarrass me.

"A smile would be nice. This isn't a teenage angst movie." He said as I stood in front of the door, with my backpack while he angled the camera.

"I'm not shuffling off to school for the first day either." I huffed out a breath and my hair moved from my eyes.

"It's your last first day of school, I'm documenting it damnit. Plus your mother will want to see this."

"No she won't. She probably doesn't even know it's a Wednesday."

"Smile."

I humored him and let him take his shots. "Can I go now?"

"Yes, get out. Will I see you tonight?"

"Later on. I have work from two to nine."

He walked over to hug me. "Have a good day Bells."

"Oh alright. Because you said so." I gave him a final grin and went out to my truck. I texted Jake before I left to see if he was going to school with the others. If not, I'd unleash the fury on him. As I let the car start and power up, he responded that they were all going, as long as Sam didn't call them. I accepted that. I was just hoping they could all at least finish high school and keep their control in check. The older boys would watch them too, so I tried not to worry.

It was an odd feeling to drive to school, knowing this was my last year. It was another jolt to see the other familiar cars in the lot.

Deja vamp.

"Bella! Woo senior year!" Jessica shouted as she ran towards me doing some sort of dance.

"Yea pink lady, we're going to rule the school."

"I heard the Cullen's are here."

"Oh look there's Ang with Morgan."

"You can't dodge me forever."

"Oh I can try." I smiled as Angela and Morgan reached us. "You riding to work with me Mor?"

"Yes dear." Morgan put her arm around my shoulders so she could whisper low "I miss them."

"Me too." I whispered back. It was nice to have someone to share the secret with.

My classes were pretty low maintenance. I had Art, French, Math, History, and then lunch followed by Literature. After that I went to work. I'd be busy, but overall senior year was shaping up to not be too stressful.

Apart from the whole vampire/werewolf thing of course.

Jasper was in my art class, but he sat across the room, so it wasn't too difficult to deal with. My other classes were with either Jess, Morgan, or Angela, except for Lit. Then at lunch it seemed I surprised the entire cafeteria by sitting with the girls, Mike, and Eric. It looked like they were all waiting for me to take the empty seat at the Cullen's table. Instead I waved at them, and casually sat with my friends.

It took a lot of effort to be casual through that.

This was for the best though. I couldn't go back unless I was sure I was equal to them and understood. I also had to trust I'd never be left behind again. I couldn't, so I was doing all I could do.

Live.

I was looking forward to the end of the day as I walked to Lit. It was looking to be my easiest class, so I was happy it was at the end of my school day so I could relax.

Or I could walk in the room and see Edward Anthony Cullen sitting at a table by the window. That would happen.

The second I walked in, he sensed me and looked over. He smiled slowly, and nodded. I returned the gesture and scanned the room. Everyone else was already in their seats. The only open desks was one in the back by itself, or the spot next to Edward.

I could cut myself off, or I could remember how we began.

Eight months after the first time I sat next to him, I did once more. This time neither of us was tense. It was sadly the most comfortable and familiar feeling I had.

"Should we close the curtains just in case a sun beam comes through?" I smirked at the memory.

He grinned wider. "I think you're safe."

"Good. Lunch already passed."

"How about instead of having you for lunch, I be your friend?"

I glanced at him as I took out my notebook and chuckled. "Just like that. Right."

"I'm being serious. I told you we skipped a few steps before. We were friends in the beginning though."

"Yes we were." I sighed but smiled as he held out his hand to me.

"Hello, I'm Edward Cullen."

I looked at his hand. Forgiving him was another step to moving on. So I took and shook his hand.

"Hi Edward, I'm Bella Swan."


	20. Authors Note

Half way to being done with fanfiction! Wow. It's bittersweet. I'll be sad to leave but happy with what I've accomplished. According to the site, my stories have been read in 47 countries. I can't even fathom that, it's incredible. Makes me tear up every time.

Thank you so much for the feedback in this project, and I hope you keep reviewing the final two stories.

I'm going to be starting the third rewrite of the saga tomorrow. It's called "Fighting an Eclipse"

If you guys click receive author alerts at the end of this "chapter" then you'll be emailed when I post. This story is over, so obviously there will be no more postings on it. I'm hoping to post the first chapter of the next story within the week, so look out for it!

Keep reading and reviewing and enjoying!

I'll go get to writing.

~JB


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